13 Self-Care Tips for Boss Witches & Crones

This article is a part of Boss Witch Week 2017.



Whether you’re a seasoned crone or a fledgling sorceress, striking the right work-life balance can be tough . So often, self-care goes by the wayside when you have 200-year-old cauldrons to scrub, nightshade to distill, and unwitting villagers to lure into life-changing enchantments that come with a miserable twist. Who has time for chanting with your coven when there are dreadfully dull men willing to trade their soul for a love potion?

I know, I know – you’re too busy. But to be your best witch, self-care needs to come first. Here are 13 self-care tips for boss witches that will have you re-energized and ready for hexing.


1. Dance around a bonfire

Release that pent up energy! Dancing around a crackling bonfire in the moonlight and getting your body moving can feel especially good after a long, sedentary day of sitting around reading tarot cards or tea leaves for the local simpletons.


2. Catch up with your coven

We all know that hexing and cursing can be isolating work. Gather with your favorite hags and let loose! . It’s not every day that you get a chance to chant, cackle, shriek, and swap stories about dim-witted victims together. Hosting a séance can be a great way to reconnect with your coven.


3. Read a good spellbook

It never feels like there’s enough time to sit down and revisit your favorite spellbooks. You’ve grown accustomed to the same old charms, hexes, and potions that you’ve forgotten how fun some of the more obscure incantations can be. Take an afternoon and read a good book to revitalize your spellcasting!


4. Practice mindfulness

We’ve all had days when we go on autopilot. Things get routine, and you’re no longer summoning forth demonic spirits with the same fervor that you used to. Mindfulness can help you remain in the present and help you savor every experience. Next time you pick herbs in the garden under the full moon, feel each plant’s leaves and petals, breathe in the smell of the damp soil clinging to its roots, and take a moment to  appreciate how each of these herbs has a part to play in your next valerian sleeping draught.


5. List five people you hope to curse

Create a list of the most obnoxious, optimistic, bubbly, naïve, cheerful people you can think of who could really use a good cursing. Let’s see how happy they are about their newfound love when they’ve been turned into a fire-bellied toad.


6. Lounge around your hut naked

Cast off those old rags and lounge around in your bare skin. Nothing feels better than to be completely unencumbered by your robes, tunics, and various amulets and talismans.


7. Take a flight by broomstick under the full moon

Take out the old broomstick and take a relaxing flight across the night sky. Extra bonus for you if any villagers spot you and run inside their homes cowering out of fear!


8. Learn a new skill

Maybe there’s a skill or hobby you’ve never gotten around to but you’ve always wanted to learn. Set aside and afternoon and learn how to shrink heads, read runes, or practice your shapeshifting!


9. Heckle any prisoners under your watch

Perhaps a young man was gullible enough to come up to your hut and ask if you could possibly draw up a love potion to ensnare a pretty girl in his village – or, perhaps a lonely woman has asked for a spell to make her nose a bit smaller and her hair a bit more voluminous. Either way, we all know how it ends — the loveless young man now resides in a cage and the lonely woman is now a lonely goose in your pond. Go ahead and heckle them for your own amusement! Their anguished responses will certainly bring you some joy.


10. Write in your gratitude journal

It can be difficult to remember all the things you are thankful for on a daily basis, but gratitude journals help us remember the little things. Maybe you got that tricky incantation just right, or  you finally have peace and quiet after turning scores of door-to-door solicitors into mice – to your feline familiar’s delight. Perhaps that prophecy you’ve been waiting on finally came true, sealing the fate of a woefully unlucky merchant you despise.  There’s always at least one thing to be grateful for!


11. Declutter your potion stores

Though it can sometimes feel like a chore, decluttering and restocking your potion stores can be a great way to take your mind off things. Now when you need to whip up a quick healing serum, you won’t be knocking over the pickled slugs to get to your powdered asphodel.


12. Spend time with your cat, crow, demonic rabbit, etc.

Every boss witch needs a familiar. Make sure that you’re giving them the care they need! ! Remember — your relationship with your familiar is symbiotic, and you draw power from each other. If you don’t care for your familiar, ultimately the both of you suffer. Connecting with your familiar can be both empowering and magically rewarding.


13. Bathe in the blood of an unsuspecting youth

Nothing is as re-energizing as sucking the life force of another to retain your eternal youth. The young, bright-eyed, and easily fooled  are especially useful for this. Drain them of the desired amount of blood, and take a warm bath! You’ll feel invigorated and renewed for another decade – not to mention it will do wonders for your skin.


So, remember to step away from desiccating hawthorn berries and plucking out newts’ eyes, and give yourself the break you deserve. Exhausted witches make for half-hearted charms and uninspired curses. You may be a boss crone plotting to wreak havoc on those who infuriate, annoy, or bore you, but to avoid burnout and ensure that your wicked plans are executed to the best of your ability, take the steps necessary to be your best witch yet.


Claudine Lucena

Claudine Lucena

As a college freshman, Claudine started drawing comics in an attempt to make friends. Other things she has done to make friends include playing instruments, amateur theatre, and having in-depth conversations about how we all sometimes feel like ____ about ____ but no one really talks about it. Presently, Claudine can be found making zero friends while inhabiting darkly lit corners of coffeeshops writing papers for graduate school.

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