Welcome back to Riverdale Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about all the drama and sexy intrigue from last week’s Riverdale — just in time to get you up-to-speed for tonight’s episode. Today we’re talking about Season 2 Episode 17: “The Noose Tightens.” Join us to unpack our feelings about Nana Rose, cast a Riverdale/Middlemarch AU, and formulate more portmanteaus for all our favorite Riverdale couples.
Please note: this recap includes Extreme Spoilers for this episode, as well as the entirety of Season One. We warned you!!
CC: our uncanny powers of prediction seem to be getting stronger as we move through the season bc
holy shit toni rules
Jenny: she is so good!!
Jenny: the hero we need!!
Rachel: she is one of only 2 good things in this episode
Jenny: is the other good thing…
CC: is the other: the implication that alice and FP finally hooked up???
Rachel: YES
YES IT IS
Jenny: the gum toss
was a nice touch
Rachel: I wish more time was spent on this
Jenny: SAME
CC: next ep better OPEN ON THAT CAR, the one they are GOING TO THE BONE ZONE atop of
maybe not the murder car, just A Car
Jenny: Sheriff Keller’s car
CC: beautiful
obligatory “HIRE US CW” over here
Rachel: everybody is boning everybody and i love it
oh, the other thing I loved was Kevin and Moose staring in that deviant movie
Jenny: same
it’s so hard NOT to be ensnared by deviants tbh
CC: there are just so many enticing deviants
Rachel: I mean, I sympathize
CC: in riverdale, who WOULDN’T want to be ensnared by deviants
even just a little ensnared
Jenny: i’ll tell you some deviants i’d like to avoid
Jenny: these guys
CC: ugh
UGH
Jenny: this was the fucking worst
Rachel: goddddd
I hate this
I hate this I hate this I hate this
CC: “”””the dark circle”””””
Jenny: mortal kombat looking motherfuckers
POSTURING
Rachel: what were they called before??
CC: the red spot??
Jenny: the red circle
now they’re the Dark Circle
Rachel: man what a stretch
the imagination
Jenny: the transformation
CC: my suggestion for the next iteration:
blood cube?
sounds more dangerous
Rachel: nega circle
Jenny: the maroon stain
CC: ominous sphere
Rachel: spooky blob
CC: of course mr. unpopular opinion (reggie) is pro private prison
Jenny: reggie sucks
i’m glad v punched him last week
Rachel: also since when is Josie is running mate??
was that always a thing?
CC: I think so but tbh I don’t think they elaborated on it all that much
Jenny: i think they’re trying to call back to their garbage-pickup flirting scene
from, like, ages ago
CC: wow riverdale is all about “power couples” huh
Jenny: as per usual — not elaborating on josie
for shame
Rachel: well cause V approached Josie for support for her election and like, that makes on sense if she was running with Reg
Jenny: i think it’s a new thing
i don’t think josie was running last week
but yeah they didn’t really explain it
though i could see how she would be motivated to start campaigning
presenting herself as an alternative to veronica
CC: well I’m still voting for rachel
for riverdale student body president
Jenny: same
Rachel: thank you for your support
also Team Rosie is sooooo much better than Team Varchie
CC: varchie omg
Jenny: oh god
yeah
she had that dumb “team varchie” shirt
i mean it was cute
but dumb
varchie is a terrible word
like a strained vagina
CC: lol yeah jenny, “varchie” sounds like a colloquial term for some kind of downstairs dryness
what it is is something that sounds unpleasant but not necessarily contagious
look man ya gotta know if yours & your partner’s names won’t be a good portmanteau
Rachel: I wonder what Jug and Betty’s is?
Jenny: bug head
i think is what it is on the internet
Rachel: see that’s cute
Rosie is a cute couple name though
Jenny: not as good a Cheri
Rachel: Cheri and Bughead are my faves in terms of endearing portmanteaus
but Cheri this week
they really strung us along, trying to get to that kiss!
I’ve been waiting for weeks!
Jenny: but it was a nice kiss
CC: a good kiss, a good couple
Jenny: it was maybe a little cheesy, a little on the nose, but it was good and we/they deserve cheesy
CC: I am so glad that these teens can get past their rivalries to bust their pal out of a creepy religious conversion camp
I feel bad for josie though
Jenny: yeah
that was a shitty thing penelope did
shitty to josie
and also shitty to cheryl
and also shitty to toni
penelope sucks
is what i’m saying
Rachel: she really reveled in it
her shittiness
Jenny: that was kind of her thing this ep
CC: all the blossoms gotta go (except maybe nana rose?)
Jenny: love nana rose
Rachel: I have such mixed feelings about her
I mean, yeah, she’s doing something for Cheryl here, but didn’t she also particpate in that lynch mom that killed that guy?
Jenny: fair
i’m just so glad she appreciates bob ross
also she’s so drama
CC: nana rose is a messy bitch who lives for drama
literally only kept alive by it
it’s how she shrugged off that poisoning
Jenny: i mean, crawled off that poisoning
CC: she’s like those kids in persona 5, except instead of being fed on public support, her powers are sustained thru drama
the more drama ensues, the more powerful she becomes
by the end of this show she’ll be like a giant mecha crone
Jenny: now that’s the show i want to watch
going back a little
to friends coming together to break their other friend out of the conversion convent
Jenny: (through secret gay hookup tunnels)
I was kind of disappointed
Jenny: i was kind of disappointed to see the loss of Veronica’s trademark “sneaking around” cape
Rachel: man their looks in this rescue op
Jenny: what a boob window
toni’s black bra, mesh shirt — she looks great, but is it maybe too much skin for sneaking in the shadows?
Rachel: normally I’m like, so into these looks
but V walked out and I was just like “girrrlllllllll”
“why tho”
Jenny: boob window too big
CC: I am impressed that she didn’t have to do the ol discrete “crossing one’s arms while running”
with that much boob in one smol bra
Rachel: I think a lot about how these people are teens
and how I don’t like how sexy they are
Jenny: yeah
fair
CC: I always end up kinda laughing at this show whenever it’s like, “these are teens”
I legit forgot that alice could force betty to move home
like, “she’s like 31, how can you make her do something she doesn’t want to do” LOL
Jenny: EXHIBIT B!!!
Jenny: has archie gotten his driver’s license since the s2 premiere???
CC: THIS is what lands hiram back in jail
Jenny: god i hope so
the prison that he built
CC: also i love how they bought him that car as a pretend gift when really it’s just like “hey kid, guess you’re our servant now”
Jenny: LOL
yeah
Jenny: Veronica: accept this EXTRAVAGANT gift from my parents; of course it’s not like we own you now!
that’s gotta be a weird spot to be in
CC: archiekins pls pick up my dry cleaning
hope this sick unpaid internship is worth betraying your earnest, handsome dad, archie!!!!
the lodges are no toni morrison, that’s for sure
Jenny: yeah — her parents start to send andre, and then v’s like “oh don’t worry, we’ve got it” (looks at archie)
Jenny: NOTHING IS WORTH UPSETTING MOLLY RINGWALD LIKE THIS ARCHIE
and fred was really sweet this ep
Rachel: so sweet!!
CC: is there some unwritten rule in fiction
where the more earnest a dad is, the more obligated he is to say, verbatim, “I’m not much for speechifying” ???
I just finished listening to the middlemarch audiobook and the World’s Greatest Dad character says that exact line too!!!
what a blessed earnest trope
Jenny: [maybe riverdale is just an elaborate middlemarch au]
Rachel: [holy shit]
[i need to read middlemarch then]
CC: [you’d Love It dude; it’s my second time on this audiobook and it was a Fucking Delight]
[the one I listened to was the juliet stevenson one]
Jenny: [i’m trying to think of other characters]
[would archie be fred?]
[idk if i have a strong enough grasp to be making these claims]
[would jughead be the artsy cousin upstart guy?]
CC: [anything can be cast with middlemarch characters if u try hard enough; easy with a book with like 30 protagonists LOL]
[jug is a total ladislaw 100% 100% 100%!!!! UH, ANYWAY]
Jenny: while we’re talking about fred
Jenny: molly ringwald has been SO SUPPORTIVE
and when she first came back
and fred was like “I called in the big guns”
i loved that
he loves his wife
even though they’ve been separated
he loves and respects her
and he knows how smart and capable she is
that’s so important to me
CC: i know ;__;
love it
why is she leaving again????
I mean other than that riverdale can’t afford molly ringwald for that many eps in a row
Jenny: is she leaving?
i thought she was staying on through his election
CC: I thought she said she was heading out but maybe I am blessedly mistaken
Jenny: i may have missed that
i honestly don’t think i pay attention to the last, like, quarter of any given ep
except of course to see that Kevin is directing a musical of Stephen King’s Carrie!
what the fuck??
i’m into it
Rachel: woah I did not understand the way that episode ended, but I guess that’s cause I haven’t seen Carrie??
was it a Carrie reference???
Jenny: Carrie lights things on fire w her mind
but i agree
it was weird, tonally
idk if madelaine delivered that line super well
CC: i mean, burning shit down is cheryl’s answer to everything
so that sounds like a perfect fit
Jenny: i’m down
speaking of things that were weird, tonally, though
Jenny: i don’t think i fully understood this callback
like, are they saying that adams was the black hood
or are they just saying that archie is triggered by men in black masks?
CC: the actual black hood looks too grizzled to be that animated organic flesh woody doll
Jenny: bc adams was def not the same size or shape as the black hood
CC: YEAH
Rachel: I think the latter?? but I guess, now he is one
CC: I think it’s just archie’s flashbacks to the black hood
Jenny: it seemed like a weird moment
but also i’m glad they’re not pretending like the black hood thing is over
even though i so so want it to be over
Rachel: I guess it’s like, this is Archie’s reason for everything
even if it doesn’t super make sense
it’s like the writers being like “We promise we have a reason for Archie doing this!!”
CC: yeah!!!
HOW
THE HELL
WOULD A FOR PROFIT PRISON
HAVE STOPPED THE BLACK HOOD
would it stop archie’s dad from hooking up with v’s mom???
would it stop the economic disenfranchisement of the south side thus precipitating the need for the serpents in the first place???
I DO NOT THINK SO, ARCHIE
how would this prison solve literally any of your problems
Jenny: archie’s such a dummy
exhibit 19035:
Jenny: god
i wanted to slap him so hard when he started talking here
you’re 15!
and you didn’t do any of the things you’re claiming! (except beat up that rapist)
CC: lol y’all remember when archie sabotaged jug’s drag race because he didn’t like crimes???
Jenny: remember when he was a pure and sweet boy
remember when his being a dummy was endearing??
Rachel: omg I forgot about that
CC: a benevolent pair of abs with a pair of eyebrows on top of them?
Rachel: it’s all we ever wanted him to be
Jenny: “i’m looking at you now and i don’t know who you’ve become”
-molly/us
Rachel: do we have any predictions for how this shit with the lodge’s is going to go down??
mob wars in Riverdale
CC: I think somehow hiram has more control over this shit than he lets on
I think this is partially a plot to get archie even more in his pocket to somehow compromise fred’s campaign???
idk
Jenny: i think i agree; when he was like “i don’t know what happens next” — that felt v out of character; that felt v much like something he was saying to manipulate archie into taking the lead/doing something stupid
(the dark circle)
Rachel: and how is V so in the dark and so complicit with all of this???
she doesn’t see how this is Very Problematic
CC: smdh @ v in every episode
Jenny: yeah she is super not looking out for archie
she’s been in a p bad way for a While now
i hope next week is about how she really wants to patch things up w betty
CC: and then actually makes an attempt
instead of being like, “i am doing crimes, but for good reasons, ok???”
Jenny: yes
couples mani-pedis
and also standing up to her parents
CC: at this point i bet she stands up to her parents and archie is like
finally, u can adopt me without making things weird
://////
Jenny: oof
i mean
yeah
yikes
CC: what i am saying is, v will change her mind about going down with this ship before archie does
Jenny: i could really see that happening
Rachel: I hope it does
and it’ll be a rude awakening for archikins
CC: this is kind of on another subject but
what do y’all think about the serpents becoming essentially chaotic superheroes
Jenny: i’m kind of surprised that jug was able to rally them in such a show of force
CC: if they are unwilling to VOTE FOR JUGHEAD for student body president why are they willing to threaten murderers for betty on his behalf but okay
Rachel: I guess cause the stakes were higher??
literal murderers
CC: I think sweet pea secretly likes to be persuaded into doing things
Rachel: he just wants people to work for it
Jenny: also, i mean, the police force in this town hasn’t been super on top of things?
so i think it’s a good thing — at least narratively, at least for the drama
Rachel: that’s true
Jenny: i’m p on board with just calling in the serpents to shut down blackmailers/other plot lines i don’t want to bother watching play out
like
chuck starts talking about his comics career
call in the serpents
hal
call in the serpents
CC: archie starts talking
call in the serpents
Rachel: now that Alice is back with the serpents, I’m ready for this to be the serpents show
CC: YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA
are y’all ready for final thoughts?
Jenny: almost
before we get to final thoughts
i want to wrap up the blackmailers thing just by saying: chic is gone now?
is that what’s happening?
Rachel: I mean, I doubt it
seems unlikely
CC: also like
there’s no way he didn’t tip off the cops
I bet he comes for alice next
what a lil shit
Jenny: oh that’s going to suck
Rachel: he’s playing some game for sure
CC: chick is good at fake crying
Jenny: honestly i hate this kid
“i was trying to help”
my ass
Rachel: I mean, when that’s the first thing you say when you walk in
you know you’ve fucked up
CC: can confirm; have walked into a room saying “I was trying to help” before
I mean to be fair, if he was actually trying to help, he probably would have said “I was JUST trying to help” but I know that is just semantics
Rachel: well I vote Chic off the island
and out of our lives
Jenny: yeah no way he didn’t cut himself in on that 10 grand
seconded
CC: i feel like chic is not smart enough not to start shit with people he knows can thoroughly hide a body
good luck chump!
Jenny: so, final thoughts?
Rachel: my final thought is, these murders nuns are not going to hurry for anybody
just walking threateningly in a pack
Jenny: running is for nerds
CC: and deviants
Jenny: lol yeah — running is for deviants
CC: my final thought is: I am So Hyped about Alice’s new serpent makeover because I’m counting on one
every time Alice resolves to do anything she follows it up with a Look so I for one am hyped
Jenny: yeah she needs another slow motion entrance — it’s been too long since the last one
my final thought is:
Jenny: in jug’s voice over right at the beginning, he refers to himself (and archie/betty/veronica) as cheryl’s friend
and that made me really happy
CC: to be fair tho, reggie is also there and he is nobody’s friend
Jenny: lol
yes, fair
CC: BUT I think this coming from jug, during what is maybe cheryl’s darkest hour
indicates that he thinks of himself as her friend
i mean I’ll take it!
Jenny: right??!
it’s important to me that people be friends w cheryl
Rachel: it’s very sweet and I love it
she needs to know that people care about her
CC: cheryl for student body president 2018
Jenny: YES
CC: (sorry rachel)
Rachel: (it’s ok, I’m voting for her too)
(especially if she burns all the garbage in this town to the ground)
CC: what a campaign promise; I’m sold
All images within this article are sourced from the CW’s Riverdale.
