A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: Season 2, Episode 9

"More female characters should be birthed fully formed from the earth, honestly"

June 12, 2019 at 9:00 am

Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. Get behind us, Satan: we’re only here for #crone #matriarchy and that sweet Freddie Prinze Jr.-adjacent content. Thanks for joining us on this season’s chilling witchy adventures! With that in mind, welcome to our final Sabrina Season 2 Roundtable (praise Lilith).

Jenny: this is it
the finale
of season 2 (officially i’ve heard that it’s been renewed for another 2 seasons)
i like to think that netflix knows that RAC is not great w continuity, so they’re going for 2 seasons at a time to give him/these writers more space to figure things out

Rachel: oh wow
i figured there would be a season 3
ok so, i have to say — i did not like this finale

Jenny: FAIR
it was a lot
both too neat and too messy at the same time

FAIR
it was a lot
both too neat and too messy at the same time

Rachel: anytime a show references the Internet, I’m immediately off board
“not today satan”

Jenny: oh you mean

Rachel: GODDD

Jenny: kill me

CC: not today, satan, I say to this show

Rachel: like, I’m glad you’ve been on tumblr dot com, the writers
but this is bad

CC:

CC: me @ every plot revelation this ep
..
…..
heh
“revelation”

Jenny: LOL
specifically for me
i think
this is really what set me off

Jenny: like
really??
this fucking coward

CC: i mean like even on a superficial level
why does it need to be both unholy and infernal

Jenny: a great point

Rachel: i mean, it was so so shitty, but i think it aligned with his character
which is so, so shitty
it made me so mad that he made prudence a part of it though
another classic Blackwood move

Jenny: certainly i can’t argue against that
i was pleased to see that this was also what really set prudence off

Jenny: like, incestuous betrothals is right on the line, but jonestown is over it
honestly this is the season 3 plot setup i’m most excited for
but maybe we should do a summary?

Rachel: good idea

Jenny: satan comes to earth and oh no he’s hot??

Rachel: LOL
love Dorian trying to hit that before he realizes

Jenny: same

CC: well, I guess I should have figured this was coming
def a glow-up from the goat head

Jenny: truly

Rachel: ok so the big reveal is that — Satan is actually Sabrina’s dad
which, ok, so, this is the thing that set me off
y’all remember when they rebooted the DC universe and we were all excited about the new Wonder Woman take??
and then they did this thing where it turned out that Wonder Woman wasn’t actually made of clay, she was actually Zeus’s daughter??
and we were all pissed?????
why have they not LEARNED
why are we doing this AGAIN

CC: more female characters should be birthed fully formed from the earth,
honestly

Jenny: that’s the truest thing i’ve ever heard

Rachel: look if that had been the actual plot twist, i would have been so on board
but no, it’s sort of implied that Satan raped Sabrina’s mom???????
or…. something??????
it is unclear and gross

Jenny: i mean, i think yes that’s what happened, but in a very rosemary’s baby kind of way
where, like, edward spellman drugs diana and then satan shows up
but also idk
hilda talked about how they wanted a baby
and maybe she was on board w whatever way to get there?
idk idk
it’s all bad

Rachel: well yeah they say that “satan granted them a child” or w/e
but then Diana fears it’s not Edward’s child

Jenny: yeah i feel like she would know for sure one way or the other

Rachel: and look, this is real serious territory that i feel like these writers are just blindly stumbling around in

Jenny: oh agreed

CC: i mean: couldn’t even trust em with copyright law, so this is
way out of their lane

Jenny: lol

CC: also
nothing in this show
not the adam meat sack
not blackwood’s fingernails
NOTHING
has skeeved me out as much as this sequence

CC: as glad as I was for sabrina to be her own yondu
later in the ep

CC: nothing could redeem any part of this plot point!!! nothing!!! not one second of it!!!!
thanks!!!! i hate it!!!!! so much!!!!!!!

Rachel: yeah! it was too much!!
also
Nick
😢

Jenny: the dark lord

CC:

Rachel: LOL CC THAT’S WHAT I WAS THINKING TOO

CC: OF COURSE HE DID
lol u 90s teen movie bf
honestly: in that moment, I liked him even more
because anyone who channels my boy Freddie is ok in my book

Jenny: yeah i def feel like this was supposed to be some big betrayal but we all knew his affection was genuine
it’s no surprise
i liked this moment so much bc
the writers spent the whole two seasons just like, you cannot trust this boy, and then THIS is what it was building to?? just to “this thing everyone guessed was true IS true and it doesn’t matter bc of the power of love”
really dissatisfying from a story perspective but Very satisfying from a 90s teen romcom perspective

Rachel: yeah i kinda wanted Sabrina to see that even the revelation of his “betrayal” was part of Satan’s plan to neg Sabrina, and for her to just see through that

CC: i mean honestly…… in the end…. nick’s just a good religious boy who was told to be nice to a new kid by a higher power
I doubt that like us, he wouldn’t have guessed that satan just wanted sabrina for his daughter-wife
maybe like us, he overestimated this whole
this whole entire thing

Jenny:

Jenny: me @ this show

CC: a hard same
speaking of “this is all happening now”
can we talk about
THE SONG

Jenny: I KNOW
I SCREAMED

CC: WH
WHY
WHAT

Jenny:

CC: the tonal dissonance
it just
it got me, guys

Rachel: oh is that from Phantom of the Opera??
i know nothing about The Theatre

CC: honestly, i only knew because my mom had the CD

Jenny: it’s the only good song from phantom don’t @ me

CC: LOL

Rachel: yeah it was a weird tonal choice
it had absolutely nothing to do with her Big Plan
is Kiernan Shipka just trying to get a record deal??

CC: no ominous organ music either
definitely lacks ambiance for the scene, imo
sorry jenny

Jenny: lol np np
def this usage was p infuriating
but you know these writers can’t pass up an opportunity to make teens sing

CC: this was some grade-a certified riverdale nonsense

Jenny: truly

CC: if nothing else
at least it seems like my faith in wardwell has been redeemed
hail lilith, tbh

Jenny: YES

Rachel: helll YEAH

Jenny: sign me up

Rachel: and zelda up here as high priestess

CC:

Jenny: get it girl

Rachel: only at that moment did i appreciate her gamble to marry blackwood

Jenny: oh yes
she was def playing the long game

Rachel: maybe they’ll get the witch in the woods to join up

Jenny: oh HELL YES
would love to see more woods witch

CC: also, dezmelda!!! hope she’s ok out there

Rachel: that is dezmelda right??

Jenny: yes

Rachel: or is there another woods witch???
ok whew

CC: there’s also the woodland hag they ran into in the episode where sabrina goes into purgatory, right?

Jenny: i thought they were the same one

Rachel: same

CC: wait so what is the name of the one who was taking care of the girl blackwood twin???
the one from the christmas special???

Jenny: dezmelda
that’s the one

Rachel: oh wait no! the xmas special witch didn’t get leticia
she WANTED leticia

CC: whoops
my apologies to y’all and also these crones for getting them mixed up
ah well
ANYway here’s hoping we get a dezmelda episode in season 3

Jenny: yes
and in any case we know there’s only one queen of crones
our girl

Rachel: this was amazing to see

Jenny: yes yes you love to see it

CC: honestly, good to see a woman who put in her time get her due
v inspiring
also giving back to the community
welcome back, original wardwell!!!
wonder if adam is back too, somehow

Rachel: that was my concern!!!
like jeez, how sad for her

Jenny: probably not tbh
but i’m v excited to see original wardwell
want to learn more about “local historian and witch enthusiast”
v same

Rachel: oh you know what i thought was a nice touch??
i’m p sure that the actress that played that girl that was originally lilith when she first met wardwell, is also the girl that played lilith in the flashbacks with satan

Jenny: YES

Jenny: def the same one
nice to see that continuity

Rachel: that’s the most internally consistent shit that’s ever happened in this show

CC: or even the whole archie cinematic universe tbh

Jenny: lol accurate

CC: one really nice thing I enjoyed in this episode of family-related landmines was seeing the spellman family work together to take down satan
even if they couldn’t get him to stay in the pokeball at the end

Jenny: YES
it was v rewarding to watch hilda and zelda stab him in his wing wounds
love coming together to work as a team

Rachel: yes!!
i was nervous for ambrose for a sec
but it all worked out

Jenny: oh man same!

Rachel: also, they SCARED me with Theo!!!!
as soon as he was like “omg i can’t believe that worked”
i started SCREAMING

Jenny: !!!!

Rachel: have you NEVER SEEN A MOVIE BEFORE THEO

CC: NEVER SAY THAT OUT LOUD, THEO
not even after the final battle
that’s how you get a post-credits boss battle

Jenny: lol ‘idk why but this is starting to remind me of the descent’ – theo

Jenny: v capable though

CC: god, the wings thing just reminded me
of just, ugh, lucifer in general
and like: no wonder ur creepy ass got kicked out of heaven!!!!
he’s seriously the worst

Jenny: it’s true
when he was making his big pitch to sabrina
and she just came back with

Jenny: it was SUCH a cheesy line
but it got me
it was a nice thing that i enjoyed

CC: v buffy tho
that plus the greendale bonafide hellmouth

Jenny: truly

CC: err sorry
“””” nexus “””””
okay, show

Jenny: LOL

CC: but we all know what it is
glambrege egg of hellmouths

Jenny: LOLOLOLOLOL

CC: they went so hard with the allegory this episode
loved how in the flashbacks, when lucifer comes back a goatman, lilith drops
a basket of APPLES
whew

Jenny: apples and POMEs!!

CC: it is nice to feel Seen

Jenny: covering all their bases, translation-wise

Rachel: this props department does such a good job

Jenny: it’s so true
but i will say
when satan has his meeting with blackwood — when he tells him that it’s time the church of night bowed down to sabrina —
this line

Jenny: the decision to have the coronation at the School
just
SETS AND PROPS MADE THIS SHOW WHAT IT IS — THEY DESERVE THE MAJORITY OF THIS BUDGET

CC: well, she DID say she had school

Jenny: ok lol fair

Rachel: oh man also, surprise, surprise, Greendale is the original site where Satan fell
i fucking guess

Jenny: oh man yeah that middle-eastern desert totally looks just like rural pennsylvania
this all makes so much sense

Rachel: also does Satan fall AFTER adam and eve????
it seems to me like he would have fallen before
but w/e

Jenny: a good question actually
idk
catholic school did not prepare me for this
i mean — if the seven days start w let there be light? then i guess the angel war/lucifer’s unionization thing would’ve had to have been after?
but yeah man i do not know for sure

CC: also
re:
“there is no choice, there is just my will”

Jenny: UGH

CC: I thought that satan was all about choices?????????

Jenny: that’s literally the Whole Point

CC: hope you enjoyed getting sued by the church of satanism, CAoS!
again!!

Jenny: honestly
this episode just did so much

CC: look
all I can say is: I just finished Good Omens, and if you’re looking for a vaguely biblical apocalyptic TV event where people say stuff like “unholy shit”, might I recommend that show? it’s v good, and has 100% fewer demonic child marriages
it’s a good pivot

Jenny: agree
before we wrap up
i want to talk a little bit about the ending

Jenny: bc it WAS a mess, but this ^^ was v nice and i liked it
this part felt good

Rachel: i did too actually
full circle
always nice to setup a tension and then resolve it

Jenny: v tidy
but in a nice and satisfying way
i’m not really sure the point of more seasons after this moment
but i’m glad we got here

Rachel: same
i guess the point of the next seasons are 2 fold: Ambrose and Prudence have swords now and are going to kill Blackwood, and Sabrina nd her human friends have formed a Mystery Gang to solve demon crime

Jenny: oh you mean

Jenny: but yeah i actually find myself VERY INVESTED in ambrose-and-prudence-have-swords-now
as a plot line

Rachel: same same

CC: love to see the beginning of this RPG quest
when you’re a witch with a sword, you can be your own mage AND your own knight
and when you’re a witch with a sword and a dubious moral compass, you’re like
the whole party all by yourself
what I’m saying is, what an unstoppable duo

Jenny: i love them

Rachel: 🙌
y’all ready for final thoughts?
final for season 2!

Jenny: def

Rachel: ok mine is
they STILL aren’t using Salem to his full potential

Jenny: god it’s so true

Rachel: when they were like “only her familiar can come with her to meet the dark lord”
i was like FINALLY
IT’S HAPPENING
but no, nothing happened
literally nothing

CC: cats, man
they just don’t care

Rachel: LOL

Jenny: i’m really hoping that Salem’s insistence on being included in the Fright Club will mean that we see more of him next season
but it does seem unlikely

CC: see also tho: salem purring as they approach Satan????? WTF salem

Jenny: betrayal
my final thought
is something i’ve said before
but
HIRE ME NETFLIX
i need to be in the writers room
i need to be there so i can say

Jenny: every time they try to pull some dumbass shit
they need a voice of reason and i am v willing to be that voice

Rachel: +1!!!!!

Jenny: but also this was a nice moment and i love to see zelda abandon her faith in order to protect her family

Rachel: hire her you cowards!!!

Jenny: thank

CC: +1 +1 +1 on all counts
also hire rachel, because she is speaking truth to power and asking where these parents are

Jenny: YES
HIRE ALL OF US NETFLIX

CC: not as necessary HERE, but def in this cinematic universe
i’m only here for the memes
that brings me to my final thought
stop me if I’ve said this one before but
the moral of this episode, and also this season:

Rachel: LOL
accurate
right and accurate

Jenny: YES

CC: oh, and one more thing:
me during that shot of Hot Lucifer’s legs:

CC: see y’all in season 3!!!!

Jenny: 👋

In the mood for even more Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Hot Takes? Head on over to our Patreon and check out some extra content we couldn’t fit into this post. This time, we put together our predictions for next season’s Sabrina shenanigans. See y’all back here for even more Sabrina-themed hexin’, cursin’, and cussin’ in Season 3!

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.