A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: Season 3, Episode 2

Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. Welcome to hell, and by hell, we mean Teen Witch shenanigans — complete with time magic, 80s cheerleading tropes, and a living dollhouse (because why not??).


Jenny: this episode was kind of a mess, but i’m going to go ahead and say: enjoyable
really felt like Teenage Witch antics
she’s a teenager! she makes bad decisions! she’s a witch! she does magic!

CC: well, sabrina IS going to take hell to sephora
bc
it needs a makeover

Jenny: FELLAS
that was perhaps too much

Rachel: i think i know i’m getting old because i vibed way more with lilith in that episode than sabrina lol

CC: OMG
same

Jenny:

Jenny: : ^^ the take

Rachel: LOL yesss

CC: lilith at the pep rally is me every time I am trying to understand a new meme going around twitter tbh
er, the pep rally practice
w/e

Rachel: yeah, just the frustration of being a really capable woman who is frustrated by the naivety of youth

Jenny: lolololololol
i do have to say, re: these musical numbers — i would be fine if they stopped, i think

Rachel: lol i actually like them???
i’m here for theo singing
like i know it’s fake but w/e

Jenny: theo was p cute but the pep rally practice

Jenny: ????
of all the songs??

Rachel: ohh right i forgot already

Jenny: like — i watched Cheer. I didn’t think this was a popular one among the teen cheerleaders

CC: big props to all the gen x-er CAoS fans, as these musical numbers were mostly for them hahahaha

Jenny: lol RAS makes content for himself
it’s about the purity of expression
it’s art
he doesn’t make it for the masses

Rachel: honestly, same

Jenny: i mean yes 100% please check out POMEpress

CC: so, quick segue but
who wore it best

Rachel: LOL

Jenny: LOLOLOLOL

Rachel: how many “daddy” jokes do you think we will have to suffer through in this season
a girl can only take so much

CC: the answer is already TOO MANY

Jenny: oh you mean
this wasn’t already too many????

Jenny: it’s bad
it’s all bad

Rachel: i had a visceral reaction to this

CC: i am once again here to ask you to stop, CAoS

Jenny: just shut my laptop and walked away

CC: at least they got her sort-of dad’s soul out of her boyfriend’s body
at least that’s over
cross my heart to lilith etc

Jenny: finally
though it was only two episodes
i guess and the summer break or w/e
and what a way to bring blackwood back

Rachel: oh yeah
i was mad that our murder duo didn’t pick up on what was going on faster
like, ambrose SAID that time wasn’t a THING here
and then they’re like “WHAT???? 15 YEARS???? YOU’RE LYING”

Jenny: lol yes
but also what a plot contrivance to ditch those boring babies for more hot teens!
inspired

CC: it’s not even like they have utilized all the hot not-actually-teens they already have tho!!
this show already doesn’t give theo enough screen time imo why are we importing even more teens?????

Jenny: to be fair, they were immediately sealed inside a dollhouse
probably they won’t show up again for like 4-6 episodes

CC: what a totally normal thing to do to your siblings

Rachel: yeah, what could possibly go wrong with this dollhouse plan

CC: a LIVING DOLL house
i SAW that episode of Are You Afraid Of The Dark and i am nOT HERE FOR THIS

Jenny: look if the option had been available to me

Rachel: and then ambrose and prudence are just sexing it up, just outside

Jenny: like two sexy giants

CC: this show
new messages
what a Look

CC: what outfits

Jenny: sets and costumes carry this writing
it is known
but also where do i get a bow that big
i need it

CC: this dollhouse looks rickety af

CC: you turn a fan on in this room and it’ll disintegrate
guess that’s what happens when you spend the whole prop budget on lilith’s sick goblets

Jenny: well maybe the kids deserve this fate — maybe they were actually really shitty and annoying the whole way over from scotland
children are terrible
case in point:

Jenny: how DARE
zelda?!?!?
a BITCH??
well I NEVER

Rachel: oh zelda!!!
for a gal that used to murder who own sister on the reg, she sure does feel bad about slapping a possessed teen
she’s come so far

Jenny: it’s true
and also
loved this little moment of clarity she had

Jenny: I am not the bitch! it is he! he who is the bitch!
and she’s not wrong

CC: truly
also
god
these lace accents

Jenny: VERY harry styles

CC:

CC: love this collar
love these sleeves

Rachel: love a good cravat

CC: i’m coming around
so, this is a bit of a segue as well but
I’m kinda starting to be out on elder gods
why does everything need some elder gods / eldritch horrors e t c c c cc ccc

Jenny: kinda starting to think they might not be so great actually

Jenny: we can’t just tell human stories in supernatural settings anymore
the stakes MUST be raised to the highest possible levels

Rachel: god where do you even go from eldritch horrors???

Jenny: i don’t know and neither does Roberto
but you know what both Roberto and I do know
it’s that people love to see teens do magic

Jenny: genuinely this was such a satisfying moment
watching sabrina magically manipulate this grieving mother
watching her use magic to find this missing girl
teleport to her
make a ball of fire
loved how hard this ep went on Teen Witch — remember how that’s what this show is about??
i loved it

CC: you know
this show and riverdale really do love cheerleading

Rachel: still haven’t seen a single dab though

Jenny: LOL

CC: is this even relevant to the teens???

Jenny: have the teens moved on from dabbing?

CC: sabrina hasn’t even started a magic tutorial youtube channel
or asked anybody to like and subscribe

Jenny: god i need that content
so much better than the promotional music video

CC: even more than teens, this episode was just
so full of women who can just go ahead and drag me to hell
exhibit a:

CC: will she betray sabrina et al by the end of the season? definitely
but you know what
the mortal realm probably deserves it

Jenny: truly!
she was so good in this episode
like

Jenny: and sabrina is like ‘lmao what do you mean OUR throne’’
and our girl stands her ground
very ‘you heard me’
i love her
she deserves the throne

CC: sabrina needs to get out and hustle for that spon con bc what exactly has she been contributing to hell rn
so uh YES, OUR THRONE!!!
lilith down there dealing with those creepy demons and their weird scabby faced bs
doing the day to day management

Jenny: give her a raise!
give her more vacation time!
spread the good word about the church of lilith!
bc presumably that will make her stronger??
i’m honestly not sure how that works
BUT
praise lilith!

CC: i saw american gods; I’m p sure that’s how it works right

Rachel: i really appreciated harvey’s moment of clarity in this episode
just like, we’re teens right??? we’re in high school????
shouldn’t we not be trying to steal a dead body to transfer the soul of satan out of my ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend’s body????

Jenny: oh yeah!! harvey was so good in this episode!!
just very ready to kill a child murderer
very ready to compliment roz
v relatable all around

CC: he’s not wrong tho, everything DOES suit her

Rachel: absolutely love it
OH
do we trust this new friend of theo’s????
we’ve talked about this before but obviously this show has taught me that all new characters are suspect
he’s from a “small town” but doesn’t name it????
SUSPICIOUS

Jenny: oh def — trust someone who was just introduced?? unlikely

CC: a small town called……..hell…..just actually hell
not hell, michigan
just
actual hell

Jenny: lol

CC: i do not trust him either y’all
nobody just MOVES somewhere from somewhere else
i’m onto u

Jenny: trying to make new friends at a new school??
not looking good for you bud

CC:

Rachel: i want theo to have a beau and to be happy, obviously

CC: yeah i agree rachel!!! i want to believe!!!

Jenny: i mean yes it would be nice if theo were happy
but also
just by nature of the way this show deals with new things/characters, i think theo’s happiness would have to come from someone we already know
and might i suggest
Dorcas

Jenny: who just cannot catch a fucking break

Rachel: UGH
THIS LITTLE SHIT
how DARE you cheat on DORCAS

Jenny: yeah! the whole point of marvin was that he was sweet and devoted
but i guess you just cannot get sweet devotion in the church of night?
i guess she’ll just have to look to the outside world
to a certain cute drummer???

CC: whoa
WHOA

Jenny: it writes itself

CC: literally it does!!!!! right here!!!!!
jesus

Rachel: i’m IN TO IT

CC: HIRE JENNY

Rachel: NETFLIX!!!! DO IT!!!!

CC: jenny when you get hired for season 4
please swear to us that you’ll make sure that the daddy jokes come to an end
please
i’m begging u

Jenny: it will be my first decree

CC: bless curse

Jenny: lol

CC: hail lilith

Jenny: 🔮✨🍂
i don’t know that we ever did a recap for this episode
lol maybe too late now
but basically — now that sabrina’s accepted her role as queen of hell, she has to start collecting souls. one guy sold his soul to be good a chess (lame), and so she thinks that’s not that bad actually and lets him go. the next guy sold his soul to recover from a terrible car accident and has been murdering children and eating their hearts every 7 years since.
sabrina feels rage?

Jenny: sabrina feels power

Jenny: sabrina destroys

CC: my summary would be: women work twice as hard for power men took for granted L O L

Jenny: succinct

Rachel: so on point

CC: i mean, blackwood and lucifer
what a pair

Jenny: ah yes! bc zelda is trying to get the school back up and running but children are terrible!
(see above)

CC: ALSO
selling your SOUL to be the best at chess???????
jeez

Jenny: stupid

CC: I hope he got something else good, like a two for one deal
like those HEB combo coupons
I hope he at least got like, a 12 pack of frozen corndogs

Jenny: bless heb
would absolutely sell my soul to heb
i’d trust them w it

Rachel: god but let’s real quick talk about the worst part of the show
the ice cream man

Jenny: yeah he sucked

Rachel: that actor did a good job of portraying somebody i IMMEDIATELY hated

Jenny: lolololololololololol
v true v true
credit where it’s due

CC: evil ice cream ned flanders

Jenny: not even the murdering children thing
it was when he told her to go back and check w her boss
that’s really what got me

CC: I AM THE MANAGER, KAREN
YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE
what a dream

Rachel: i kind of dug how sabrina was leaning into the whole “soul collecting” thing when it came to somebody who really deserved it

Jenny: oh absolutely!
i love the idea of her as, like, the point of hell — punishing the wicked
bc the world is full of terrible people and i’d like to watch them get absolutely eviscerated by demons
v v v v v relatable
love to rage

CC: i do not disagree

Rachel: well are y’all ready for some final thoughts?
cause i have a prediction

Jenny: hit me w it

CC: +1 +1

Rachel: ok so, i predict that this little eldritch egg will hatch and the first thing it will see will be sabrina, and it will love her like a mother, and we’ll have a real “how to train your dragon” situation on our hands for the rest of the season

CC: aaaaaAHAHHHHHHH I LOVE THAT
Y ES
HIT ME WITH THAT CONTENT

Jenny: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
god i hope you’re right
hire rachel!

Rachel: they need an animal companion in this show that kiernan shipka is not actually allergic to lol

CC:

Jenny: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
i have a prediction
that is really more of a wish

Jenny: really hope we see more of this content
more hilda/dr c
i need it in my life

CC: yeah I know!!!!

Rachel: yeah it’s been two episodes and we haven’t seen this cute couple together even once!!!
not a WHIFF of our lovely werewolf man!!

Jenny: breaking my heart, frankly
leave nick in hell. show me that sweet werewolf man

CC: how DARE this show introduce MORE TEENS when we haven’t seen hilda and dr. c together in like a thousand years
well here’s my final thought

CC: ^^^^ every woman in this show this episode
hashtag relatable hashtag content tho honestly

Rachel: hashtag goals for sure

CC: hashtag cats
hashtag cheetos

Jenny: hashtag praise lilith

CC: hashtag amen!!!!!!


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Carolynn Calabrese

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!
Jenny Mott

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.
Rachel Weiss

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.
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