A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: Episodes 9 & 10

WARLOCK'S RIGHTS ARE NOTHING

December 12, 2018 at 10:13 am

Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. We learned so many things this season! Friendship: stronger than Satan! Zelda: stronger than friendship! Hilda: stronger than Satan, friendship, Zelda, and pretty much everything else in this world. Join us as we wrap up The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Season 1 and try to unravel Greendale’s mysteries (but mostly just shout about Ms. Wardwell).


Rachel: so we’re here, the final episodes of the season
maybe let’s start with a recap?

Jenny: hoo boy they were a doozy
recap: resurrection never works out; friendship is stronger than satan; harvey kinkle is a sweet, sweet boy; choosing power over freedom will fix your problems and your hair

Rachel: lol absolutely

CC: all of those are words to live by

Rachel: so, sabrina’s attempt to resurrect Tommy Kinkle backfired, and Harvey had to kill him after Sabrina couldn’t get his soul back from limbo
also, she found her mom there???
and now Roz and also Susie know she’s a witch
and honestly they took it so, so well!

CC: honestly, everyone took that news far better than I expected
I like that Harvey just accepted it when she broke the news to him??
not like: you’ve gotta be kidding me; 100% like: “ok well what now”

Rachel: yeah he didn’t make her prove it!
fake witch girl

CC: UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE, SABRINA
and ur gaslighting ass
lol

Rachel: so Harvey and Sabrina are done-zo
and now the Greendale 13 are back (thanks Ms. Wardwell) and out for vengeance
on both mortals and witches alike
which like, yeah, I totally get that
Greendale folks wouldn’t be my favorite people either

CC: you know what
the greendale 13 were right; burn greendale 2 the ground lol
in all seriousness, though
I DO NOT like how behind every nigh omnipotent woman is a shadowy male figure who doesn’t really do any of the heavy lifting but gets all the respect
-the dark lord
-the crimson avenger
-blackwood literally all the dang time

Jenny: there’s this part
right after the blackwood’s babies are born
where he’s holding his son, in a room full of dudes, and he says
“The Church of Night is ours, boys.”

Rachel: if the Sabrina writers are stealing our Warlock Rights Activists pitch, I’ll be both mad and thrilled

Jenny: LOL
yes
mostly mad
but still
so much about this show is just: look at just how shitty men can be

CC: WARLOCK’S RIGHTS ARE NOTHING

Jenny: that’s true
but also men’s rights are nothing
ex:

Jenny: no one should have rights after they pull this shit
I am firmly on team “literally eat him, Madame Satan”

Rachel: yupppp
oh so
how do we feel about Ms. Wardwell literally being Lilith??
what a deviation from the comics

CC: what is her deal in the comics??

Jenny: i’m into it; but i also made it way farther into the show, Supernatural, than anyone who would give a shit about hokey catholic mythology
idk if they ever actually say “lilith” in the comics, but it’s kind of the same deal
satan’s handmaiden, yada yada

Rachel: well in the comics, she’s just Edward Spellman’s ex
a witch that he spurns for Sabrina’s mom
she gets real mad and kills herself, which sends her to hell (thanks Catholicism)

Jenny: i mean, she’s definitely that, but she’s also madam satan
that’s 100% where they got that name

Rachel: oh yeah def
but she’s not like, literally Lilith
she’s just a witch who takes up a portmanteau because she gets cozy with the devil
not literally the first woman, who defied Adam and also God

CC: well
I feel like there are even more men she could be defying, if I’m being completely honest, starting with the dark lord lol
genuinely POed at her for choking out her birb just for giving her the real talk

Jenny: honestly

Rachel: YEAH FOR REAL

CC: TELLING U WHEN UR SHITTY DARK LORD BOYFRIEND IS GONNA BETRAY YOU is the meaning of friendship

Rachel: but! now we know that familiars CAN talk!

CC: salem’s just Rude lol

Rachel: lol love him for it

CC: so, there are a few mysteries that these past two episodes have teased out & I wanna talk about em
mystery #1 being:

CC: WHAT IS HIS DEAL

Rachel: ulterior motives much??

CC: “i just wanna learn how 2 love” is like, one of the top 10 plays in the trashboy playlist

Jenny: for sure i think he’s just garbage
i mean, yes. he’s all: warlocks cannot feel love, but then luke is out here all, “i love you, ambrose” (lbr who wouldn’t)

CC: I DON’T TRUST LUKE EITHER

Rachel: i still think he killed his ex’s familiar >_>

Jenny: oh same though

CC: I think Luke brought Ambrose to the church on Blackwell’s orders and he’s distracting him with that love confession to knock him off guard

Jenny: oooh good point; v calculated

Rachel: also what HAPPENED to that witch boy that was murdered????
like, that storyline 100% got dropped

Jenny: lololol well they are still the riverdale writers after all
but would love to see that come back around in april

CC: ok but!
coming back to it
what do yall think is up with babby polyamory warlock
uh, nick
w/e
do you think he actually is just the writers trying to make him a plausible option for a love triangle?? or that he’s working for madam satan??

Jenny: i honestly think he’s just some fuckboy; that said, it feels more likely that they intend him to be a love interest than that they have any non-sexy machinations planned for him
like
this interaction was obnoxious

CC: “WHAT KIND OF FRIEND”

Jenny: but it ended w him encouraging harvey to forgive

CC: a more generous move than I was expecting from nick, honestly

Jenny: def; which suggests, to me, that he’s not in cahoots w ms wardwell
which, like
his loss
amirite ladies

Rachel: I think he’s after some thing that Edward Spellman left behind
some mystery or legacy we haven’t been told about yet
but since he’s a Spellman stan, that’s what i think his goal is

Jenny: i’d buy that
i think that knowing they have 2 seasons to work with is probably good for these writers; like, they kind of HAVE to plan arcs that tie back to the first season
unlike, say
that garbage show we’ve all watched too much of
(riverdale; i’m talking about riverdale)

CC: so jenny
that screenshot you just posted brings me back to mystery #2

CC: did the dark lord give madam satan the power of #looks in exchange for whatever she traded for her sol
soul
in some type of two for one deal
or What

Jenny: i honestly think that’s just a signing bonus
(get it??)
but def sabrina’s look game elevated after she signed
and i think it’s safe to assume that’s just part of the package
like, prudence is straight up ~*~supernaturally~*~ put together

CC: true
I was surprised sabrina actually signed tbh
after that 30 year long montage
usually the sign of a last minute change of heart

Jenny: def
the first time i watched it, i was, like, V CONVINCED she was just going to write in, like “Farts McCool”

CC: LOL

Rachel: or like, is crossing her fingers behind her back
JK, DARK LORD

CC: I was signing with my left hand!

Jenny: no magic is older or stronger than crossing your fingers behind your back

Rachel: so true

Jenny: speaking of looks
i do want to point out a nice detail that i found really endearing

Jenny: Roz’s binder says “Too Cool 4 School”
like, in marker
that’s v sweet
these are good kids!
so young!

Rachel: aww protect her!!
man it took me a sec to realize she was seeing gross-witch-Sabrina in her vision tho
i had to rewind and try again

Jenny: oh yeah — that part was very much like the comics
like, there’s that panel, where sabrina sees past her aunts’ glamours

Rachel: yeah def! that was a nice touch

CC: crazy
ok so
I hope I am not pushing along too much, but this sorta meanderingly brings me to point #3

Jenny: go for it

CC: what is the deal with sabrina’s parents????????????
zelda says that they are going to protect the town and do the right thing, like edward would do???
but I think the series has already cast enough doubt about whether or not edward was actually a good dude or what

Jenny: yeah man idk — i think a lot of these final eps was setting stuff up for season 2, when we find out that her dad actually kind of sucks, when we find out how her parents really got killed (like, the mom is in purgatory w tommy; two people killed before their time), and when we get some answers about everyone’s favorite weatherman (!!!important2me!!!!)

Rachel: OH YES

Rachel: can we talk about this????

CC: I hope he’s a werewolf

Jenny: demon eyes still looking fine
i hope he’s a werewolf too

Rachel: if he burns hilda, there will be hellfire to pay

Jenny: truly
but also

Jenny: i am v charmed by this
and i hope he’s as good as he seems

CC: I hope he’s like “THIS SWEET LADY IS TOO IMPORTANT TO ME I am afraid to tell her my seeecret” and then she’s like “oh I’m a witch” and he’s like “PHEW what a relief let’s be happy forever as we both have supernatural abilities”
and that’s how the season ends
pay me netflix

Jenny: HIRE HER
i NEED THAT SO BAD

Rachel: saaame

CC: if anybody in this satan forsaken show deserves a happy ending
ffs

Jenny: hilda is a precious gift
and she really shone in these eps
like
she’s exactly what a witch should be

Rachel: headology!

Jenny: !!! YES !!!
and also

Jenny: this is the kind of shit that got me so into this nonsense to begin with!!
I LOVE IT!!

CC: this is the kind of witchin’ I signed up for

Jenny: 💯💯💯

CC: Also tho
Zelda really just killed it in these episodes

Jenny: it’s true

CC: in a way that I thought might have felt
a little out of character??? growing a conscious so quickly??? (lol)
I didn’t really get what changed her mind and led her to protect the town

Jenny: i mean, i think she’s always been more sympathetic towards mortals
but i also think Dr. C had a big impact
like, the second half of this season for her is more about exerting some independence and venturing out into the world, but bc she’s been excommunicated, that means that the world she’s venturing out into is the mortal world
i think she really does love having this job
and i think there’s textual evidence for that

CC: oh no I mean Zelda! I mean, def Hilda also, but she def seemed more likely to intercede than zelda, so I was surprised when she said they were staying put

Jenny: oh my b my b

CC: no prob I think those are good points about hilda tho!
I like how she’s been growing in confidence and I am excited for her to have a room of her own

Jenny: same!
i just can’t shut up about hilda and her journey, i guess! I love her!
but zelda
i mean

Jenny: she’s dealing w a lot of bullshit
that i think is strengthening her ties to the church of night

Jenny: but even after that “don’t come crying” confrontation w sabrina, i think sabrina will always come first (which is why zelda was there when sabrina eventually came crying)
i think, like in the feast of feasts ep, zelda will do anything to protect sabrina
and if this is what sabrina is doing, zelda needs to be there to make sure she doesn’t fuck it up and hurt herself
(see also the exorcism ep)

Rachel: i was a little surprised at Zelda’s Big Move at the end of the season
taking Blackwood’s first born
I was a bit surprised because I didn’t where Blackwood was hinting that he’d kill the child if it was a girl

Jenny: yeah i get that
idk that they really did all they could to make that clear
def blackwood was v into the idea of twin boys, and def his reaction to having a son was a real slap in the face to prudence, but idk if these writers did all the could in terms of laying the groundwork

CC: I love that zelda knew exactly which gross lie that doofus would eat up

Jenny: lol yes

Rachel: i’m curious has she’s gonna pass this off next season
I just…. found this witch baby…….
gonna raise it…..

Jenny: oh yeah
that’s a great point

Rachel: i wonder what they’ll NAME her tho!! i’m excited!!

Jenny: !!! same !!!
that hail judas, hail satan scene was right out of rosemary’s baby, and i want an alternative to that

CC: I wonder how they’re gonna explain this away lol
but also
yeah
what an uncomfortable ass scene
and also: I’m interested to see how this baby will impact hilda and zelda’s relationship
one thing I think this season did well, that I don’t think riverdale has EVER accomplished is a slow character development buildup
where zelda is realizing more and more how much she depends on hilda, whereas hilda is becoming more and more comfortable establishing a separate identity

Rachel: yeah that’s been really interesting to watch!
i’m also interested in how Sabrina is gonna react to this baby
Ambrose too I think

CC: I wonder what the main conflict next season is going to be

Rachel: my vote is for WRA
or, that’s what I predict rather

Jenny: LOL. i hope it’s a “solve my parent’s murder” arc
OR
i hope it picks back up on mrs. wardwell’s evil book club
bc i think they laid some groundwork for that

Rachel: DANG I also wanna know what the deal is with DOROTHEA

Jenny: i still think she’s maybe an agent of madam satan
i’m not ready to trust her yet
but yeah, would love to know her deal

CC: I saw that even more this ep, jenny
the madam satan connection w dorothea

Rachel: ohhh how so??

CC: just…..convenient timing???
but maybe that’s just how ghosts are
It ALSO could be that she seemed more sinister to me now that I’m thinking about it as a possibility lol

Rachel: haha fair!
y’all ready for final thoughts?

Jenny: sure thing!

CC: yeah! I’m good too!

Rachel: so my final thought is that if Sabrina’s #looks changed after her signing of the book, did everybody’s looks change???
basically, is Prudence’s extremely good ‘do a result of her signing the book?
i mean i’m sure it was good before but
i want some before and after pics of all our faves

CC: omg that has never occured to me
suddenly a lot more tempted
satan please deliver resting bitch face onto me at long last

Jenny: i honestly think it’s like in twilight, where, after you turn into a vampire, you get Super Hot
like, definitely agatha, if not prudence, was kind of a nerd and now she’s here

Rachel: the devil “she’s all that”-ed her
made a bet that he could turn this nerd in a super hot Babe

CC: is that
all the devil is???

Rachel: yes the devil is Freddy Prinze Jr
sorry, everyone
i ruined FPJ

Jenny: oh no!!

CC: i see it

Rachel: LOL

CC: ANYWAY
I have 2 final thoughts real quick
1 – please satan do not let sabrina and nick hook up, i don’t care if he turns out to be a mostly decent dude he just grosses me out lol
2 – somebody tell father blackwood to get his nasty long fingernails away from that baby’s face
so nasty

Jenny: HONESTLY

CC: i don’t have a screenshot bc i was too grossed out to take one and I love & respect our readers lol

Jenny: fair
i want to end on a positive note
so my final thought
is that harvey kinkle is really just a good, sweet boy

CC: ugh, truly he is

CC: :’O

Rachel: awww harvey!!!!!

Jenny: he could never hate you!

CC: the high school boyfriend everyone deserved but most of us didn’t have

Jenny: he noticed when you changed your hair!
he trusts implicitly that you are smarter than him!

CC: p r o t e c t h i m

Jenny: the goodest boy

Rachel: i love him
he better not come to any harm in season 2
i’m warning you, riverdale writers!!!!

CC: season 2: harvey gets in on the ground floor of greendale’s first for profit prison JUST KIDDING HE’D NEVER DO THAT BLESSED BE & GOODNIGHT
ANYWAY see y’all for season 2 of sabrina! We’ll be over here waiting impatiently in the meantime


In the mood for even more Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Hot Takes? Head on over to our Patreon and check out some extra content we couldn’t fit into this post. See y’all back here next week for even more Sabrina-themed hexin’, cursin’, and cussin’.

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.