You may recognize this situation: it’s late at night and something in your life has gone wrong. You turn your fears over and over in your head until you can’t take it anymore – it’s time to do some serious google research. To your immense relief, you’re greeted by a helpful resource right away! It’s even the first search result! Ready to find some guidance for those woes, your heart skips a beat as WikiHow loads. Finally! What you’ve always wanted: for an implausibly buxom anime to guide you through the perils of pregnancy hemorrhoids.
Look: far be it from me to tell you not to trust WikiHow or animes. But if you’ve ever gotten tax advice from some shounen-style rando holding up a Schedule C form in one hand and giving you a thumbs-up with the other, you might know where I’m coming from here.
Besides, we don’t know these animes’ life stories. Who knows if they have a good reason for trying to interject themselves into all of your most uncomfortable moments. You can’t judge a WikiHow Anime by the quality of their lineart; but rather, by the level of insanity their presence brings to the article.
How to Fill Out and File a Schedule K-1
Even beautiful, androgynous animes have to deal with tax-related interest income assessments sometimes.
Features:
- Animes holding papers
- Extrapolating a manga from these illustrations: “It’s like Free!, but for accounting.”
- What?
- It could happen
How to Become a Military Psychologist
The josei story about military psychology we’ve all been waiting for.
Features:
- A woman enjoying her carefree path towards military psychology
- PTSD
- The incongruous mixture of both of these things
How to Take Psyllium Husk
so yeah
Features:
- The poops
- People smiling and thinking about the poops
How to Identify a Bed Bug Infestation
WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT
Features:
- PARANOIA
- PARANOIA
- PARANOIA
- PARANOIA
How to Cure Lockjaw
But also:
I don’t think…lockjaw……..was her problem……
Features:
- I don’t really want to think about it
How to Communicate With Older Adults
Anime Grandma is leading Bald Mario into the woods so she can take him out.
(Actually the text for this one is very helpful and very sweet and if there really is a heaven and hell, the last thing I see before I get sent below will be this article. I cut the text out because it made me feel too guilty. I am a bad person).
Features:
- Guilt
- Shame
- Anime Grandma’s sonar hearing
How to Comfort the Dying
All the illustrations in this article are the artistic equivalent of some stranger walking in on you while you are crying and patting you on the shoulder helplessly and uncomfortably. These animes want to help but quite frankly the situation is far beyond their paygrade.
Features:
- Bibles
- An old man’s strangely enthusiastic resignation about his own death
- A reminder to turn your cell phone off while someone is actively dying in front of you
How to Deal With Your Hamster Dying
Above is the image for Step One in the “How to Deal With Your Hamster Dying” article.
This is the image for Step Five:
Features:
- The entire duration of this dude’s engrossing friendship with his hamster
- Who wouldn’t spend money on a comic about a tough guy and his pet hamster?
- That’s not a feature but this WikiHow’s ability to make us all want that comic is a feature
- right?
- oh well
How to Overcome Depression
His eyes are so tender.
Features:
- Uncanny valley
- Lips
- RIP Hammy the Hamster, somehow we will carry on through this dark time, I’m so glad WikiHow is here to help us
How to Control Temporal Lobe Seizures
Temporal lobe seizures are a lot sexier than I would have expected, if this page is any indication. You wouldn’t be able to tell from this image alone, but swimming alone is something you’re not supposed to do if you’re trying to stay safe in case of a seizure.
Features:
- Headless, sexy yoga
- Ugly anime food
How to Recognize Boils
This article is full of beautifully-drawn animes and pus drainage. View the whole thing at your own peril.
Features:
- Irreparably ruining all of the ads that follow you around the internet
- I wasn’t kidding about the pus drainage, it’s really gnarly
- Gratuitous showering?
How to Find a Person’s Grave
Nothing says “I wanted the satisfaction of seeing that motherfucker in the ground” like animes and soft color palettes.
Features:
- Most non-explicitly gothy WikiHow page
- Soft colors and textures soothing to eyes after boils page
- This quote: “Many cemeteries do not have an Internet presence and only their telephone number may be available in a white pages listing.”
How to Choose Your Own Nickname to Fit Your Name
Anime Jorah Mormont is turning over a new leaf.
Features:
- Convenient now that you have hidden the grave
- Fresh starts
How to Find Out About Animes
Other Features:
- none
- this whole article is unnecessary animes
- there is literally no reason this page was needed
- it just teaches you how to google the word anime
- you never have to leave
- WikiHow has all the animes you ever need
- where are you going
- no
- WikiHow did not say you could leave
- WikiHow needs you
- besides
- no one will ever find the grave
- lol no just kidding!!
- OK fine you can go, Grandma Animes will show you the way out
- hope you don’t get
- a whole bunch of boils
- and also hemorrhoids
- don’t come crying to WikiHow
- lol
- jk
- cemeteries don’t have internet you know
- because that’s where you’re going
- lol
- just kidding
- How To Scream
- How to Stop Being Paranoid
- How to Let Go of Thoughts and Feelings
- How to Disappear Completely
- How To Overcome The Fear of Death
Featured Image Source: wikiHow, How to Fill Out and File a Schedule K 1
POMEgranate Magazine