Even More Medieval Woodcuts For Every Occasion

Ye Olde Gyfft That Keepes Onne Gifyng

January 11, 2019 at 9:00 am

Last year, I promised you a medieval woodcut for every occasion. However, there are even more lessons we can learn from our 5th to 15th century forebears. Here are even more medieval woodcuts to validate you in these trying times.

When Target restocks the 50% off sale rack with anything other than t-shirts about eating donuts at yoga.

When a fansub includes a Japanese word and defines it at the same time.

When you start an email with “as per my previous email…”

When a customer tells you that they’re glad you “speak American” but the call is being recorded.

When these lavender bath bombs aren’t gonna sell themselves.

When a guy who didn’t learn to do his own laundry til he was 24 tells you that he “just doesn’t worry about things” because they “always seem to work out.”

When you’re trying to describe the comments on a hot girl’s instagram.

When you’ve lived there for a year and use the dishwasher for the first time.

When your little sister gets to come along.

When your marketplace insurance sends you an “important notice about your premium.”

When you’re at a grocery store co-op looking at “medicinal teas” because you think you might have strep throat and your marketplace plan no longer covers primary care provider visits.

When you go to the doctor for the first time after you finally get a job with health insurance.

When you’re taking a group pic at your coworker’s birthday lunch but you’ve still gotta work those angles.

When Sam is back on that bullshit again.

When you jump into AOC’s mentions or just hear somebody talking about her in public.

When you’re on your second IUD but can appreciate your high school friends’ cute-ass babies from afar.

When you find all 4 of the other well adjusted people in your office who secretly like anime.

When he only drinks local IPAs.

When you post that article about millennial burnout on a baby boomer’s Facebook wall.

When you remembered to change all your profile pictures back to normal things while job hunting but forgot to scrub the internet of all the Totally Not Weird medieval woodcut listicles you’ve authored.


As mentioned last time around, a special thanks to the many museums, universities, and other research institutions that make medieval woodcuts both available and accessible, mostly within the public domain. These images have been lightly cleaned up, but not significantly retouched otherwise. You can find many of the woodcuts within this post on The British Museum website. Please give them money so that they can continue to unearth skeletons drumming on their own butts so that we can continue to show them to you in posts like these.

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!