This article is part of the POMEmag Séance Theme Week.
What lingering presences are haunting my mortal existence today? I cast my third eye’s gaze inward to find out.
Arranged in no particular order:
Lady Gaga’s 2012 Halloween Costume
It’s literally just a tablecloth with two holes cut in it but it’s still probably worth more than my objective fiscal worth as a human being. The spectre of Capitalism haunts me like so many cast-off meat dresses, decomposing in the mire.
Ethereal Dog
It pierces my soul with its silent plea for treats and pets.
This DVD
In 2008, I found this DVD in a Sam Goody’s clearance bin and it haunts my memory to this day; I have So Many Questions (but not enough questions that I bought the DVD so they eternally linger in my mind).
Old Photos Of Myself
I am especially haunted by:
- Bleached highlights
- Hats
- The passage of time, grinding away my fresh-faced optimism until only bones and dust remain (AKA me in 2016)
Ghostbusting Dog
Unable to communicate with the other side of the screen with this beleaguered little buddy, all I can do is whisper a silent prayer that he’ll be able to knock over a trash can and eat his fill in floss and bathroom trash.
All The News
Every time I close my eyes, I hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth of the World That Is Soon To Come, no matter how loudly I try to block it out with soothing Enya ~thoughtscape~ collections. I can’t even check my email without fielding 1,000 newsletters from nonprofits with subject lines like “Trump’s America: What At Stake For [Literally Every Issue Affecting Human Life On This Miserable Ass-Trash Piss-Planet]”.
Boo the Dog
He is a grown-ass dog, but cursed to forever look like a baby dog. A grown-ass baby dog. What has science done? Is he a puppy? Is he a dog? Is he a ghost?????? His little face is full of secrets and mysteries we’ll never unravel!!!!
How Cold My Hands Are All The Time
Am I dying?????????????????????????????????????
Crone Head Box
How can Amazon sell haunted goods? Do they have access to ghosts in bulk? These thoughts are really rattling my chains.
The Philosophical Concepts You Need to Buy Into In Order To Believe In Ghosts
How does the afterlife work?? Is there a heaven and hell? How can a mortal and thus finite being deserve infinite reward or punishment? How did they get those ghosts in the Crone Head Cookie Jar?????
Cotton Balls
Are they ghosts??????
External Stimuli
I am currently seeking an exorcism to banish communication between this world and my brain, or at the very least, a Groupon for a sensory deprivation chamber I can hide in for the next several years that definitely won’t murder me in my technology-induced uthenera.
Goodbye, cruel world! I’m off to hide from my fears! If you need me, I’ll be shoveling comfort-cheese into my mouth, inventing a human ThunderShirt and searching for Hot Movie Priests willing to exorcise 2016 from this terrible earth.
