Pet Owner Fallacies

via Unsplash

“Cats are just so smart and independent,” said someone whose cat spent the last 3 hours licking the side of their couch for no discernible reason.

via Pixabay

“Dogs are loyal and trustworthy,” said someone whose dog is currently sitting on their cheating ex’s lap, happily eating snacks and getting pets.

Pet Owner Fallacies bunny
via Pixabay

“Bunnies are sweet and loving, even if they don’t show it,” said someone whose rabbit bit off their cousin’s fingertip.

via Unsplash

“My bird has a good life” said a person who plucked a creature from the sky and removed its key defining feature as an organism.

Pet Owner Fallacies parrot
via Pixabay

“I am neither a psychopath nor a masochist,” said a parrot owner.

Pet Owner Fallacies hamster
via Pixabay

“My hamster definitely loves me, or at least remembers who I am,” said someone whose pet has a lifespan half as long as 90% of their shoes.

Pet Owner Fallacies exotic pet

“It’s totally legal to own this little guy,” said an exotic pet owner / person who doesn’t know the difference between legality and ethics.

Pet Owner Fallacies fish
via Pixabay

“This is definitely a pet,” says a person who killed 5 goldfish in the past 6 weeks.

Pet Owner Fallacies pig
via Pixabay

“A lot of people totally have these,” said the micropig owner / rookie mead homebrewer.

Pet Owner Fallacies horse
via Unsplash

“Anyone can afford to own a horse,” said someone with a summer home.

Pet Owner Fallacies snake

“Snakes are truly the most cuddly of pets,” said the person whose boa crushes other animals to death in its fatal embrace.

Pet Owner Fallacies ferret
via Pixabay

“You get used to the smell,” said the ferret owner, a person who can no longer stand to be in half of their house.

Pet Owner Fallacies goat
via The Witch (2015), and also the gates of hell

“This is my pet goat,” said a person who doesn’t know what a pet is.

Pet Owner Fallacies monkey

“I thought this decision through,” said someone who owns a monkey.

via Unsplash

“I like animals,” said the giant lizard owner; a person who has only touched their pet 3 times this year.

Pet Owner Fallacies humans

“I like animals,” said God, and look how that turned out.

Featured image via Pixabay.

CC Calanthe

CC Calanthe

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!
A collage featuring the top 10 crones of the year for 2023.

Crones of the Year 2023

As we spiral ever further towards certain catastrophe on this interminable mortal coil, there are some lights of hope that pass fleetingly by. Most often: the crones or otherwise eternal baddies found in all of our favorite escapist media. And so we present our top ten 2023 Crones of the Year.

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