Welcome back to Romance Roundtable: Bridgerton Edition, or as we like to call it, the “Uncut Gems of Romance.” This week we’re all a-buzz about Papa Bridgerton’s untimely demise, death croquette, and the joy of getting absolutely zooted in the middle of nowhere. And of course, be warned: spoilers for the first four episodes of Bridgerton Season 2 lie ahead!
Ashley: let’s go!
đđđđđđđđ
Jenny: the theme of this week: bbcâs escape to the country
Ashley: is that a real bbc show?
Jenny: lol yes
Rachel: REALLY???
holy shit
Jenny: but this time
bee bee beeâs escape to the country
Ashley: YESSSSSSS
Rachel: lolllll
CC: I really appreciate that the whole âgoing to the countryâ arc was resolved within two episodes
v convenient for our recapping purposes
Jenny: thatâs actually one of my only real complaints about this season vs. last season
last season felt really tight–like 3 acts, very straightforward
this season
more arcs, resolution a little slapdash; maybe trying to do too much
CC: maybee
Ashley: hehehe
Rachel: dear reader, i hope you are prepared
for the bee puns
Ashley: always bee punning
CC: so if I was gonna summarize these two episodes
my summary would be
[record scratch]
CC: I bet youâre wondering how I ended up like this
Ashley: i mean⊠pretty much
Jenny: lolololol
proposing to the sister of the woman iâm in love with. well, itâs a funny story
Rachel: LOLLL
god this was painful
Ashley: his haunted eyes and forced smile make him look like the crunchiest reaction image
CC: i mean we get to know the whole deal
from his surprisingly well worn â29 year oldâ fatherâs untimely demise to this uh, ominous proposal
also lol yes agreed
Rachel: watching this proposal happen is what propelled me to watch all the kissing parts of the rest of the season
i just needed to know
Ashley: YEP
re: the pacing comment jenny made earlier – the chaos of this season definitely propelled me forward in a way last season didn’t
last season i would be like, okay here’s a nice stopping point
this season was like, the Uncut Gems of romance
“what are you do – WHAT ARE YOU DOING????”
Jenny: lol i mean, when you put it that wayâŠ
CC: I kept yelling the same thing!!!
like
you IDIOTS
youâre 27-to-29 years old!!!!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
this is some 23 year old romantic ineptitude party fouls all around
but also: times were different and ALSO I am forcing myself not to watch ahead LOL
so I donât know where things go from here!
Ashley: you are stronger than the poisonous man-killing sting of a bee, CC
Rachel: well itâs a safe bet to assume smooching happens at some point
Jenny: youâre doing this rountable a service by keeping your perspective pure
but also yes the man-killing bee
the plotline i thought was lost from 2020
does anyone else remember that? from like, may 2020? a new species of man-killing bee?
was it a fever dream?
regardless
the escape to the country arc opens up with: 10 years earlier (the origins of anthonyâs daddy issues)
Ashley: HAHAHA
i am SO curious about allergy science at this time but too lazy to google it
like⊠when did it become possible to survive a fatal allergy attack? (i know for sure that someone probably wouldn’t die quite THAT fast but no one needs 20 minutes of a man gasping for air)
Jenny: oh yeah he went IMMEDIATELY into the like, zombie makeup
CC: how did this family line survive this long with such a glaring achilles heel, is what i want to know
i know theyâre not like, necessarily ALL allergic to bees but still
Jenny: thatâs why they have so many kids
itâs a numbers game
CC: yeah that checks out
Ashley: they definitely did not talk (in these eps at least) about how the Bee Murder started anthony’s superstition, so it seems like⊠he assumes that he will be killed⊠by a bee?
Jenny: i have to hope that anthonyâs âiâm going to die at 38 bc thatâs when my father diedâ superstition was cut by these showrunners to make room for better things
def i donât think it exists within the text of the adaptation
Rachel: lol i think thatâs what happened
i think what it is, is that he saw how much his mother suffered, and he didnât want to do that to another woman
like, being in love to that extent
that if something bad happens, he would leave someone like that
Jenny: yeah–that honestly made WAY more sense as an explanation
Rachel: YES
Jenny: and that scene was nice
Jenny: so stubborn but about this thing that is good and makes good sense to you
Ashley: hahaha oh yes, very very earth sign
so martyry
it totally makes sense as a motivation but i’m also like,,,, man can’t you see how being your wife’s roommate would cause the same amount of pain in slow motion???
Jenny: no he cannot; it has not occurred to him and so it does not exist
Ashley: i guess he does (fairly) assume that their marriage would be typical of the era, and more businesslike
Jenny: so the country visit â they bridgertons are throwing a big party, but theyâve invited the sharmaâs out early for quality time
CC: ; )
if you know what we mean
(chaperoned visits and outdoor party games baybeeeee)
Jenny: yes very
and the main activity is death croquet
Rachel: i know weâve talked about the chemistry this family has
Jenny: delightful
Rachel: but nothing is more endearing to me than seeing siblings bully each other in a made up sport
and also seeing Kate get in out it
chefâs kiss
Jenny: not just kate!
i also really loved this moment
Jenny: lady danbury cheering on eloise
Rachel: LOLLLL
Jenny: so nice!
canât wait to see how the two of them interact when we get to eloiseâs season
CC: honestly if lady danbury cheers you on how could you possibly lose
Jenny: itâs true
Ashley: blessed by queen crone herself
Jenny: itâs her blessing and not any superstition over croquet mallets that will bring victory
Jenny: but also daphne does win
CC: look: 100% agreed over croneâs blessings and all
but while weâre on the subject of eloise though, yâall, i have a confession to make
i do not like eloise!!!!!!
Rachel: đź
Jenny: oh lol i can see it
CC: maybe itâs bc I too discovered feminism as a teen and i am in this picture and do not like it
but still!!!!!!!!
Rachel: LOL
Ashley: HAHAH
honestly yeah, i feel you CC
CC: i just feel like! keep it down over there! people are trying to regency bone! (ie, graze cheeks gracefully with tears in their eyes)
Jenny: in fairness to eloise
when i was her age (in the show), i was doing a lot more of this âiâm not like other girls–what, are you scared of getting your boots muddy, pussy?â bullshit
Rachel: oh same, 100000%
CC: yeah see, i was very much âhave u heard of this very cool website feministing dot com???â
(which i think eloise would have been all about if she had been a teen in the mid to late aughts instead)
Jenny: at least eloise is able to stick up for other women
Jenny: when she tells this guy to fuck off when he says sheâs not like other girls
CC: like, ok, I agree that she is right to be pissed off about her mom trying to set her up with the spike the punch guy / gatekeeping nerd guy
but at the same time
this was too much and I 100% relate to not knowing what to do if you hand me a baby
CC: like OK KID, WE GET IT but also like I didnât do some of this same stuff lmao
Rachel: i saw a baby this weekend and had the opposite reaction
âi want to hold that babyâ
a thing i actually said
(this was my friendâs baby, not a random baby!!! just for clarity!!!!)
Ashley: hahahaha
CC: yeah see maybe iâm more of a give-the-baby-a-thumbs-up kind of baby reactor
like, good on you, baby
keep it up
Ashley: here’s my thing about eloise: i think she is very purposefully White Feminist, but within a show that is race-bent and absolutely class semi-unconscious? it’s a very sketchy brew
CC: the comeuppance i feel like sheâs getting set up for
i am not ready for it
i am annoyed by but also worried for her
bc if a story w a grumpy and frequently protecting feminist character has one goal its the inevitable comeuppance narrative
Rachel: i think thatâs why she is a good Teen Representative
CC: also LOL rachel agreed
Jenny: yes â i do not want to hang out w her, but i am concerned for her â peak teen
Rachel: my hope that her comeuppance is more of a cumeuppance with handsome newsie
youâre welcome
Jenny: woof
CC: L O L L L L L
Ashley: ASHDJFKLAGSDUFAESDUFGBAJ
CC: i feel like with this many kids you can afford for one to run off with a newsie
Jenny: surely! itâs a numbers game!
speaking of children throwing their lives away
my boy
Rachel: LOL
[mass effect 2 sovereign voice] this hurts me
Ashley: hahahahahaha
CC: lol sorry in advance jenny but: me to pen | me to colin
affectionately
Jenny: he was having a GRAND time â stressing out about art school, getting absolutely zooted with the boys
CC: so zooted
zooted out of the stratosphere
Jenny: embarrassing himself at family dinner!
Rachel: this was cuuttteeee lol
precious high man
i love a basic-ass high person
Jenny: i mean, thatâs REALLY what the country is all about
Ashley: as the resident stoner, i had the too-close-to-home reaction CC had with benedict in this scene
i was like you IDIOT now they’ll KNOW
Jenny: i am in this picture and i do not like it
Rachel: LOL
Jenny: but thatâs the beauty of the old times!!
no one knows about colinâs foreign substances
they donât have that shit here
CC: yeah what are they gonna do, make a law about it
Ashley: oop
CC: even when they finally do i bet fancy rich people can still do original recipe four loco / absinthe shots in their country mansion whenever they want ÂŻ_(ă)_/ÂŻ
Ashley: lollllllllll
CC: so do you think colin getting zooted had anything to do with his awk ex gf visit?
bc like,
lol
oof
Jenny: lol yeah speaking of horrible things that these characters do that make us hate ourselves
Rachel: i attribute that to pure dumbness
CC: colin: haha u up
Jenny: top to bottom – unbearable
CC: marina: i am literally married, do you not see this whole ass baby
also LOL
Ashley: TWO babies
Ashley: YES !!!!
CC: also this guy could be a romantic lead in any bbc masterpiece classic get it marina
Ashley: colin was big yikes but i loved that we got more time with marina, i frankly love her and she killed this scene
Jenny: WAKE UP SHEEPLE (colin)
Jenny: donât play this what if game!!
Ashley: HAHAHA yeah i get why poor marina was like “UGH” but i thought her hubs was cute
CC: âare you not happyâ âcolin i literally am the mother of two newborns i have not slept in four monthsâ
Ashley: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEPPPPP
Jenny: we did get 2 good things out of this scene though:
1)
Jenny: this clown
the only good thing he said all day
but 2)
CC: frankly he doesnât deserve either of them
Jenny: marina still considers penelope her friend and here she is! setting her girl up!
Ashley: yes!!!
also like, she’s right
only Penelope could love this absolute dingus as a full human being tbh
CC: you can lead a horse to water and put gas station weed pills in his tea but u canât make him drink
Ashley: lma
Jenny: before we really dig into the Romance
i wanted to just briefly mention a couple other side plots
pen suspects that the modiste suspects
Jenny: but luckily the modiste is –what is the meme?– content, hydrated, in her lane?
but then pen kind of bullies/capitalisms the modiste into helping her with whistledown distro
CC: ok i was wondering how this partnership is shaking down
also as wise as pen thought she was in negging the modiste slightly
CC: if the queen didnât know that whistledown was a dumb baby before
âŠ
Jenny: yeah honestly!!
that was one of my questions from last time–why did the queen think she would be a youth? why not a mom?
but this gave it away
and my other main sideplot i wanted to talk about
Jenny: âis it not odd to marry oneâs cousin?â
it is REGAL
says milf featherington
this whole bullshit thing
new lord f(uckboy) is courting cressida cowper (the pinched blonde); milf f doesnât want to answer to her, and so contrives for prudence to catch the eye of her own cousin
very boring
horrible to watch
plays out exactly as one would suspect
Rachel: terrible
Rachel: YIKES,
Ashley: sooooooooo awful!!
CC: me throughout this whole plot:
Jenny: LOL
Yes!
Ashley: LOL
Rachel: LOL
Jenny: but inevitably
Jenny: what if they had just talked to each other!??!?!?
what if he had just taken the olive branch she offered???
Ashley: tbf to milf featherington, she did try, yeah
he fully underestimated her
CC: lmao at joanne the scammer over here
Jenny: itâs true!!
and now theyâre all in the shit together
CC: lol. lmao. love it.
CC: that and also my head because I clearly wasnât thinking when i cut the scheme queen milf out of the action!!!
Ashley: truly
Jenny: CLEARLY
ok ok but i have so many screenshots of the Romance
just
i know weâre supposed to be rooting for kate-anthony
but i fully fell in love with edwina
Rachel: sheâs so nice!! she doesnât deserve to be caught between these two dummies!
Jenny: beautiful charming can do no wrong
CC: yeah agreed w both of you
she is absolutely smarter than both of them
in most ways
low perception high intelligence?? idk how d&d stats work
Ashley: low wisdom haha
CC: ooh ty, ty
Jenny: ok but when anthony chickens out of the proposal at dinnerâŠ.
first of all:
Jenny: couldnât stand that she wouldnât look at him while he did it
Ashley: everyone who MATTERS
Jenny: but also
that night, after dinner
Jenny: edwina is having a TIME
sheâs blaming herself
and sheâs never done anything wrong
not in her entire life
Ashley: she doesn’t deserve any of this!!!
Jenny: i was ready to murder him
CC: me too honestly
Jenny: i donât care if youâre in love with her sister, you marry this girl and make her happy god damn it
CC: see i genuinely hope they do that thing
where the romantic rival who was never actually gonna end up with the lead
gets written off into a b plot romance that is 1000% sweeter and more fulfilling than the turbulent main romance
she deserves a doting husband who is absolutely head over heels for her
a cheese lad of her own
Jenny: ho ho ho ho well i will not say anything
but
i am happy for her
eventually
CC: NO SPOILERS i am barely hanging on in my restraint lol
Jenny: back on track!
the morning after his failed proposal, heâs taking a walk in the garden with kate in a totally normal non-romantic way
and then!
enter:
đ
Rachel: his nemesis, or his cupid????
only time will tell!!
CC: his angle or his debil
Jenny: lol
Jenny: anyway, he has a panic attack
you know how those are actually really sexy???
not great
but they do put their faces really close together and she puts his hand on her chest
âto show that [she] was unharmed!â
not in a sexy way! she swears
CC: every time anthony looks at kate, i feel like he only has one thought in his head
CC: âboobaâ
Ashley: i mean who can blame the man
Rachel: it would be my thought too
Jenny: lol or like all those non-boob euphemisms that every 90s movie had for some reason (hocus pocus, encino man, etc)
gazongas
bazooms
Ashley: although i will say, my personal preference is for her to behead me with her jawline
Rachel: yes jesus the jawline!!
also drop the skincare routine plz
Jenny: yes!!
itâs true
CC: can this young 29 year old boy and this ageless 27 year old crone find love? only time will tell
L O L
s/o to eloise for asking kate how it feels to be a spinster
but i digress
Jenny: it was nice seeing her bond w kate though â and to actually talk to people
she really needs guidance out of these choppy teen waters
but also maybe kate is not actually very qualified to offer advice to anyone
CC: agreed
Rachel: she is definitely compromised
Jenny: incredible susceptible to romance by dare
Jenny: i didnât even want to go on this stupid hunt but then you said i couldnât so fuck you iâm coming
Ashley: HAHA
CC: oh god, and that poor maid!!!!!
unionize the bridgerton country estate
Jenny: and that, of course, is where we get this absolute CLASSIC recreation:
Jenny: you know how you recreate things you did with your dad but with the girl youâre into
you know how thatâs actually very normal
Ashley: i———
okay tbf i feel like that’s more of a cover
“oh you were turned on? totally not my intention, you see this is how my dad taught me-“
Jenny: lol ok ok i can see that
CC: i donât think heâs that smart
but thatâs just me
Ashley: LOL no true, i think you’re right
the gemini jumped out
CC: âthis feels familiar hmmm letâs just push that down and walk it offâ
was my read ha ha ha
Jenny: yes
and also later that night
they have a little dead dad bonding session
CC: in the library during a thunderstorm might i add
Jenny: she talks about how storms make her think about her dad and he admits that his dad was killed by a bee and thatâs why (implied) he freaked out earlier
and then they nearly kiss
for the millionth time
CC: i wanna just say one more thing
if anybody was gonna catch them almost smooching in their regency nighties i am glad it was her
Jenny: daphne really delivered on her threat
Rachel: karma is a bitch
good for daphne
CC: imagine having that much power over your annoying sibling
i love this for her
Jenny: the dream
Ashley: ahhhhh hahaha yes, i loved this dynamic SO much
Jenny: to go from this:
Jenny: to this:
Jenny: yes obviously i am in love! but i am GOING to marry her sister
BECAUSE I ALREADY DECIDED
i canât take in new information!!
god forbid
anyway
i am actually ready for final thoughts now
Rachel: lol ok well here is mine
Rachel: the enemies to lovers dynamic, in a screenshot
Ashley: lollllllll
CC: LOL
Ashley: THAT FACE. that’s ACTING!!!
CC: heâs really good at making Faces
this is kind of a segue, but here is my final thought
me last week, joking about the upcoming bee plotline:
CC: me this week after watching violet sob for her dead husband:
CC: sorry for making fun of your whole deal anthony!!!!
Ashley: incredible, this is art
you should apply to the royal academy
Jenny: LOL
yes
CC: only if i can get absolutely zooted first
Jenny: but speaking of violetâs dead husband
thatâs my final thought
Jenny: best role on the whole show
1 day of work and an oil painting of your face
cut the check
CC: do you get to keep the oil painting after the show ends? who else would want it right???
Jenny: i have to assume so!
bc exactly â what else are they going to do with it??
Rachel: i would demand it
Jenny: write it into my contract
Ashley: y’all that’s gotta be one of those prints with like, brushwork looking coating on it
Jenny: boooo
itâs in my contract that it has to be a real oil painting, soâŠ.
let me believe
Ashley: hahaha
CC: iâm sure that netflix has wasted more money on worse props
Ashley: oh surely
i am going to do something out of character and offer a non-shitposty final thought, which isâŠ
Ashley: hyacinth đ
Jenny: oh NO
Rachel: oh MAN
i didnât even CATCH THAT
AHHHHH
CC: WH
WAAAAAAAA
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Jenny: iâm so sad
Ashley: too much
CC: I AM HOOTING AND HOLLERING soberly
Ashley: **** sad cowboy emoji ****
Join us next time for even more love story shouting in our next Romance Roundtable! In the meantime, Monthly Ko-Fi members: head on over to Ko-Fi for just a few bonus goofs that didn’t make it into today’s roundtable, as a treat.
All images in this article via Netflixâs Bridgerton unless otherwise noted.
