Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. This week’s episode is delivering PRIME Haunted Carnival Vibes, and we truly love to see it.
Jenny: what an episode!
full of people who are very obsessed w virginity for some reason???
Rachel: yeah that was gross
CC: haunted carnival: somehow scarier than actual irl carnivals?
I mean this without sarcasm: hard to do LOL
Jenny: it’s the hauntedness that does it
and also the maple syrup/blood-covered tree sap zombies
but the summary!
haunted carnival comes to town; harvey and roz are thinking about doing the do; nick is dealing w the fallout of being a flesh prison for the literal devil and no one is being cool or chill about it, which sucks; a lot of good setup for hopefully(?) satisfying plotlines for regular wardwell and hilda and ambrose, who are all my perfect children
we finally see Dr C!
Rachel: i loved it!!
i was thinking “wow, he’s dressed up for the carnival”
but now we know why!!!!
trying to dress to impress!!
Jenny: to be fair — he loves to dress up
for any reason
but yes this was v sweet!!
Rachel: i mean, a cravat and everything
an ENGAGEMENT cravat
Jenny: one must look their best
CC: you guys really know your neck accessories
I’m v impressed
Rachel: i’ve read a lot of victorian romance
cravats play a big role
CC: definitely dresses up an outfit
Jenny: hard to pull off the casual cravat
but in any case, dr c looked great and he makes our girl v happy
as evidenced by the single greatest thing this show has ever produced
Jenny: hilda wrote a romance novel and it absolutely fucks
CC: ok real quick
before we talk about this amazing book that has gotta shoot to the top of our future book club that we clearly must start soon
I just wanna say that hilda’s conversation w dr. c before he proposed
about just getting a chill cabin and an actual dog and a place to knit
seemed so extremely jennycore and i was v here for that
love to see it
Jenny: reruns of the munsters!
I would LOVE TO SEE IT
get me that spin off!
it’s just fireplace for your home but instead of nick offerman, it’s hilda and dr c having a quiet night in
cheap and easy to produce! hire me netflix!
Nick Offerman is in fireplace for your home?????
Jenny: yeah he’s in one of their specials
he just sits there and nurses some whiskey
it’s ok — perfectly charming
CC: ok, ok
I’m still adjusting to birchwood fireplace for your home
i just was so charmed by the original cast
a fire, and some nondescript wood
back to some actually scintillating content:
Rachel: i want to read this book SO BAD
Jenny: HIS SWEAT-DRENCHED JODHPURS
Rachel: such a hilda thing to write
Jenny: i did think of you Rachel when i heard it
CC: what are jodhpurs???
Jenny: those puffy 1940’s pilot pants
CC: OH WOW
also, I got a p good screenshot of this cover
Jenny: hit us w it
unfortunately this was the best I was able to do
BUXOM AND THE BEAST
Rachel: i feel like… it kind of looks like hilda!!!!
CC: love when people produce the content they crave
Rachel: hilda for me was the highlight of the whole episode
everything else hit way below the mark in comparison
but let’s get into it
the main “plot” of this episode
Jenny: i don’t understand why he’s on such a macguffin kick but it’s lazy
also what is RAS’s deal with maple syrup
why does everything come up maple syrup here
there are OTHER KINDS OF TREES
i think he was just trying for a riverdale tie-in
Jenny: um… since when???
what happened to “America’s Favorite Small Town”??
other than the worst graffiti you’ve ever seen
CC: uhhhh we’re living in a jingle jangle epidemic jenny!!!!
also the mask guy
betty’s dad continuing to be in the show???
Jenny: it’s the murder capital of the world i guess
murdered my desire to watch it
CC: if you can make it there you can make it anywhere
Jenny: lol i think the only example of that is lili reinhart’s career
i mean, neither here nor there, but: see hustlers, if you haven’t already
in the meantime
CC: I screamed out loud three times in less than one minute during this episode
first: when ambrose revealed we were going to riverdale
second: when he whipped out the “amoral compass”
and third: when the compass came from the flying dutchman????
that’s too much
Jenny: this show is too much
and it needs to stop
it needs to stop being this way and instead be just enough
here’s an example of it’s being too much:
Jenny: stop it
BUT! i know it has potential! to be good and just right!
as evidenced by:
Rachel: i’m so glad to see this, at least
it’s just hard when the main character of your show is just not somebody you root for lol
Rachel: i think i used to like sabrina
like, at one point?? right?????
Rachel: it just feels like it’s been so long!
i will say that i do find myself coming around a little bit
but not enough
the cast on this show is massive and there are so many more storylines that I find to be so much more compelling that sabrina, teen queen of hell
but this is how it works!
we’re hooked with the soft baking aunt and we just have to put up w the teens
it’s how he gets us
CC: so one more thing about the riverdale road trip
after howling as if I had been injured thinking we’d actually get a crossover, I was surprised that they didn’t even bother to do that??????
was that whole name dropping thing just an excuse to showcase jughead’s crappy graffiti??????
the laziest tagging of a sign of all time?????
didn’t even bother to show us at least one blossom or something????
Jenny: they blew their blossom last ep w that penelope cameo in “new orleans”
honestly i bet cw’s not thrilled about netflix’s taking the rights to this out from under them, and they maybe don’t want to share the cast
Rachel: yeah i feel like that means they’re never going to have a proper crossover
like casting penelope shows that they’re never going to show actual penelope
CC: i guess that’s kind of a relief, in a way
maybe netflix just doesn’t want to spring for any of the teens
Jenny: as much as i would love to see cheryl turn out to have magic powers…
that’s actually something i wanted to mention
i know the coven’s power is on the wane bc of the whole “imprisoned satan, bequeather or their power”
but, like, isn’t sabrina’s power, like, separate from that?
like, it is the satan blood in her veins that gives her her power, not the will of satan on a case-by-case basis??
and i feel like last ep she did a great job of using her magic to make the plot move forward, but this ep it’s like she’s forgotten that she is a powerful witch and the queen of hell with all of those resources at her disposal!
every time a problem arises, i feel like it could be solved by magic, but she just doesn’t even try?
doesn’t make sense to me
CC: so glad we have our bud ambrose around to keep stumbling onto macguffins to keep advancing the plot
he’s the real mvp
Rachel: i guess trying to solve all problems by magic is just too Sabrina season 01
she’s got a new MO now and it’s — to have inconsistent character development and to be mostly blind to the needs of others
CC: she keeps putting her friends in danger!
I guess not this episode, but generally speaking!
I would never want to go on a double date w sabrina
Jenny: lol a good point
sure to end in disaster
doesn’t matter how good and sweet you are (ex: harvey)
he was so good and sweet in this ep!
Rachel: man what is up with Roz though???
she’s being inconsiderate too!!
Jenny: idk idk i think it might be something about the haunted carnival’s unholy influence
but honestly it might not be
honestly she might just be mishandling this situation p badly
Rachel: i just didn’t think we were doing stories where girls are tempted by the appeal of being “popular” anymore
like, it’s not 2002
CC: I mean but let’s be real, what year is this show set in
what antique shop did she buy this phone in????
Jenny: who uses this font?
and did you see the strongman??
straight out of a cartoon from the 1920s!
CC: i loved the strongman
Jenny: he was great
Rachel: lol i wish he had a line
just even one
like “ho ho ho tiny human”
i would have taken that
Jenny: a reason for the camera to look at him
would’ve taken anything
i think this show has always had a weird relationship w time
like, remember the old photographs of sabrina’s parents from the pilot?
realistically, they had to have taken them at, like, a wild west town where you dress up in old timey clothes and get your picture taken w a sepia filter
and i feel like that’s this whole Thing
like, i know they’re trying to be timeless, but
it’s v silly
Rachel: yes def agree
ok also though
we need to talk about
I TOLD Y’ALL
Y’ALL ALSO TOLD ME
WE WERE ALL RIGHT
NEW CHARACTERS CANNOT BE TRUSTED
Jenny: lol it’s true but also
Rachel: lol harvey!!!!
such a sweet boy
CC: what a nice thing to say about somebody who has the AUDACITY to be NEW IN TOWN
CC: something about him just screams fishman
and it’s not just the green hair
Jenny: lol i hope that’s actually what he ends up being bc if so: v well cast
CC: I’d be willing to be one (1) cider that he is a fishman
Rachel: oh i could def see it
Jenny: will take that bet actually!
i think he might be the prince/son of whatever green man they were resurrecting at the end
there’s gotta be something under that hat he always wears
like the angler fish’s light thing
Jenny: ooh a good point
one (1) cider on the line
i haven’t finished the season yet so it’s anyone’s game
CC: ok rachel what do you think his deal is
you want to enter the game
Rachel: angler fish
angler fishman, specifically
CC: i hope you’re right and would be v happy to give you that cider
Rachel: i feel bad because I want Theo to be happy!!
he doesn’t deserve this!!
Jenny: theo is too good for these writers
they don’t know what to do w him
CC: ok I have one more prediction
I bet that Anglerfish Greenman Jr is going to fall in love with theo and decide not to be evil and die in a self sacrificing way
i mean: i’ve seen sailor moon, it’s definitely possible
i hope you’re right!!
that is cheesy but it’s also better than betrayal!
and theo deserves some cheesy non-betrayal
CC: love an earned redemption arc, honestly
Jenny: do we want to do proper final thoughts?
are we ready?
Jenny: ok i want to say that my final thought is:
as much as i love to hate on the writing on this show, there are a couple of plotlines that i am v genuinely interested in and excited to see move forward
1. sabrina, actually
i don’t want to be her friend, but i do want to see her enact some righteous violence in the name of her own ambition
Jenny: i absolutely respect it
plus i like that her big reformation of hell is just starting w an audit
and frankly they should have those records on file anyway
2. mortal wardwell
Jenny: i’m interested to see how this ends up intersecting with our main plot — like, she’s going to have to do all this detective work and i love almost nothing more than i love occult detective work
throw in some fake dating and you have me hooked
it’s like momento except that i actually care
Rachel: do y’all think wardwell and lilith will meet??
i hope so
that sounds like it would be fun, actually
CC: maybe wardwell will somehow take down lilith
then have to pretend to be lilith
to avoid unrest in hell
Rachel: : O
Jenny: i would love that
but i would also love if they became friends
Rachel: i hope they become pals
ok so my final thought is kind of silly but i want y’alls takes
in Hilda’s desired future, what kind of dog would she have????
this might be too on the nose, but here’s my suggestion
CC: O M G
Rachel: it just seems like the kind of dog that hilda would appreciate!!!
CC: I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!!!!!
a perfect dog for her!!!!!!!!!!
Jenny: it’s a good dog!!
but i do want to throw another contender in the ring:
Jenny: just straight up A Wolf
CC: jesus christ
“but he’s an old softie”
Rachel: wow i forget that they’re so big
CC: here’s my final thought
imagine you’re a fortune teller carnie at a curséd carnival and mortal wardwell walks in
CC: EVEN BETTER
CC: i would also watch that spinoff tho honestly
Jenny: yeah i mean, i’m p sure these carnies are going to be the bad guys, but also i would love to see them have their own show
and/or just remake clueless
OR clueless but they go to witch school
fuck me up that’s it right there
Rachel: jesus christ i would 100% watch that
CC: please hit me w this unholy content
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