Crone Clickbait

Beware these digital hexes while traveling the Spectral Internet

May 16, 2017 at 12:15 pm

Stay safe, coven. Following these crone clickbait headlines will trap you in a digital hell dimension from which there is no escape — and while you won’t believe what happens next, you definitely won’t like it. Heed our warnings and look out for these ads, so you know what to avoid when navigating the Spectral Internet.

 

crone clickbait souls

Spoiler alert: by clicking on this ad, you become one of those 13 souls.

 

crone clickbait eat this

Finding a trustworthy, capable huntsman in the gig economy is even harder than just procuring the heart yourself. Skip this ad and stock up on poisoned apples instead.

 

crone clickbait sea hag

This ad is a SCAM; sea hags don’t get out of bed for less than 125,000 mermaid souls per month.

 

crone clickbait cursed beasts

Don’t bother — it’s a slideshow.

 

crone clickbait witchfinder

If that’s actually Witchfinder Hopkins, I’ll eat my pointy hat.

 

crone clickbait 1 weird trick

Spectral Internet Safety Tip: no legitimate magical procurement office will ever ask you for an unmarked vial of your blood. Be careful when giving out your personal information on any website — no matter what kinds of terrifying magical powers it promises you.

 


 

Guard thyself from these cleverly disguised hexes, coven, and remember: in magic, as in life, there are no shortcuts to greatness — especially not on the other side of a half-assed display ad.

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!