A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: Season 2, Episode 9
"More female characters should be birthed fully formed from the earth, honestly"
June 12, 2019 at 9:00 am
Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. Get behind us, Satan: we’re only here for #crone #matriarchy and that sweet Freddie Prinze Jr.-adjacent content. Thanks for joining us on this season’s chilling witchy adventures! With that in mind, welcome to our final Sabrina Season 2 Roundtable (praise Lilith).
Jenny: this is it
of season 2 (officially i’ve heard that it’s been renewed for another 2 seasons)
i like to think that netflix knows that RAC is not great w continuity, so they’re going for 2 seasons at a time to give him/these writers more space to figure things out
Rachel: oh wow
i figured there would be a season 3
ok so, i have to say — i did not like this finale
it was a lot
both too neat and too messy at the same time
it was a lot
both too neat and too messy at the same time
Rachel: anytime a show references the Internet, I’m immediately off board
“not today satan”
Jenny: oh you mean
Jenny: kill me
CC: not today, satan, I say to this show
Rachel: like, I’m glad you’ve been on tumblr dot com, the writers
but this is bad
CC: me @ every plot revelation this ep
specifically for me
this is really what set me off
this fucking coward
CC: i mean like even on a superficial level
why does it need to be both unholy and infernal
Jenny: a great point
Rachel: i mean, it was so so shitty, but i think it aligned with his character
which is so, so shitty
it made me so mad that he made prudence a part of it though
another classic Blackwood move
Jenny: certainly i can’t argue against that
i was pleased to see that this was also what really set prudence off
Jenny: like, incestuous betrothals is right on the line, but jonestown is over it
honestly this is the season 3 plot setup i’m most excited for
but maybe we should do a summary?
Rachel: good idea
Jenny: satan comes to earth and oh no he’s hot??
love Dorian trying to hit that before he realizes
CC: well, I guess I should have figured this was coming
def a glow-up from the goat head
Rachel: ok so the big reveal is that — Satan is actually Sabrina’s dad
which, ok, so, this is the thing that set me off
y’all remember when they rebooted the DC universe and we were all excited about the new Wonder Woman take??
and then they did this thing where it turned out that Wonder Woman wasn’t actually made of clay, she was actually Zeus’s daughter??
and we were all pissed?????
why have they not LEARNED
why are we doing this AGAIN
CC: more female characters should be birthed fully formed from the earth,
Jenny: that’s the truest thing i’ve ever heard
Rachel: look if that had been the actual plot twist, i would have been so on board
but no, it’s sort of implied that Satan raped Sabrina’s mom???????
it is unclear and gross
Jenny: i mean, i think yes that’s what happened, but in a very rosemary’s baby kind of way
where, like, edward spellman drugs diana and then satan shows up
but also idk
hilda talked about how they wanted a baby
and maybe she was on board w whatever way to get there?
it’s all bad
Rachel: well yeah they say that “satan granted them a child” or w/e
but then Diana fears it’s not Edward’s child
Jenny: yeah i feel like she would know for sure one way or the other
Rachel: and look, this is real serious territory that i feel like these writers are just blindly stumbling around in
Jenny: oh agreed
CC: i mean: couldn’t even trust em with copyright law, so this is
way out of their lane
nothing in this show
not the adam meat sack
not blackwood’s fingernails
has skeeved me out as much as this sequence
CC: as glad as I was for sabrina to be her own yondu
later in the ep
CC: nothing could redeem any part of this plot point!!! nothing!!! not one second of it!!!!
thanks!!!! i hate it!!!!! so much!!!!!!!
Rachel: yeah! it was too much!!
Jenny: the dark lord
Rachel: LOL CC THAT’S WHAT I WAS THINKING TOO
CC: OF COURSE HE DID
lol u 90s teen movie bf
honestly: in that moment, I liked him even more
because anyone who channels my boy Freddie is ok in my book
Jenny: yeah i def feel like this was supposed to be some big betrayal but we all knew his affection was genuine
it’s no surprise
i liked this moment so much bc
the writers spent the whole two seasons just like, you cannot trust this boy, and then THIS is what it was building to?? just to “this thing everyone guessed was true IS true and it doesn’t matter bc of the power of love”
really dissatisfying from a story perspective but Very satisfying from a 90s teen romcom perspective
Rachel: yeah i kinda wanted Sabrina to see that even the revelation of his “betrayal” was part of Satan’s plan to neg Sabrina, and for her to just see through that
CC: i mean honestly…… in the end…. nick’s just a good religious boy who was told to be nice to a new kid by a higher power
I doubt that like us, he wouldn’t have guessed that satan just wanted sabrina for his daughter-wife
maybe like us, he overestimated this whole
this whole entire thing
Jenny: me @ this show
CC: a hard same
speaking of “this is all happening now”
can we talk about
Jenny: I KNOW
CC: the tonal dissonance
it got me, guys
Rachel: oh is that from Phantom of the Opera??
i know nothing about The Theatre
CC: honestly, i only knew because my mom had the CD
Jenny: it’s the only good song from phantom don’t @ me
Rachel: yeah it was a weird tonal choice
it had absolutely nothing to do with her Big Plan
is Kiernan Shipka just trying to get a record deal??
CC: no ominous organ music either
definitely lacks ambiance for the scene, imo
Jenny: lol np np
def this usage was p infuriating
but you know these writers can’t pass up an opportunity to make teens sing
CC: this was some grade-a certified riverdale nonsense
CC: if nothing else
at least it seems like my faith in wardwell has been redeemed
hail lilith, tbh
Rachel: helll YEAH
Jenny: sign me up
Rachel: and zelda up here as high priestess
Jenny: get it girl
Rachel: only at that moment did i appreciate her gamble to marry blackwood
Jenny: oh yes
she was def playing the long game
Rachel: maybe they’ll get the witch in the woods to join up
Jenny: oh HELL YES
would love to see more woods witch
CC: also, dezmelda!!! hope she’s ok out there
Rachel: that is dezmelda right??
Rachel: or is there another woods witch???
CC: there’s also the woodland hag they ran into in the episode where sabrina goes into purgatory, right?
Jenny: i thought they were the same one
CC: wait so what is the name of the one who was taking care of the girl blackwood twin???
the one from the christmas special???
that’s the one
Rachel: oh wait no! the xmas special witch didn’t get leticia
she WANTED leticia
my apologies to y’all and also these crones for getting them mixed up
ANYway here’s hoping we get a dezmelda episode in season 3
and in any case we know there’s only one queen of crones
Rachel: this was amazing to see
Jenny: yes yes you love to see it
CC: honestly, good to see a woman who put in her time get her due
also giving back to the community
welcome back, original wardwell!!!
wonder if adam is back too, somehow
Rachel: that was my concern!!!
like jeez, how sad for her
Jenny: probably not tbh
but i’m v excited to see original wardwell
want to learn more about “local historian and witch enthusiast”
Rachel: oh you know what i thought was a nice touch??
i’m p sure that the actress that played that girl that was originally lilith when she first met wardwell, is also the girl that played lilith in the flashbacks with satan
Jenny: def the same one
nice to see that continuity
Rachel: that’s the most internally consistent shit that’s ever happened in this show
CC: or even the whole archie cinematic universe tbh
Jenny: lol accurate
CC: one really nice thing I enjoyed in this episode of family-related landmines was seeing the spellman family work together to take down satan
even if they couldn’t get him to stay in the pokeball at the end
it was v rewarding to watch hilda and zelda stab him in his wing wounds
love coming together to work as a team
i was nervous for ambrose for a sec
but it all worked out
Jenny: oh man same!
Rachel: also, they SCARED me with Theo!!!!
as soon as he was like “omg i can’t believe that worked”
i started SCREAMING
Rachel: have you NEVER SEEN A MOVIE BEFORE THEO
CC: NEVER SAY THAT OUT LOUD, THEO
not even after the final battle
that’s how you get a post-credits boss battle
Jenny: lol ‘idk why but this is starting to remind me of the descent’ – theo
Jenny: v capable though
CC: god, the wings thing just reminded me
of just, ugh, lucifer in general
and like: no wonder ur creepy ass got kicked out of heaven!!!!
he’s seriously the worst
Jenny: it’s true
when he was making his big pitch to sabrina
and she just came back with
Jenny: it was SUCH a cheesy line
but it got me
it was a nice thing that i enjoyed
CC: v buffy tho
that plus the greendale bonafide hellmouth
CC: err sorry
“””” nexus “””””
CC: but we all know what it is
glambrege egg of hellmouths
CC: they went so hard with the allegory this episode
loved how in the flashbacks, when lucifer comes back a goatman, lilith drops
a basket of APPLES
Jenny: apples and POMEs!!
CC: it is nice to feel Seen
Jenny: covering all their bases, translation-wise
Rachel: this props department does such a good job
Jenny: it’s so true
but i will say
when satan has his meeting with blackwood — when he tells him that it’s time the church of night bowed down to sabrina —
Jenny: the decision to have the coronation at the School
SETS AND PROPS MADE THIS SHOW WHAT IT IS — THEY DESERVE THE MAJORITY OF THIS BUDGET
CC: well, she DID say she had school
Jenny: ok lol fair
Rachel: oh man also, surprise, surprise, Greendale is the original site where Satan fell
i fucking guess
Jenny: oh man yeah that middle-eastern desert totally looks just like rural pennsylvania
this all makes so much sense
Rachel: also does Satan fall AFTER adam and eve????
it seems to me like he would have fallen before
Jenny: a good question actually
catholic school did not prepare me for this
i mean — if the seven days start w let there be light? then i guess the angel war/lucifer’s unionization thing would’ve had to have been after?
but yeah man i do not know for sure
“there is no choice, there is just my will”
CC: I thought that satan was all about choices?????????
Jenny: that’s literally the Whole Point
CC: hope you enjoyed getting sued by the church of satanism, CAoS!
this episode just did so much
all I can say is: I just finished Good Omens, and if you’re looking for a vaguely biblical apocalyptic TV event where people say stuff like “unholy shit”, might I recommend that show? it’s v good, and has 100% fewer demonic child marriages
it’s a good pivot
before we wrap up
i want to talk a little bit about the ending
Jenny: bc it WAS a mess, but this ^^ was v nice and i liked it
this part felt good
Rachel: i did too actually
always nice to setup a tension and then resolve it
Jenny: v tidy
but in a nice and satisfying way
i’m not really sure the point of more seasons after this moment
but i’m glad we got here
i guess the point of the next seasons are 2 fold: Ambrose and Prudence have swords now and are going to kill Blackwood, and Sabrina nd her human friends have formed a Mystery Gang to solve demon crime
Jenny: oh you mean
Jenny: but yeah i actually find myself VERY INVESTED in ambrose-and-prudence-have-swords-now
as a plot line
Rachel: same same
CC: love to see the beginning of this RPG quest
when you’re a witch with a sword, you can be your own mage AND your own knight
and when you’re a witch with a sword and a dubious moral compass, you’re like
the whole party all by yourself
what I’m saying is, what an unstoppable duo
Jenny: i love them
y’all ready for final thoughts?
final for season 2!
Rachel: ok mine is
they STILL aren’t using Salem to his full potential
Jenny: god it’s so true
Rachel: when they were like “only her familiar can come with her to meet the dark lord”
i was like FINALLY
but no, nothing happened
CC: cats, man
they just don’t care
Jenny: i’m really hoping that Salem’s insistence on being included in the Fright Club will mean that we see more of him next season
but it does seem unlikely
CC: see also tho: salem purring as they approach Satan????? WTF salem
my final thought
is something i’ve said before
HIRE ME NETFLIX
i need to be in the writers room
i need to be there so i can say
Jenny: every time they try to pull some dumbass shit
they need a voice of reason and i am v willing to be that voice
Jenny: but also this was a nice moment and i love to see zelda abandon her faith in order to protect her family
Rachel: hire her you cowards!!!
CC: +1 +1 +1 on all counts
also hire rachel, because she is speaking truth to power and asking where these parents are
HIRE ALL OF US NETFLIX
CC: not as necessary HERE, but def in this cinematic universe
i’m only here for the memes
that brings me to my final thought
stop me if I’ve said this one before but
the moral of this episode, and also this season:
right and accurate
CC: oh, and one more thing:
me during that shot of Hot Lucifer’s legs:
CC: see y’all in season 3!!!!
In the mood for even more Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Hot Takes? Head on over to our Patreon and check out some extra content we couldn’t fit into this post. This time, we put together our predictions for next season’s Sabrina shenanigans. See y’all back here for even more Sabrina-themed hexin’, cursin’, and cussin’ in Season 3!