A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: Season 2, Episode 7

The Dark Lord's Macaroni Art

May 29, 2019 at 9:52 am

Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. Warlocks are still cancelled this week, but you know what’s not cancelled? The Dark Lord’s rando art installations. Enjoy some Sabrina commentary, complete with 90s Salem puppet gifs and medieval woodcuts — two of our favorite things!


CC: what an episode of sabrina!! everything truly does happen so much; the horse really was right on that one

Jenny: so wise
this was
so much
like
right out of the gate

Jenny: we get it
you can dial it back

Jenny: is this how the young people talk??

Rachel: i thought the youths only talked through TicTok

CC: i thought that was YikYak????

Jenny: is that like vine?

CC: LOL YikYak shut down in 2017 I am officially an Old
i don’t know what apps are
don’t even have snapchat on my phone
how am I supposed to facilitate the co-mingling of humans and mortals without an app????

Jenny: if it makes you feel any better — hilda proved last ep that witches don’t use phones, so…

Jenny: lots of things are just not for witches
rainy days spent outside, for one
let’s just build a fort in the living room, she says
how do you say no to that sabrina??

CC: maybe she really is evil – to say no to that

Jenny: this is why i can’t get behind this protagonist
lol

CC: but also, re: the rainy weather
accident, or subtle nod to:
???????

Jenny: oh that makes sense
i choose to believe it

CC: I mean OBVZ they don’t melt in Weather but still

Rachel: maybe it depends on how satanic they’ve been recently
a direct satanic to melting ratio
ok but!! let’s start with a recap

Jenny: oh god yeah

CC: ok yeah so the witches are all collectively wilding out about Sabrina being the dark lord’s sword
and then sabrina goes real church camp at school
and the council chastises blackwood for being a petty ass about an actual child being rude to him and ends up getting fired from being the negapope
also wardwell builds a boy

Jenny: GOD
i SCREAMED
that was SO MUCH
SO MUCH!!

Rachel: i hATED
new adam!!!!
nothing has spooked me that bad about this show for a while!

Jenny: she made him from her rib, rachel

Rachel: AHHHH

Jenny: i know
i know

CC: i think it was a lot of things but mostly the floursack face
that spooked me the most

Jenny: oh yeah v batman begins

CC: i did not take a screenshot bc i did not want that cursed image on my desktop (and also I moved too slow to take it)

Jenny: i did take a picture but i’m not willing to inflict in on our readers tbh
if you want to look it up, go ahead, but we will be sparing your eyes while you’re here
safe space

Rachel: I am wondering if the original Adam actor is under there
like, I hope it is, even if we never see it

Jenny: that sounds fun actually

CC: HOLY CRAP YALL
ADAM WAS WESTLEY FROM BUFFY/ANGEL?????
good for u bud

Jenny: the adults on this show, man
a weird combination of people
(i’m talking specifically…
…about this asshole)

CC: LOL

Rachel: LOL JEFFREYYYYY

CC: so, speaking of gross things
and also this guy
do y’all want to talk about whatever wackadoodle spell he had zelda under????
the
cal……i…mari……..????? spell???

Jenny: god this stepford bullshit

Rachel: it was so painful to watch zelda be like that

Jenny: true
but also
this was
i don’t even know
i loved it
whispers: some squeezed lime

CC: ok so
push up yr glasses like gendo ikari bc I’ve got some analysis for y’all and i wanna know what you think

Rachel: hit us with it, cc

CC: hades and persephone imagery????????
i mean obviously: dark colors vs spring palette / florals
but also, following a cursed douche into darkness / staying with him part of the time and with your loving family the other part of the time????
like, I see that zelda’s outfit is v stepford wives but I thought the color and print contrast was interesting

Jenny: i’m v into it tbh

CC: look honestly that’s all I’ve got there but it’s my best theory
that these were intentional Looks

Jenny: god we can hope

Rachel: i really dig that insight actually!!

CC: after seeing zelda juice that rat i am just trying to shift my focus onto other scenes LOL
those were really Some Sound Effects

Jenny: god dammit yeah

Jenny: ^^ the sound editing ^^

CC: that is a great sound effect, and also a great tl;dr on some of these plot points

Jenny: lol v true
there was a lot of harv/sabrina teasing in this ep and i Did Not Appreciate It

Jenny: horrible

CC: also: “you heard that????” to nick, who was v much there within hearing distance

Jenny: yeah; and he was so sad! broke my heart a little bit

Rachel: nick deserves better than this
i have gone on record that sabrina is not as into this nick relationship as nick is, and i stand by that
this episode really drives that home for me!
even though i guess they have their moment or whatever where they talk through it
it just didn’t feel earned so i still am where I was re: sabrina’s commitment

Jenny: agreed!
it is a little hard to watch

CC: yeah even i, noted nick critic (ni….tick???) (nvm that is Bad) will say I think he deserves better
tired: harvey and sabrina
wired: nick and sabrina
inspired: prudence and sabrina?????
just something to think about

Jenny: a GREAT POINT

Rachel: yessss

Jenny: speaking of otps though

Jenny: hilda talking about dr c
v sweet
“not dissimilar to you and harvey, by the way”
she’s right!
her romance should get all of the screentime given to “if you ever really loved me, you’ll come down right now”
i’m S i c k o f I t
give me hilda/cerberus
the whole show

CC: this love triangle is not compelling and i’d rather see both harvey and sabrina just move on
i just would rather see hilda and dr c, or even just ros and harvey falling for each other more directly!!
there is v little happiness to be found in greendale!!!

Jenny: yes!! would love to see a little more romance!!

Rachel: yeah and less fucking tired ass will-they-won’t-they-ex-partner drama

Jenny: YES
i will say
this is maybe not romance
but it’s not NOT romance

Jenny: there was a moment
between ambrose and prudence
i thought it was nice and also that ambrose’s actor did a good job w this scene

Rachel: i love ambrose and i only want the best for him
i was v concerned he wasn’t gonna survive his wounds, which would have made me real upset with this show
i mean i know i don’t have any ownership of this as a viewer and etc etc
but i would have been v bummed

CC: yeah i was worried they’d do our boy that way and was relieved they didn’t!!!

Jenny: v same
also
his not-dying gave me a GREAT new reaction image

Jenny: mrw my beheading is derailed by my cool aunts’ machinations

CC: that was a nanami facial expression if i’ve ever seen one

Jenny: lolololololololol
SPEAKING OF

Jenny: is this anime??
she summoned a flurry of rose petals!?!?
iconic!!

CC: honestly the only thing I’d do if I had magical powers
yall would frankly be so sick of it tbh

Jenny: LOL
but important to remember:

CC: is there a price too high to summon shoujo effects irl????

Jenny: asking the real questions

Rachel: ok what are y’alls thoughts on this crazy sabrina macaroni collage they found in the mines?
too extra??? or not extra ENOUGH

Jenny: oh YOU MEAN

CC: cursed be

Jenny: i was honestly surprised they didn’t have a mosaic black headband on underneath that mosaic crown of thorns

CC: i love the weird 16th century neck ruff

Jenny: yeah these prophetic tileworkers missed the fashion trends by just a bit

CC: ok but jenny they did figure out flower crowns

Rachel: i wanna know who made this
was it the dark lord himself?? was this his arts and crafts project?

CC: rachel
i really hope so
i really really do

Jenny: lol same i choose to believe that you’re right on the money

Rachel: just when he really needed to take his mind of things
and relaxxxxxx

CC: not as good as harv’s sketch tho

Jenny: lol god damn, you mean his x-men fan art

CC: not to be rude but the dark lord’s macaroni art gave sabrina a real round head; i mean dark lord, chins are a thing

Jenny: don’t be afraid to use references, dark lord

Rachel: that was just a design feature of god’s that satan never liked
he chooses to ignore them
this is his chinless AU

Jenny: LOLOL

CC: feature not a bug
so, can we talk about
sabrina’s crazy church kid party???
or even
sabrina’s theological bent in this episode????

CC: is it realistic or not for sabrina to believe her new powers are truly a free for all black friday sale on magical consequences????

Jenny: i mean, she is a dumb teen
p sure all teens think that their actions have no consequences

CC: fair

Jenny: but also
it is a lot though

CC: gOoOodDddDdd wHaTttTt a mAaAaRy sUuUuUue

Jenny: ughughughughughughugh

CC: all these OCs are the same
getting stabbed by the arrows of heaven
capturing the love of a dark and evil goat prince
so sick of these tropes
(lol)

Jenny: lolololololol i mean this is just a rip off of the biggest mary sue of all
(jesus — it’s jesus)
is that a bridge too far?

CC: ya i mean that sounds right too lol

Jenny: idk
i will say
op oc or no

Jenny: just about anything is worth it if it gets us to this moment
this practical magic homage

CC: that’s a great big moon
love a bigass moon
no pun intended

Jenny: girl same

Rachel: the art direction on this shot was v good

CC: i could even see the cgi steam that sabrina’s fake dark lord was breathin out his goaty snoot
they really were trying to use some of those effects dollars this ep!

Rachel: they were saving them up for this

Jenny: lol for real
saving them up for this and also for their lawsuits against the actual church of satan and maybe whoever owns x-men now??
sony?
did marvel buy them back?

CC: maybe it’s like that riverdale episode that was basically a trailer for that sincerely, evan movie or w/e
sincerely me???
GOD i am an out of touch crone

Jenny: oh that’s a great point actually
love evan hansen?
i thought
is that it?

CC: yes!!!! i guess there’s also a book called dear evan?? this isn’t important i’m sorry
not like sincerely harriet, which is a comic and was fantastic

Jenny: YES
WAS VERY GOOD

CC: can vouch for it; did hear about it; did not make me feel like withered old husk

Rachel: y’all wanna do final thoughts?

Jenny: yes

CC: yes

Jenny: my final thought, going off of this Sincerely, Harriet plug

Jenny: buy eternal witchcraft
a comics spellbook
a comic book that teaches you how to do spells

Rachel: you can find it at CAKE this weekend ✨

Jenny: THAT’S TRUE
also this scene was good actually
i enjoyed it

Jenny: this got an honest lol out of me

CC: jenny she can hear you
she knows about us cackling about witch/angel school sports anime

Jenny: lolololololololol
hire us netflix
we know y’all make anime now

CC: i have two final thoughts
my first is that maybe we all just need to brace for “sabrina is like unto a god” to be the next hip teen meme, bc it’s DEFINITELY catching on
my second thought is
sabrina to blackwood after he gets fired by the council:

Rachel: LOL

Jenny: OMG

Rachel: amazing
ok so my final thought is — if the devil is real into arts and crafts
i’m wondering what other shit he’s done
and here’s my hypothesis — the og woodcuts hobbyist

CC: fffffffUUUUUUU

Rachel: LOL

Jenny: YES
BRAND SYNERGY
YESYESYESYES

CC: tl;dr THIS SHOW

Rachel: all these satanic woodcuts are just his autobio comics

Jenny: omgomgomg

Rachel: that’s my theory, your move, CW
err, Netflix

CC: u r a genuis
ngl

Rachel: oh wait here’s another good one
this is also this show in a nutshell

CC: now THAT’s what i call unholy inspiration


In the mood for even more Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Hot Takes? Head on over to our Patreon and check out some extra content we couldn’t fit into this post. See y’all back here next week for even more Sabrina-themed hexin’, cursin’, and cussin’.

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.