#ideas, #rando

Pet Owner Fallacies

"This goldfish is a real pet" and other lies we tell ourselves

Pet Owner Fallacies cat

“Cats are just so smart and independent,” said someone whose cat spent the last 3 hours licking the side of their couch for no discernible reason.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies dog

“Dogs are loyal and trustworthy,” said someone whose dog is currently sitting on their cheating ex’s lap, happily eating snacks and getting pets.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies bunny

“Bunnies are sweet and loving, even if they don’t show it,” said someone whose rabbit bit off their cousin’s fingertip.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies bird

“My bird has a good life” said a person who plucked a creature from the sky and removed its key defining feature as an organism.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies parrot

“I am neither a psychopath nor a masochist,” said a parrot owner.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies hamster

“My hamster definitely loves me, or at least remembers who I am,” said someone whose pet has a lifespan half as long as 90% of their shoes.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies exotic pet

“It’s totally legal to own this little guy,” said an exotic pet owner / person who doesn’t know the difference between legality and ethics.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies fish

“This is definitely a pet,” says a person who killed 5 goldfish in the past 6 weeks.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies pig

“A lot of people totally have these,” said the micropig owner / rookie mead homebrewer.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies horse

“Anyone can afford to own a horse,” said someone with a summer home.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies snake

“Snakes are truly the most cuddly of pets,” said the person whose boa crushes other animals to death in its fatal embrace.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies ferret

“You get used to the smell,” said the ferret owner, a person who can no longer stand to be in half of their house.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies goat

“This is my pet goat,” said a person who doesn’t know what a pet is.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies monkey

“I thought this decision through,” said someone who owns a monkey.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies lizard

“I like animals,” said the giant lizard owner; a person who has only touched their pet 3 times this year.

 

Pet Owner Fallacies humans

“I like animals,” said God, and look how that turned out.

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror in blood during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

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