Your Facebook Wall, Annotated

August 4, 2015 at 2:01 pm

If you are one of those brave souls intrepid enough to delete your Facebook profile, POMEmag salutes you. However, we’re still not sure how to invite y’all to our birthday parties. Mass text? Paper airplane? Seance? You tell us. Anyway: If you guys sorta miss that old, familiar social media behemoth [that is slowly preparing to destroy all humans by trapping us inside of the screen while they live out our lives for us within our fleshy bodies], here’s a quick recap of everything you’re not really missing right now.

 


 

Article: “13 Struggles Only Extroverted Introverts At Coachella Will Understand”

 

George Takei

 

Article: White People Mad

 

Facebook Status: Friend Reaching Adult Milestone You Have Been Waiting For Your Whole Life; It’s Cool Though; You’re Just Doing You Right Now, You Know?, I Mean, Paddle Your Own Canoe, Am I Right?

 

Kickstarter Laced With Social Obligation

 

George Takei

 

Facebook Ad For Medication Treating Illness You Won’t Come Down With For Another Few Months

 

Article: “Too Empathetic? 26 Ways You Are Just Too Kind And Everyone Who Has Ever Wronged You Can Just Go To Hell”

 

Article: Conservative Politician: “If We Replaced All The Women With Dogs Wearing Cowboy Hats, The World Would Be A Better Place”

 

Facebook Status: Person You Admire Still Cool As Hell; Regrets About Growing Apart / The Nature of Getting Older / Your Slow and Inevitable Death / Unless It’s Quick and Unexpected / Excuses To Not Leave Your House

 

Facebook Status: Inspirational Picture of Minion With So Many JPEG Compression Artifacts You Can Barely Read The Text

 

Article: George Takei’s 52 Best Posts From Last Tuesday

 

Kickstarter You’re “Too Broke” To Back Even Though You Just Impulse-Bought Some Spider-Man Socks, A Headband With Googly Eyes, and 3 Rolls of Galaxy-Print Duct Tape From The Target Dollar Bin

 

Article: 27 Bullshit Fandom-Related DIY Projects That Will Never Look This Way When You Make Them

 

Takedown of Article: “Planned Parenthood Repurposing Plasma And Cervical Cell Scrapings To Fuel Time Machine That Takes Them Back In Time So They Can Get You Pregnant”

 

Facebook Ad For Thing You Said Out Loud But Are Pretty Sure You Didn’t Look Up On Your Phone…

 

George Takei

 

George Takei

 

Article: “Pumpkin Spice? More Like Pumpkill Spice: Scientific Research Finds Link Between Seasonal Lattes And Literally Every Cancer”

 

Article: An Oral History of a Movie You Saw Once That You’ll Read Because You Vaguely Remember It

 

Facebook Status: Friend’s Cat Wearing A Tie, God Fucking Bless

 

Facebook Status: Pun Literally Copied And Pasted From George Takei’s Facebook Wall, Can You Believe That???

 

Article: “Women Biologically Programmed To Be Better At Reaching Into Garbage Disposal And Pulling Out All The Crap Stuck In There (But Especially Women Named Molly), Science Says”

 

Article: “There Are Two Sides To Every Story, Including This Tragic Hate Crime”

 

Article: Conservative Politician: “Are Gays Human?”

 

Facebook Ad For Baby Stuff, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

Article: Takedown of “If We Replaced All The Women With Dogs Wearing Cowboy Hats, The World Would Be A Better Place”

 

Article: Takedown of the Takedown of “If We Replaced All The Women With Dogs Wearing Cowboy Hats, The World Would Be A Better Place” By Person Who Only Read The First Sentence of Either Article But Felt Left Out

 

George Takei

 

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!