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A.K.A. Really Watching For The First Time
August 8, 2017 at 11:47 am
1. Cersei, a member of one of the richest families of the realm, had a wig right out of a B-list Lifetime biopic throughout seasons one through five. They couldn’t afford to get her a decent lace front?
2. Someone should make a continuous loop of all the characters’ eye rolls. Why? Because they are all noticeable and epic, and I’d love to use the full 10 minutes of this video every time someone posts some dumb meme about how women shouldn’t be in the club every weekend.
3. Bronn, who I realize is actually one of my real favorites, knows how to use the c-word in such a poetic fashion; I never noticed how beautiful his delivery was when I first watched.
4. There were 14 kills in the first six seasons where a sword or spear went through the back of someone’s head through their mouth or eyes, towards the screen. Was Game of Thrones doing guerilla marketing for 3D TVs?
5. John Snow’s pretty face really did distract me from how much of a whiny brat he was about following orders. “Wahhh, I’m a bastard, I’m not high-born, but I sure as hell act and complain like it.” He really does know nothing.
6. You know how some people will confuse two actors of color and we’re all like “that’s racist, try harder”? I guess I get it: I realized I did this with eight older male, white characters (I counted) and that’s why I was confused through some of it first time around. For example, I never even realized I had seen Lord (Roose) Bolton in the Red Wedding. I just thought he was another Lannister bannerman.
7. Imagine the villain Him from the Powerpuff Girls. Littlefinger is the human embodiment of that character.
8. I get a weird satisfaction whenever the wildlings call Jon Snow pretty.
9. I loved Daenerys’s character so much that I overlooked the fact that she made the same choices as most of the people that die first and second in a horror movie. Sooooo you’re just going to fast walk into the House of the Undying without checking for your guards and without a sword or nothing? That’s some Drew Barrymore in Scream shit.
10. In every hot ass desert scene she’s in, Missandei’s curls have the moisture of 15 bottles of coconut oil, while I sit here with $50 of product in my head that lasts a few hours at most.
11. I bet Ramsay would drink a lot of Mountain Dew back to back. No shade to Mountain Dew lovers; that just seems his drink of choice. Like, I’m sure he hasn’t drank a full cup of water in four or five days.
12. At least six characters reference a myth that the sky is blue because they live in a giant’s blue eye. How mad would you be if they ended the show a la Dallas and JD’s dream by zooming out and it really is just a giant’s blue eye?
13. Arya says her list before she goes to sleep. I’ve actually been doing the same thing too, except my list is for characters I hope George RR Martin doesn’t kill. “Tyrion Lannister…Brienne of Tarth…Daenerys Targaryen…George Weasley…Tormund Giantsbane…Bronn…Arya Stark…”
14. Rhaegal and Viserion know Drogon is the favorite.
15. Littlefinger is the guy in high school that asks, “Where’s my hug,” and you have to lie and say you’re late to class to get away.
16. While I love Tyrion and hold him dear as the smartest and best character on this show, I’d imagine if this were Big Brother, it’s Lord Varys’s political, social, and somewhat physical game that would win the half a million.
17. Rule 17 of Game of Thrones: you cannot take a piss in peace without being stabbed, shot, or sliced.
18. Re-watching means little tears anytime you see Hodor.
19. The Battle of the Bastards has one of the best long shots I’ve seen in awhile.
20. Lady Olenna’s head cover is filled with cunning, sass, and 400 classy ways to say “fuck off.” We don’t deserve her.
21. As my rewatch came full circle, I was most excited to see all of these distanced stories finally come together: the Dothraki spilling their guts as they finally cross the great sea; Jon Snow knowing something; Arya having no more names to list before she sleeps; Sansa not referencing how stupid she is; Bran being able to have enough screen time for both him and Rickon; and finally, Tyrion able to actually enjoy his ale without worrying about any of his family members trying to kill him.
BONUS: If you re-watch, I’d like you to take a whiff of smells you’d imagine the Game of Thrones universe would smell like so you can have a full 4D experience. I did Spaghetti-o’s and onions, and the smell resonated all the way through Season 7. Cheers!