Which Horrifying Medieval Mermaid Are You?

Happy #mermay!

May 30, 2017 at 5:00 pm

#Mermay is almost over — do you know what kind of eldritch medieval mer-human most resonates with your personality? This quiz will help you determine your place in the aquatic feudal pecking order.

 

Choose a horrible Medieval fate:
Dysentery
Witches?
Sailing off the edge of the world
The ire of a vindictive feudal lord
Famine
Becoming cosplay inspiration for a Ren Faire

Correct!

Wrong!

Are you a witch?
Yes
No

Correct!

Wrong!

...really?
Yes
No
I can’t swim
heheheheheheheeheheheehehe

Correct!

Wrong!

Choose a medieval-ish food:
Giant roast pig with an apple in its mouth
Boiled turnip
Flagon of ale from the ol’ tavern
Boiled Beef
Boiled Sailor
An apple stuffed with roasted pig

Correct!

Wrong!

Choose a viewpoint:
Nunc est bibendum (“Now is the time to drink”)
Memento mori (“Remember that you must die”)

Correct!

Wrong!

You spot a caravel full of sailors on the horizon. What do you do?
Lure them to your island and use them to host your horde of mer-spawn
Drag them to the briny depths
Wave goodbye; you don’t have time to waste humoring the whims of mortal men
Challenge them to a game of Sea Twister; if they win you allow them safe passage through your dominion
Force them to come to your open mic night
Boil them & eat them

Correct!

Wrong!

Pick a non-mermaid half-human abomination:
Tummyface
Smug Ass Dragon
Gams McBeardbutt
Party Head
Chill Man-Doggo
Bear Hugs

Correct!

Wrong!

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Which Medieval Mermaid Are You?

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Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!