Seven Surprisingly Common Beach Mistakes

Don't be caught off guard this summer!

June 24, 2016 at 11:30 am

The heat finally arrived in full force down here in Austin, Texas and wherever I am and whatever I’m doing, my gaze turns longingly towards the nearest body of water like a dowsing rod. Of course, nothing beats the beach for fun in the sun and I hope all y’all get at least one day of lounging on the sand this summer (because, heck, you deserve it!). It would be irresponsible, however, to encourage beach trips without also encouraging beach preparedness. So, for your convenience, I have assembled a list of seven surprisingly common beach mistakes to avoid this year. So please: avoid them!

 

Beach Mistake #1: Forgetting Your Bathing Suit

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No, we cannot tell that you’re not wearing anything underneath that sandwich board, but do you really want to spend your vacation doing unpaid promotion for Jim’s Shrimp Shed?

 

Beach Mistake #2: Bringing Your Lucky Grain of Sand with You

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I know it’s hard to leave behind something so important to you, but it’s just not worth the risk. You’d be surprised how hard it is to find that one grain of sand attuned to your body’s vibrations which allows positive energy and the good fortunes of the universe to enter your life after dropping it on a beach full of the stuff.

 

Beach Mistake #3: Applying Too Much Suntan Lotion

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Sunscreen is definitely important, both for preventing immediately painful burns and preventing longer term health risks. But did you know that if you apply too much, your skin will turn translucent? It’s true!

 

Beach Mistake #4: Dunking on the Lifeguard

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No matter how much your friends egg you on and no matter how perfectly positioned the basketball hoop and the lifeguard stand are, please, please, please refrain from dunking on the lifeguard. They are there to ensure your safety, not your amusement.

 

Beach Mistake #5: Not Petting this Cute Dog

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C’mon, look at it! It’s got a snorkel on!

 

Beach Mistake #6: Letting Your Friends Bury You Near Where the Seagulls Hang Out

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Oh boy, your friends really seem determined to get you into trouble today. But, whatever, if you wanna get shit on by some birds, that’s your problem.

 

Beach Mistake #7: Petting this Cute Dog

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Cute though it may be, that dog ain’t for petting!

 

Connor Shea

Connor Shea is a small press enthusiast and cartoonist from Austin, TX. You can find his work online at connorpistoleshea.com and cornershoe.tumblr.com . He is also a co-editor of the Rough House Comix anthology ( roughhousecomix.com )