Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. It’s time for the penultimate episode of the guaranteed 2-season run — things have to get worse before they get better, and oh boy do they ever get worse. Buckle up for the reckless decision-making, rampant symbolism, and #relatable content we’ve come to know and love about this show.
Jenny: this ep was so much
CC: yall wanna summarize? bc I have a p good summary
Jenny: go for it
CC: ok here we go, a summary in three parts:
CC: what an episode
Rachel: lol p accurate
Jenny: what a mood
CC: otherwise, like: where to begin
Jenny: i mean: sabrina kills her double
roz and harvey say the l word
she realizes that wardwell’s scheming was behind her descent
Rachel: i felt like that happened so fast
like, it’s been building for 1.5 seasons
and suddenly
lightbulb!!!!
wardwell is bad!!!!!
and then she doesn’t question it, she acts immediately
Jenny: yeah — but also
if ANYONE brags to me about how they studied with ~Nostradamus~
Jenny: that’s a nope from me
too douchey to be trusted
CC: look to be fair to sabrina, i too had the same thought
wardwell is………..really bad??????
okay i guess we’re just
GOING with this all of the sudden
totally out of the blue, who could have foreseen it
i just kept waiting for that turn away from internalized misogyny that never came
????
Jenny: truly
speaking of which
i cannot bear to see prudence spiral farther into this mess
CC: this episode was too goddamn real
i came here to have a silly good time and honestly i’m remembering how i’m feeling so attacked right now????
Jenny: for real — we were all “not like other girls” once
and this is a painful reminder
CC: when that witch got taken into custody trying to flee the witchy theocracy
that was
yup
Jenny: oh man
oh god
so bad
CC: We Live In Hell 2k19 ™
Rachel: this is a real handmaid’s tale
that’s immediately what i thought of — all the women just get their rights taken away overnight
oh god do y’all think margaret atwood is gonna show up too???
fuck
Jenny: sister atwood
save me avenging angels from this inevitable new character assassination
CC: ANYway when women’s rights are under attack, what do we do?
well i can tell u what we DON’T do, PRUDENCE
wrench your baby sister from the safety of a woods-witch’s care and into the hellfire!!!! and then throwing zelda on there for good measure!!!!!
Rachel: that was just so disappointing
i’m glad that she came around but
disappointed it took Blackwood planning to marry his daughter to his son
Jenny: god yeah “for the purification of the blackwood line”
Y I K E S
CC: nobody told him that the game of thrones finale sucked
Jenny: lol
CC: i mean
at the very least
I’m grateful the plot didn’t veer off into a “prudence is in competition with her favored baby sister” plot
i mean like
CC: a better revenge is throwing off the shackles of warlock patriarchy!!!!!!!!
throw the whole man away!
Jenny: come on wardwell! i thought you were better than this!
Rachel: do y’all think she’s come around at the end??
CC: i mean god
i hope so
i don’t think my heart could take it
Jenny: as the keeper of the spoilers all i can say is: no comment
CC: nooooooooo
Rachel: oh yeah, also, i’m officially caught up with myself!!
i don’t know anything after this!
CC: woohoo!
we’re in for this wild ass ride together!
one more thing before we’re off this internalized misogyny kick
i am so grateful for the character development zelda and hilda have received
Jenny: !!!!!
CC: throwing off their rivalry (if you could even call it that)
i also appreciated zelda for the entire rollout of the church of judas
like
Blackwell: creates a dumbass church just for fun i guess or w/e
Zelda:
CC: Blackwell: decides to starve a woman to death for trying to escape his theocratic witch state
Zelda:
Jenny: god yeah
CC: but i mean, me too lol
Jenny: the church of judas — ugh
Jenny: it’s just
so much
god damn
that new statue
Rachel: what a bold move
Jenny: i can’t help but think that they had to get rid of the baphomet statue after the lawsuit and this was their in-universe fix
CC: LOL
blackwell rn:
Jenny: LOL
yes
but also commissioning a statue of yourself is definitely a decision
in terms of Power Moves it’s right up there with
Jenny: “i won’t do anything rash or reckless, i promise”
this was something i didn’t notice my first time through — the crossed fingers here
Rachel: the return of the crossed fingers!!
she loves doing that
Jenny: you’d think the people in her life would know to check by now
Rachel: all characters take note — when extracting a promise from sabrina, make her show you her hands
CC: she’d just cross her toes!
Jenny: it’s all about those loopholes
or maybe just straight up cheating??
which kind of brings me to the mandrake double
should we talk about this??
it’s so weird???
Rachel: yeah let’s get into it
there’s a lot to unpack here
Jenny: i love a “kill your double” narrative for the symbolism
but this
was so much
CC: A lot of really convincing crying from Kieran Shipka this ep
A lot of Acting!! too tbh but the crying was p good
Jenny: while we’re on crying
just for a moment
Jenny: i genuinely did not get why this guy was cast as a romantic lead until this moment
love a soft boy who can cry gently
Rachel: honestly he’s more than sabrina deserves
i am solidly not on the sabrina train y’all
she’s SO SELFISH
and she parades it around like she’s such a fucking martyr
Jenny: i’m right there with you
like — the mandrake had to be SO OVER THE TOP selfish to distinguish it from her at all
the way she went back to harvey
honestly not so different from when regular sabrina went back to harvey like 5 episodes ago
it’s just that the language was a lot simpler
CC: also less blinking
Jenny: like, she KNEW that harvey and roz were moving on together
also yeah less blinking
but mostly
i loved this
Rachel: a brutal move
CC: that was some extremely hashtag relatable content
Jenny: i WISH this had been regular sabrina
i think a lot of her problems could’ve been solved by communicating a little more directly
Rachel: lol or just having some clarity of purpose
but without the brutal murder of course
Jenny: i mean i’m fine w that
these guys at least
not fine w returning harv, roz, and theo to the earth
CC: theo was the ep MVP IMO
theo: not afraid to kill a crazed mine witch
theo: will kill ur doppelganger to save you, doesn’t brag about it
Jenny: THEO IS A PRINCE
HE’S THE BEST
Rachel: also, the return of dorothea!!
i really do not know if i should trust that ghost or not
real mixed signals
Jenny: i still don’t trust dorothea, but theo is precious and a gift
Rachel: true true
Jenny: RELATABLE
CC: LOL
Jenny: mostly what i’m trying to say re: the mandrake sabrina
is that i actually really liked her, aside from the killing our human pals
she was sweet to hilda in a way that regular sabrina has never been
she was clear and direct when confronted by blackwood’s goons
in those two senses, at least, she was a good foil to sabrina, in the way that doubles are meant to be
but idk that sabrina learned from her twin
idk that killing her double really made sabrina more complete — like, in killing her double, she’s meant to take the characteristics of her double in to herself and thereby become a more complete individual
but, she doesn’t really do that
they’re all so wrapped up in the fact that satan hath return to this earth that she doesn’t really have the space to acknowledge the loss/gain of her twin
Rachel: i mean, that’s been a consistent theme throughout these riverdale shows
nobody grows
Jenny: except hilda and zelda!
Rachel: oh true!
they are the unique exceptions, which is part of why they are so great
Jenny: it’s true
mostly where i’m going w this is back to my transition in!
Jenny: sabrina cheats at promises
she cheats at duels
she probably cheats at board games
CC: maybe a part of sabrina’s strategy was emphasizing honor and the importance of being honorable????
but i mean, if she was, she was also just kinda piggybacking off of ambrose
idk
Jenny: fair — fair; i could see that
CC: i mean, another “waaa to be fair” point i wanna make
Jenny: go for it
CC: i think sabrina’s actions are a really good way to see where you are on the “ends justify the means” pendulum
sabrina wonders whether or not the mandrake double feels and it’s clear she believes she does
she definitely regrets being in this situation
idk, I don’t think what she does is moral or right and she def has a god (demon???? lol) complex
Rachel: yeah i mean, she regretted bringing tommy back too
CC: but I think what the show is TRYING to ask, however clumsily, is how far Sabrina is willing to go for what she really believes are the right reasons
anyway hi i’m cc and this has been my TED talk
Rachel: brina does a lot of things she regrets, it’s her most consistent character attribute
apart from never ever changing that same character attribute
she never becomes wiser
Jenny: truly
i mean
why would you, when
Jenny: if my regrettable decisions were rewarded w absolute power i probably wouldn’t grow or change either
Rachel: lol a good point!
well, are yall ready for final thoughts?
cause i have one
Jenny: go for it
Rachel: is Salem the Ghost of this show?????
is having this black cat extremely expensive???
and that’s why he gets such limited screentime??
CC: OH NOOOO
Jenny: oh no!
CC: PET THE DAMN CAT, SABRINA
Jenny: she can’t — shipka’s actually allergic
Rachel: movie magic though!!!
pet that small dog and turn it into a cat in post!
Jenny: LOLOLOLOLOL
Rachel: i’m just saying
there is not enough salem in this
there are so many opportunities where having a goblin familiar could make for good and interesting plot points
Jenny: absolutely true
Rachel: any way i’m rachel and thank u for coming to my ted talk
Jenny: visualize yourself petting the cat and then make it real
my final thought is that
despite the So Much-ness of this ep, it really was out here w all sorts of relatable content
like: every time Theo had to be in a scene w harvey and roz making out
but mostly
Jenny: this one from sabrina
millennial burnout in one image
Rachel: LOL
Jenny: it’s me every time i have to wake up early on a saturday
Rachel: amazing
it truly captures the zeitgeist
CC: ok i got it
I know i can sometimes come off like a sabrina apologist but also
sabrina: cheats at duel to kill her double
sabrina: grieves the death of her double????
me:
CC: wait let me try this version
Jenny: lolololololololololol
she does always seem so surprised when her actions have consequences
i know i’ve been really down on sabrina the past few weeks
but i do want to say that i’m glad that she’s out here being messy and making bad decisions
i’m glad that she isn’t perfect
CC: me too
Jenny: love to see a woman being a bad person on TV (so long as the show isn’t trying to pretend that she’s actually being good and right)
CC: agreed, but at the same time
RIP, Sabrina Doppelganger, you naive, straightforward, douche-bro juicing baby bird
may you enjoy all the pancakes you want up in cursed veggie heaven
Jenny: bless
In the mood for even more Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Hot Takes? Head on over to our Patreon and check out some extra content we couldn’t fit into this post. This time, we put together a drinking game to get ready for the season finale. See y’all back here next week for even more Sabrina-themed hexin’, cursin’, and cussin’.
All images within this article are sourced from Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina unless otherwise noted.
