Welcome to Riverdale Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about all the drama and sexy intrigue from last week’s Riverdale — just in time to get you up-to-speed for tonight’s episode. Today we’re talking about the fourth episode of Season 2: “The Town That Dreaded Sundown.” Join us as we drag basically everybody in this show except for Ronnie and Fred Andrews, because everybody is garbage and we’re disappointed in them all. CC is out this week, but Jenny and Rachel of plenty of feelings to tide us over until the whole crew returns for next week’s episode.
Please note: this recap includes Extreme Spoilers for this episode, as well as the entirety of Season One. We warned you!!
Rachel: ok so!!!
I hated this episode
Jenny: it was not good!
but ofc you dislike that jug is being shown for the trash boy he is
Rachel: lol
yes Jug is not really shining at all here
Jenny: I KNOW IT
Rachel: I’m glad Kev was there to stand up for Bets
Jenny: he’s a good dude
i’m glad she made an effort to include him in this
it feels like she’s making an effort to mend that friendship after she was not great last week
Rachel: me too! I’m also glad she didn’t fall into the jealous girlfriend trap
like when Jug was like “oh yeah me and Toni….” it would have been easy for them to write Betty like “UGHHH TONIIIII?????? WHO IS THIS BITCH”
Jenny: yes!
she’s really trying to be nice!
and inclusive
Rachel: because Bets is nice!
and values female friendship
Jenny: YEAH!
but also wtf jug
you can’t collaborate on this time-sensitive problem with more than one person???
Rachel: right????????
also not admitting he knows Archie with the Serpents
he’s being so sketch and I do not like him
Jenny: yeah p sketch
archie’s kind of shit but he would’ve stood up for jug if the situation had been reversed
Rachel: yeah!!
ugh Archie in this dang episode though
Jenny: ughughughughugh
Rachel: Archie what have you become
(an actual wannabe murderer is what!!!!!!!)
Jenny: wilbur wilkins has a lot of rage issues
Rachel: Wilbur needs to see a therapist
also is that a classic Archie comics reference, Jenny?? you’re my girl for that stuff
Jenny: wilbur wilkin was a spin off character — a few appearances but mostly his own comic
all these scenes, i was just like VANDALISM ARCHIE?! WHAT’S FUCKING NEXT?? Oh. apparently POINTING GUNS AT PEOPLE!! APPARENTLY THAT’S WHAT’S FUCKING NEXT.
FIGHTING IN THE STREETS??
Rachel: UGH YEAH
lol when Principal Weatherbee came down on Archie
Jenny: fucking finally
Rachel: i kept thinking YOU’VE DONE THIS WEATHERBEE
Jenny: RIGHT
Rachel: YOU ALLOWED THIS
Jenny: YOU MADE YOUR BED
but NOW he wants to collaborate w the police
Rachel: but his face in this screenshot was me the whole dang episode
Jenny: right
this was me
Jenny: but yeah prin. weatherbee — like i get that sheriff keller has been a bad sheriff for a long time, but he’s really trying now and it took too long to get on his level
Rachel: yeah!
awww Sheriff Keller
Jenny: i know
Rachel: he’s trying
Jenny: he’s finally trying
and he just has to deal w madchen calling him out at that town hall like he’s not REALLY TRYING
like
i love her
but she sucks
but i love her
Rachel: god she super does
Jenny: the black hood is obviously SO TERRIFIED of this Wine Mom^TM and that’s why he’s specifically targeting her daughter???
Rachel: delusions of grandeur, for sure
OH but what was GOING ON with Hiram and Hermione at that Town Hall????
Jenny: ughughugh
i have no clue
Rachel: what are they planning!!!!!!!
it’s fucking me up
Jenny: like
he was talking some shit about how he’s just loving all the chaos and confusion going around rn
and like
ofc
Jenny: you would love it you two-faced bitch
Rachel: he’s just so obviously plotting but I do not get Hermione’s motivations here at all
Jenny: me neither
she gave that whole speech about “blind loyalty” and
i can’t tell if it’s a cry for help or if she thinks that’s NOT her situation
like, i am fine but your behavior is unhealthy v
ughughugh
Rachel: yeah if it’s the former, that’s a good move on the writer’s part
but if it’s the latter, that’s dumb
Jenny: i mean yes
i am tempted to believe it’s the latter bc when do these writers ever make good moves
there would be way more sabrina if they knew what they were doing
Rachel: lol also true
they really need to be reading our roundtables, taking notes
Jenny: honestly
Rachel: we have some Strong Feelings we need them to convey
Jenny: we are v insightful
Rachel: so true
and we are a delight
Jenny: YES
i will say though that this was a good ep for veronica
Rachel: yes!!!!!!!
Rachel: Good Looks
Jenny: i’m glad they brought back her sneaking-around cape
Rachel: it’s the best piece of outerwear I have ever seen
Jenny: honestly
fact
Jenny: YES
Rachel: SO GOOD
Veronica being her best Veronica self
Jenny: she is really trying, i think, to undo the damage her dad has done
which is a nice carry-over from last season
but also i LOVED that she confronted him about it
Jenny: “My boyfriend is cute as a button, but he’s simple.” — Veronica Lodge
Rachel: like, she’s SEES you Hiram
she SEES WHAT YOU’RE DOING
Jenny: if someone were to TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM, well then they would have to deal w me
Rachel: to that extent, she is her father’s daughter
Jenny: right
Rachel: he taught her to protect what she cares about, so now she’s doing that
Jenny: yeah
but w much better judgement and some willingness to sympathize w those negatively affected (like w ethel’s family last season)
ALSO
Jenny: IF YOU IDIOTS INSIST ON FIGHTING
honestly
Rachel: “troglodytes”
so good!!!!
Jenny: she did that
SHE DID THAT
i don’t think i have it in me to MC a gang fight
but she did it w APLOMB
Rachel: hell yeah
at first I was like NO RONNIE CALL THE POLICE
but she knew she still had the gun, and would have the power to stop it
Jenny: yeah
she was in control, i think
as much as any 15yo could be in control of that situation
certainly better than me @24
bc that was A MESS
i think dilton doiley stabbed himself in the thigh??
Rachel: also bless Kevin for being the only person in the world to recognize that these are supposed to be teens
Jenny: a good dude
also when they’re breaking up the red hood at the start of this ep
and they’re like
complaining about being helpless
like — THAT IS A MAJOR PART OF ADOLESCENCE
FUCKING TEENS! YOU ARE HELPLESS! YOU ARE MINORS! YOUTHS
Rachel: lol
Jenny: accepting that is something you have to do before you’re allowed to live in the real world
and interact w other people
Rachel: preach!!!!
Jenny: share a kitchen
Rachel: and a bathroom!!!!!
pay rent!!!!
what nerds
Jenny: i know it
Rachel: yo I think you’re right about Dilton though
Jenny: he fucking blows
Rachel: I wasn’t 100% sure what went down, but it def seemed to be like he stabbed himself in order to get the Serpents in real trouble
Jenny: i hate that kid
Rachel: yeah I do not trust him
sketchy as hell
Jenny: yeah
also, backtracking a little to betty’s code-breaking party
Jenny: SO FUN
Rachel: lol
she’s tRYING JUG
UNLIKE SOMEBODY
Jenny: she IS
she IS TRYING
Rachel: pulling my hair out over here
taking out my damn ponytail
Jenny: like
who would know about her library record
as a child
Rachel: RIGHT
AND WAS THERE AT THE JUBILEE
WHY IS NOBODY ASKING THESE QUESTIONS
Jenny: could it be…..
that librarian from the beginning
????
Rachel: OH MY GOD
what if it’s
THE REAL MS GRUNDY
Jenny: ok
honestly i was thinking about this earlier
what if it’s like in And Then There Were None
and Grundy faked her death
so that she wouldn’t be a suspect
Rachel: holy fucking shit
Jenny: i mean
if the Madam Satan comment from last season wasn’t a fucking hint
like, she’s a demon
and the only truly guilty party yet to be targeted by the “black hood”
but she could probably possess whatever form she wants
Rachel: woah
Jenny: she could be this green-eyed monster
easy
also what if that’s a clue
someone who’s jealous of archie’s life
maybe that’s the obsession w betty
like they felt he was a fool to have spurned her?
(looking at you dilton doiley)
Rachel: somebody who is mad he choose Ronnie over Betty???
OMG this is just a metaphor FOR SHIPPING WARS
FUCKKKK
Jenny: GENIUS
Rachel: I need to go lie down
if that’s what it is, they’re really getting to the crux of the original comics conceit there
wow
Jenny: i mean that would be some GOOD WRITING
Rachel: YEAH
I would forgive a lot if that was the case lol
like, I doubt it will be but
u never know
Jenny: yeah
i mean
i do not believe that this writer’s room is THAT good
BUT
even a blind squirrel
y’know
Rachel: etc etc, for sure
ok one thing I would like to complain about
is the name of this dumb episode
“The Town That Dreaded Sundown”
like, hOW DARE YOU
I’m mad
and then you shoehorn it in in Jug’s narration
I’m mad that I had to hear that pseudo-rhyming nonsense
an assault to my dang sensibilities
Jenny: i mean fair
but also i don’t think the voiceover narration has ever been anything but kind of obnoxious and v cheesy
Rachel: also v true
haha like I know it’s trivial but I can’t help it
Jenny: oh it’s not trivial
framing devices are important
but i will say that w a title like that i would’ve thought there would be more ghosts or vampires or some shit
idk
maybe even
WITCHES?????
Rachel: AHHHH RIGHT
why are they just dangling this in front of us
it’s cruel, at this point
Jenny: they went so hard the first couple eps and then last week and this week they’ve just given us NOTHING
Rachel: it’s extremely frustrating
Jenny: i’ve got blue crystal balls over here is all i’m saying
Rachel: also every episode is presented like it’s the pivotal moment in the story
Jenny: and it’s not
Rachel: IT’S NOT
Jenny: so much of this i would cut
Rachel: nothing even really HAPPENED
Jenny: like
there was a fight
the murderer started targeting betty
idk
what else
no witches
Rachel: not even one
Jug was a turd
Jenny: that’s true
(but what else is new)
(hey oh)
Rachel: Madchen was almost relatable until she wasn’t
Jenny: yeah
she did have a good scene about being concerned about her daughters
Rachel: yeah!! I almost liked her!!!!!
Jenny: but it was also kind of more about betty keeping info from her
and her wanting to control polly’s life
Rachel: yep
Jenny: but she was a real pistol at the town hall
not like a good pistol
but like a chaotic pistol
Rachel: I kept waiting for somebody to be like
“isn’t Madchen from the southside tho???”
Jenny: right???
has the town forgotten???
i have not
Rachel: same
Jenny: at least fred was great
Rachel: Fred never disappoints
Jenny: she tried to use him
as like a victim
to motivate gutting the southern budget and bolstering the pd
but like
fuck you
a stronger police force is not the answer
come on alice
Rachel: yeah she was like “we’ll just close the school” and then those kids will go???? somewhere else????
Jenny: right??
like
they’ll go to riverdale high
is where they’ll go
and you’ll be upset about that too
Rachel: there flaws in your logic, Alice
also, I love how Hal has faded into the background
Jenny: right
Rachel: nobody talks about what a shit he was, but at least he doesn’t get any air time
Jenny: he had like three seconds of screentime
he was installing a lock while alice rolled her eyes
Rachel: lol
Jenny: perf
and yeah
i’d rather have no hal than shit hal
Rachel: I mean I feel bad for betty that her parents don’t have a good relationship but honestly he’s terrible and so is Madchen
Jenny: there’s not a whole lot of hope
not until alice fucks fp and finally chills out
Rachel: lol
oh!!!! but we did get one look at Cheryl’s mom!!!!
at the Town Hall!
she looked good
Jenny: briefly
yeah
healing
Rachel: like, surprisingly not covered in bandages
Jenny: probs all those evil greenhouse herbs
working their magic
Rachel: you know, that’ll do it
also, this was another episode with basically no Cheryl
Jenny: i know
i hate it
Rachel: this is how I really know that the writers aren’t reading our roundtables
Jenny: honestly
Rachel: there would be 200% more Cheryl otherwise
if not more
Jenny: but it does make you wonder
cheryl’s screentime has gone down in direct proportion to the witch references
Rachel: AN EXCELLENT POINT
Jenny: maybe supports my cheryl’s a witch theory
or maybe supports my “this writer’s room doesn’t care about my feelings” theory
Rachel: hmm true
only time can tell
Jenny: i am SO READy
for the vague 2018 sabrina series
Rachel: it’s really what’s keeping me going
Jenny: why i get out of bed in the morning
Rachel: god maybe we should do roundtables of just the trailers for Sabrina that come out
Jenny: YES
i will have a lot of thoughts
Rachel: it might seem like excess but I really just think we’ll need to let out our feelings in some tangible way
Jenny: i mean yeah these are really cathartic
Rachel: 100% agree
Jenny: we need emotional support in these trying times of archie being a dummy and no witches at all
Rachel: lol
ok! final thoughts?
Jenny: yea
idk if you noticed this
it was p early on and archie was walking down a hallway
and the music over the scene was just this god-awful remix of the words “The Black Hood”
so my final thought is:
ban remixes
fire this music director
Rachel: YES I DID
I kept thinking
I wish I could screencap this terrible sound
Jenny: it’s SO BAD
Rachel: really, really, really bad
hmmm well my final thought is
KJ Apa is so obviously not a teen that even that terrible and obviously fake ID didn’t ring any alarm bells
Jenny: he’s TOO RIPPED
Rachel: make teens awkward again
Jenny: but also he is actually like 19
or he was last season
Rachel: omg is hE REALLY
NOOOOOOO
Jenny: damn society, making teens hot
Rachel: ahhh!!!!!!!!!
Jenny: a real problem in all honesty
Rachel: I need this addressed at the national level
can a girl get some dang legislation to ban hot teens
Jenny: 1997
typing that made me feel dirty
Rachel: OMG HE’S 20
NOOOOOOOOO
Jenny: i know
Rachel: *crumbles into dust*