Six Stages of Finishing Homestuck

Homestuck finishes tomorrow.

It’s hard to believe that after seven years, the curtains will close on the internet’s greatest epic. Andrew Hussie has said many times before that Homestuck would be ending soon, and it’s never been true, but this time seems different. He laid out a clear, unambitious schedule and has stuck to it so far. It’s time to accept that after tomorrow, we will all live in a world without Sburb and Paradox Space, without trolls and their infernal romance.

Having trouble moving on? Here’s a simple guide:

 

Stage One: Try to remember the last time you actually read Homestuck

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You struggle to remember which page of Act 6 you were on before you dropped off. The last thing you remember happening was Karkat getting tangled in Dave’s cape. The Alpha kids were up to… something? You honestly don’t remember. You click through, trying to recall all the carefully constructed minutiae hiding behind all the snarky horseshit and shipping, but you can’t. Resigned, you click somewhere earlier in the story… the beginning of the last intermission, maybe? No, that’s not far back enough. How about the beginning of Act 6? But that just makes you want to watch [S] Cascade again. Might as well just start from the beginning and relive the whole series in all its glory.

 

Stage Two: Brush up on troll romance and update your shipping grid

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The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable.

–Charles Dickens, maybe? Yes, you are almost positive that was Charles Dickens.

Word around Tumblr is that Davekat is canon, but shipping in Homestuck has never been that simple. You try to force a scenario that would allow your ship to still be canon. Perhaps a Davejade moirallegiance? Blackrom Karezi? You write a thousand-word Tumblr post about your shipping opinions, only to be shouted down in an equally lengthy reblog. You start to formulate a perfect response, but pause and remind yourself…

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Stage Three: Remember the Bad Times

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God, shipping wars. You can’t believe you participated in those. Why did it seem so important whether or not it was acceptable to ship Kanaya with a male character? That’s only slightly less humiliating than the hundreds of posts you made in the Vriskachat quarantine threads. If you have to read one more post defending incest, you’ll do some kind of acrobatic pirouette off the handle. What was wrong with that fandom, anyway? They did embarrassing, disgusting things like spitting in a bucket in a public. They were all shithive maggots, you think, and so were you for associating with them.

 

Stage Four: Remember the Good Times

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Even if the fandom was completely shithive maggots, you have to admit, it was a lot of fun at times. That Hussie knows how to build an engaging narrative! You remember the first [S] page — that gentle clink of windchimes as the camera pulled away from John in front of his house along with the incorrectly attributed quote that would soon become a comic staple — and the soft thrill in your heart that told you this was an experience like no other. And it was! What other webcomic has elaborate animated sequences, a soundtrack, and RPG-style game segments? Nobody ever knew what was coming next. You’d spend your days in anticipation of your MSPA Update Notifier popping up. Then you’d read the update and rush to Tumblr to dissect it with your friends, craft theories, and take in the fanart and cosplay that fans had invariably already posted. It was more than just a comic to you: it was a community.

 

Stage Five: Rally the Troops

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What’s up with that community these days, anyway? You haven’t seen a single piece of Homestuck fanart in months. But since the latest set of updates, there has been stirring within the fandom once again. Last night, Vriska’s fanged grin graced your dashboard, and this morning you saw a thousand-word theory post about the new flash page. The fandom is still very much alive. You shoot a text to some of your friends who you suspect have fallen completely out of the loop, letting them know the end is nigh. It’s hard, being a Homestuck and finishing the comic. It’s hard, and nobody understands, so hold close to the ones who do.

 

Stage Six: Buckle in; it’s going to be a bumpy ride!

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Here the timeline goes black — none of us know what the future holds. But, knowing Hussie, it’s going to be pure spectacle, an elaborate puzzle of music and color and emotions full of sound and fury, signifying everything. Will we laugh? Will we cry? Will our ships become canon, only to be sunk? All of the above, probably. Whatever it is, it’ll be exhilarating. And then, after seven years, it will be over. Just remember…

 

In your dreams, you are the star.

It you.

 

#comics

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