Look at Chris Hemsworth. Look at him.
Do you have any doubt in your mind that this man is the human equivalent of a Golden Retriever?
Well if you did, perish the thought because the internet is here to prove it:
In case you were too busy smooching your significant person to spend entirely too much time on Twitter last month, Fetch! (otherwise known as What-Dog) is an app/website that allows you to determine what kind of dog you’re looking at by uploading a picture of it. Naturally, the internet abused this tool immediately by uploading selfies and pictures of all kinds of miscellany in order to figure out where everything on god’s green earth fits into the canine family. Think of Fetch! as a magical tool for turning everything into dogs.
With the full power of the internet behind you, why not try to figure out what kind of dog every sweet, ethereally-handsome movie dude would be? Magic Mike XXL is pretty much the best movie to test the Fetch! App’s limits.
Case in point:
- Dogs are sweet, loving, and just want to make everybody feel better
- The dudes from Magic Mike XXL are also sweet, loving, and just want to make everybody feel better
- Channing Tatum is already a handsome dog man anyway
So without further ado, here is the beautiful and amazing cast of Magic Mike XXL as beautiful and amazing dogs.
Ken:
This guy’s whole deal:
Ken, As A Dog:
Accuracy: 7/10 Reiki Healers
Ken might try to be a super zen, chilled-out dog, but he can also be a real dickhead who holds grudges.
A more accurate dog suggestion:
This adorable, mean little fucker here:
Tito:
This guy’s whole deal:
Tito, As A Dog:
Accuracy: 9/10 Artisanal Fro-Yo Trucks
Tito has big dreams and isn’t afraid to work for them. However, I don’t know that “energetic” guy is one of the main things that jumps out at me about this dude. But I guess he’d have to be, to pull off those sick dance moves? I don’t know, you be the judge.
Mike:
This guy’s whole deal:
I could not find a clip of the scene where he encourages all the other dudes to believe in their dreams like the sweet, perfect cinnamon roll he is so you’ll have to settle for this:
Mike, As A Dog:
Accuracy: 11/10 Ponies
Predictable, yet satisfying.
Tarzan:
This guy’s whole deal:
Tarzan, As A Dog:
Accuracy: 7/10 Ernests
Tarzan isn’t necessarily “suspicious” towards strangers, but otherwise, this seemingly checks out.
A more accurate dog suggestion:
This friendly big guy:
Richie:
This guy’s whole deal:
Richie, As A Dog:
Accuracy: 10/10 Nine Inch Nails
Accurate and perfect in every single way.
Bonus!
Andre:
Their smiles!!!!!!!!! But also: seems more likely to be a smol dog than a big guy like this.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Zoe:
Accurate.
Rome:
Inaccurate, just because Rome is so obviously a cat. But that’s not the app’s fault.
In conclusion, here is a picture of Charming Tatum and his dogs:
Between Fetch! and the Akinator, we’re probably inching towards making the machines Too Powerful and cementing our own demise. On the other hand, if all face recognition technology had the power to see into our souls and call forth the sweetness and perfection inside of us the way Fetch! can, the robot apocalypse probably won’t really be all that bad.
