Welcome back to Riverdale Roundtable! While the second half of season 2 kicked off earlier this week, we decided to share the one thing that kept us going through the bleak days and weeks of the midseason hiatus: compiling an arbitrary ranking of the series’ greatest #looks at this point in the season. Join us, you precious, beautiful, compulsive pieces of trash — it’s time for some Peak Riverdale Aesthetic.
Note: The looks below are only from the first half of Riverdale season 2 — uh, more or less. We’re including flashbacks. Don’t @ us.
Look #10: Look: Hellllllllllooooooooo, Murse
- Just a great uniform!
- Makes you wonder if the medical technology is equally outdated? Like, are they going around giving lobotomies for the #aesthetic???
- Yeah I guess this uniform is less cute after the nurse picks up a cartoonishly large 1800s needle.
- Still pretty cute though.
Look #9: Hot Dog AKA The Good Boy From The Wrong Side of the Tracks
- Who’s a good boy? HOT DOG!! HOT DOG’S A GOOD BOY!!
- A smol sheepdog with a not so smol heart!
- Vegas x Hotdog endgame ship
Look #8: The Klumpster
- This Carly-Rae Jepsen-looking Goddess!!
- Note the coordination of her lipstick with the pattern details on her shirt — very tasteful.
- The gray faux-leather motorcycle jacket! An innovative color choice for a friend to the animals.
- I wonder if this is an actual collared shirt or a fashion bib.
Look #7: Thistlehouse Casual
- Note, if you will, the sunscreen that has been decanted into a dark glass bottle; the pitcher and glass of a refreshing, strawberry-based drink; the vase of fresh flowers set out alongside these offerings. Who has provided this for Cheryl if not Cheryl herself? This casual Thistlehouse #look reminds us that we all deserve to spend our weekday afternoons luxuriating in this level of self-love and self-care.
- Not visible in this photo: the cover of this extremely crone-vibe tome Cheryl is using for casual sunbathing relaxation fodder.
Look #6: Rockabilly Teens
- An incredible collaborative effort from everyone except Reggie.
- Let us make especial note of Betty’s bomb-ass pants, the recurring red kerchief around Cheryl’s neck and around Betty’s head, the very sweet faux-letterman in a tasteful baby blue from Kevin. Most importantly, let us give what reverence we can to Cheryl’s America Jacket. Truly, this day we are blessed.
- Shoutout to these blessed teens for pulling together a collage of vintage inspired Looks without even one character in a cherry-print a-line halter dress!!!!!
Look #5: Mechanic Betty
- Just fuck me up.
Look #4: Veronica’s Femme Fatale Cosplay
- Step on me.
Look #3: Betty and Veronica Looking At Each Other
- This is truly the purest look.
- The cultivation of these pure and true looks must be the greatest end of all narrative pursuit. Look at their eyes; look at their smiles; look at the innocence and kindness and joy radiating from their very beings!
Look #2: Thu-thu-thunder!!!!
- Caped snakeskin-print rompers are THE item for when you want to publicly come to terms with your past in the most extra way possible.
- Peak chaotic evil momwave aesthetic
Look #1: Kicking The Shit Out Of A Rapist
- A classic #look that is always in season
- The #1 Most Endorsed #Look in the POMEmag Spring 2018 Collection
Honorable Mentions:
Look: Wine Mom
- When sitting down to write the gossip column that has become your entire newspaper, make sure that you’re comfortable — pull a cardigan over your pajamas, pour yourself a glass of wine, and start slinging accusations based on your own personal prejudices!
Look: Murder Grandma
- Murder grandma is really working her angles.
- Murder grandma has FOUND HER LIGHT.
- Murder grandma has a lighting team standing two feet away.
Look: Thistlehouse Interior
- MOTHER’S IN THE CONSERVATORY
- Evil Williams Sonoma
- Curséd Pier 1
- This #Look from the Thistlehouse interior is everything I have ever hoped to achieve in my personal aesthetic. Would that I could become these windows, those plants, the chandeliers and candles and lanterns; would that I could merge my soul into this conservatory, apotheosize into this moonlit air, for it is then that I would truly be all that I was meant to be.
Look: Madchen After Dark
- The thigh-high boots, the mesh shirt, the leather — I do not know what humanity has done to deserve this, but surely I am thankful.
- This is her battle armor; she is entering the den of snakes.
- If she wants to withstand the complete and utter trainwreck of Betty’s karaoke dance, she needs to gird herself in leather.
- This outfit def offers +4 to endurance, +8 to charisma, -3 to perception if I had to guess
Look: Comrade Hermione
- Important: always condescendingly swirl a bold red when asking if someone is a Communist.
- End-of-Season Prediction: Hermione takes up arms against capitalism and/or Hiram
- Hermione: “We must seize the means of production!” [seizes Fred’s ass]
Look: What A Scoop
- When recreating this look, be sure you really perfect the judgmental arch of the brow, and the delicate placement of the finger that is capturing incriminating information with which to blackmail/shame your enemies.
Look: Attempted Matricide Hospital Visit
- A great look for burning down your home and then suffocating your only remaining relative.
- Angel of Death, steal her look: white satin all the time
Look: Creepy Nun #look-ing into your soul
- Riverdale Gothic
- Here’s hoping the next forgettable two-episode subplot hits us like American Horror Story Season 2.
- I mean I’m still holding out for Riverdale: Coven aka Sabrina aka I’m #LOOKing AT YOU, NETFLIX
For those of who may have fallen off the Riverdale bandwagon during the mid-season hiatus, we hope this aesthetic reflection will inspire you to get back into it! The show may be bad, but the #looks are phenomenal.
For more in-depth discussions of this show’s bad writing and it’s phenomenal Looks, be sure to check out our regular installments of Riverdale Roundtable every in-season Wednesday! And may Cheryl have mercy on us all.
All images within this article are sourced from the CW’s Riverdale.