Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. Warlocks are still cancelled this week, but you know what’s not cancelled? The Dark Lord’s rando art installations. Enjoy some Sabrina commentary, complete with 90s Salem puppet gifs and medieval woodcuts — two of our favorite things!
CC: what an episode of sabrina!! everything truly does happen so much; the horse really was right on that one
Jenny: so wise
right out of the gate
Jenny: we get it
you can dial it back
Jenny: is this how the young people talk??
Rachel: i thought the youths only talked through TicTok
CC: i thought that was YikYak????
Jenny: is that like vine?
CC: LOL YikYak shut down in 2017 I am officially an Old
i don’t know what apps are
don’t even have snapchat on my phone
how am I supposed to facilitate the co-mingling of humans and mortals without an app????
Jenny: if it makes you feel any better — hilda proved last ep that witches don’t use phones, so…
Jenny: lots of things are just not for witches
rainy days spent outside, for one
let’s just build a fort in the living room, she says
how do you say no to that sabrina??
CC: maybe she really is evil – to say no to that
Jenny: this is why i can’t get behind this protagonist
CC: but also, re: the rainy weather
accident, or subtle nod to:
Jenny: oh that makes sense
i choose to believe it
CC: I mean OBVZ they don’t melt in Weather but still
Rachel: maybe it depends on how satanic they’ve been recently
a direct satanic to melting ratio
ok but!! let’s start with a recap
Jenny: oh god yeah
CC: ok yeah so the witches are all collectively wilding out about Sabrina being the dark lord’s sword
and then sabrina goes real church camp at school
and the council chastises blackwood for being a petty ass about an actual child being rude to him and ends up getting fired from being the negapope
also wardwell builds a boy
that was SO MUCH
Rachel: i hATED
nothing has spooked me that bad about this show for a while!
Jenny: she made him from her rib, rachel
Jenny: i know
CC: i think it was a lot of things but mostly the floursack face
that spooked me the most
Jenny: oh yeah v batman begins
CC: i did not take a screenshot bc i did not want that cursed image on my desktop (and also I moved too slow to take it)
Jenny: i did take a picture but i’m not willing to inflict in on our readers tbh
if you want to look it up, go ahead, but we will be sparing your eyes while you’re here
Rachel: I am wondering if the original Adam actor is under there
like, I hope it is, even if we never see it
Jenny: that sounds fun actually
CC: HOLY CRAP YALL
ADAM WAS WESTLEY FROM BUFFY/ANGEL?????
good for u bud
Jenny: the adults on this show, man
a weird combination of people
(i’m talking specifically…
…about this asshole)
Rachel: LOL JEFFREYYYYY
CC: so, speaking of gross things
and also this guy
do y’all want to talk about whatever wackadoodle spell he had zelda under????
Jenny: god this stepford bullshit
Rachel: it was so painful to watch zelda be like that
i don’t even know
i loved it
whispers: some squeezed lime
CC: ok so
push up yr glasses like gendo ikari bc I’ve got some analysis for y’all and i wanna know what you think
Rachel: hit us with it, cc
CC: hades and persephone imagery????????
i mean obviously: dark colors vs spring palette / florals
but also, following a cursed douche into darkness / staying with him part of the time and with your loving family the other part of the time????
like, I see that zelda’s outfit is v stepford wives but I thought the color and print contrast was interesting
Jenny: i’m v into it tbh
CC: look honestly that’s all I’ve got there but it’s my best theory
that these were intentional Looks
Jenny: god we can hope
Rachel: i really dig that insight actually!!
CC: after seeing zelda juice that rat i am just trying to shift my focus onto other scenes LOL
those were really Some Sound Effects
Jenny: god dammit yeah
Jenny: ^^ the sound editing ^^
CC: that is a great sound effect, and also a great tl;dr on some of these plot points
Jenny: lol v true
there was a lot of harv/sabrina teasing in this ep and i Did Not Appreciate It
CC: also: “you heard that????” to nick, who was v much there within hearing distance
Jenny: yeah; and he was so sad! broke my heart a little bit
Rachel: nick deserves better than this
i have gone on record that sabrina is not as into this nick relationship as nick is, and i stand by that
this episode really drives that home for me!
even though i guess they have their moment or whatever where they talk through it
it just didn’t feel earned so i still am where I was re: sabrina’s commitment
it is a little hard to watch
CC: yeah even i, noted nick critic (ni….tick???) (nvm that is Bad) will say I think he deserves better
tired: harvey and sabrina
wired: nick and sabrina
inspired: prudence and sabrina?????
just something to think about
Jenny: a GREAT POINT
Jenny: speaking of otps though
Jenny: hilda talking about dr c
“not dissimilar to you and harvey, by the way”
her romance should get all of the screentime given to “if you ever really loved me, you’ll come down right now”
i’m S i c k o f I t
give me hilda/cerberus
the whole show
CC: this love triangle is not compelling and i’d rather see both harvey and sabrina just move on
i just would rather see hilda and dr c, or even just ros and harvey falling for each other more directly!!
there is v little happiness to be found in greendale!!!
Jenny: yes!! would love to see a little more romance!!
Rachel: yeah and less fucking tired ass will-they-won’t-they-ex-partner drama
i will say
this is maybe not romance
but it’s not NOT romance
Jenny: there was a moment
between ambrose and prudence
i thought it was nice and also that ambrose’s actor did a good job w this scene
Rachel: i love ambrose and i only want the best for him
i was v concerned he wasn’t gonna survive his wounds, which would have made me real upset with this show
i mean i know i don’t have any ownership of this as a viewer and etc etc
but i would have been v bummed
CC: yeah i was worried they’d do our boy that way and was relieved they didn’t!!!
Jenny: v same
his not-dying gave me a GREAT new reaction image
Jenny: mrw my beheading is derailed by my cool aunts’ machinations
CC: that was a nanami facial expression if i’ve ever seen one
Jenny: is this anime??
she summoned a flurry of rose petals!?!?
CC: honestly the only thing I’d do if I had magical powers
yall would frankly be so sick of it tbh
but important to remember:
CC: is there a price too high to summon shoujo effects irl????
Jenny: asking the real questions
Rachel: ok what are y’alls thoughts on this crazy sabrina macaroni collage they found in the mines?
too extra??? or not extra ENOUGH
Jenny: oh YOU MEAN
CC: cursed be
Jenny: i was honestly surprised they didn’t have a mosaic black headband on underneath that mosaic crown of thorns
CC: i love the weird 16th century neck ruff
Jenny: yeah these prophetic tileworkers missed the fashion trends by just a bit
CC: ok but jenny they did figure out flower crowns
Rachel: i wanna know who made this
was it the dark lord himself?? was this his arts and crafts project?
i really hope so
i really really do
Jenny: lol same i choose to believe that you’re right on the money
Rachel: just when he really needed to take his mind of things
CC: not as good as harv’s sketch tho
Jenny: lol god damn, you mean his x-men fan art
CC: not to be rude but the dark lord’s macaroni art gave sabrina a real round head; i mean dark lord, chins are a thing
Jenny: don’t be afraid to use references, dark lord
Rachel: that was just a design feature of god’s that satan never liked
he chooses to ignore them
this is his chinless AU
CC: feature not a bug
so, can we talk about
sabrina’s crazy church kid party???
sabrina’s theological bent in this episode????
CC: is it realistic or not for sabrina to believe her new powers are truly a free for all black friday sale on magical consequences????
Jenny: i mean, she is a dumb teen
p sure all teens think that their actions have no consequences
Jenny: but also
it is a lot though
CC: gOoOodDddDdd wHaTttTt a mAaAaRy sUuUuUue
CC: all these OCs are the same
getting stabbed by the arrows of heaven
capturing the love of a dark and evil goat prince
so sick of these tropes
Jenny: lolololololol i mean this is just a rip off of the biggest mary sue of all
(jesus — it’s jesus)
is that a bridge too far?
CC: ya i mean that sounds right too lol
i will say
op oc or no
Jenny: just about anything is worth it if it gets us to this moment
this practical magic homage
CC: that’s a great big moon
love a bigass moon
no pun intended
Jenny: girl same
Rachel: the art direction on this shot was v good
CC: i could even see the cgi steam that sabrina’s fake dark lord was breathin out his goaty snoot
they really were trying to use some of those effects dollars this ep!
Rachel: they were saving them up for this
Jenny: lol for real
saving them up for this and also for their lawsuits against the actual church of satan and maybe whoever owns x-men now??
did marvel buy them back?
CC: maybe it’s like that riverdale episode that was basically a trailer for that sincerely, evan movie or w/e
GOD i am an out of touch crone
Jenny: oh that’s a great point actually
love evan hansen?
is that it?
CC: yes!!!! i guess there’s also a book called dear evan?? this isn’t important i’m sorry
not like sincerely harriet, which is a comic and was fantastic
WAS VERY GOOD
CC: can vouch for it; did hear about it; did not make me feel like withered old husk
Rachel: y’all wanna do final thoughts?
Jenny: my final thought, going off of this Sincerely, Harriet plug
Jenny: buy eternal witchcraft
a comics spellbook
a comic book that teaches you how to do spells
Rachel: you can find it at CAKE this weekend ✨
Jenny: THAT’S TRUE
also this scene was good actually
i enjoyed it
Jenny: this got an honest lol out of me
CC: jenny she can hear you
she knows about us cackling about witch/angel school sports anime
hire us netflix
we know y’all make anime now
CC: i have two final thoughts
my first is that maybe we all just need to brace for “sabrina is like unto a god” to be the next hip teen meme, bc it’s DEFINITELY catching on
my second thought is
sabrina to blackwood after he gets fired by the council:
ok so my final thought is — if the devil is real into arts and crafts
i’m wondering what other shit he’s done
and here’s my hypothesis — the og woodcuts hobbyist
CC: tl;dr THIS SHOW
Rachel: all these satanic woodcuts are just his autobio comics
Rachel: that’s my theory, your move, CW
CC: u r a genuis
Rachel: oh wait here’s another good one
this is also this show in a nutshell
CC: now THAT’s what i call unholy inspiration
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