Dear Depo-Provera shot,
Like all relationships, ours is a give-and-take. Well, you do all of the giving and taking. You give me a child-free life and you take away my periods. The relationship is very one-sided, but you seem to be okay with that.
My sweet Depo, I’m so lucky to have you. So many women struggle with choosing the right contraception, myself included. My experience with the pill made me very wary of any sort of hormonal birth control. But you’re different. Instead of estrogen, you use progestin which has been incredibly effective without the nasty side effects (namely skull-crushing headaches and violent mood swings). You have shown me the light. How can I ever repay you?
Before you were in my life, my menstrual cycle was an absolute mess. Every fourth Monday of the month, like clockwork, I would be writhing in pain, vomiting, suffering from migraines, battling depression, the whole shebang. You took all that away from me and gave me the promise that I also won’t get pregnant. What makes you even more perfect is that we only see each other once every three months. And it’s virtually painless every time! In the five minutes we spend together, you guarantee that for the next three months I will have no periods and no pregnancy. What more could a girl possible ask for?
(Side Note: Many ladies ask me, “Aren’t you worried you’ll get pregnant and not know because you don’t have a period?” To that I always say, “If you felt how deep the needle goes into your arm, you wouldn’t worry about it, either.”)
Oh my wonderful and reliable Depo, do you remember the first time we met? It’s truly a “how we met” story for the ages. That sweet nurse told us a funny story about the first time she administered the shot. The doctor handed her the shot, not telling her what it was, and asked her to give it to the lady in room two. Before she departed he said, “Remember, you have to get the shot deep into the muscle, otherwise she’ll get pregnant.”
Not knowing what the shot was for, the nurse blurted out, “What the hell kind of shot is this?”
I laughed so hard that all my anxiety about meeting you just melted away. Since then I’ve had no troubles with our short meetings. Any time I feel anxious, I think about that story (as well as my life with no periods and no babies), and I feel so much better.
I know our love may seem more like a love of consequence rather than a love of choice. You shouldn’t feel that way! I know the pill makes me crazy, an IUD won’t help my menstrual problems, and a tubal ligation might make my periods even worse. Despite the fact that you’re the only birth control I can take with my medical history, I would have chosen you anyway. We were meant to be.
Needless to say, Depo, my life is infinitely better now that you are a part of it. I never have to worry about my periods (and all the hassle and cost that comes along with them), and I don’t have to worry about unexpected pregnancy (because you’re over 99% effective). Not only have you made my life better, but you’ve also made Nick’s life better as well! No more tampon-and-chocolate runs for him. He appreciates that.
My dearest Depo, I promise to sing your praises for as long as I live. I will take every opportunity I can to tell the world how amazing you are.