A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: Season 3, Episode 3

A fish? A boy? A fishboy? Who's to say.

February 19, 2020 at 7:38 am

Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. This week’s episode is delivering PRIME Haunted Carnival Vibes, and we truly love to see it.


Jenny: what an episode!
haunted carnival!
full of people who are very obsessed w virginity for some reason???
wild

Rachel: yeah that was gross

CC: haunted carnival: somehow scarier than actual irl carnivals?
I mean this without sarcasm: hard to do LOL

Jenny: it’s the hauntedness that does it
and also the maple syrup/blood-covered tree sap zombies
seems bad
but the summary!
haunted carnival comes to town; harvey and roz are thinking about doing the do; nick is dealing w the fallout of being a flesh prison for the literal devil and no one is being cool or chill about it, which sucks; a lot of good setup for hopefully(?) satisfying plotlines for regular wardwell and hilda and ambrose, who are all my perfect children
we finally see Dr C!

Rachel: i loved it!!
i was thinking “wow, he’s dressed up for the carnival”
but now we know why!!!!
trying to dress to impress!!

Jenny: to be fair — he loves to dress up
for any reason
but yes this was v sweet!!

Rachel: i mean, a cravat and everything
an ENGAGEMENT cravat

Jenny: one must look their best

CC: you guys really know your neck accessories
I’m v impressed

Rachel: i’ve read a lot of victorian romance
cravats play a big role

CC: definitely dresses up an outfit

Jenny: hard to pull off the casual cravat
but in any case, dr c looked great and he makes our girl v happy
as evidenced by the single greatest thing this show has ever produced

Jenny: hilda wrote a romance novel and it absolutely fucks

CC: ok real quick
before we talk about this amazing book that has gotta shoot to the top of our future book club that we clearly must start soon
I just wanna say that hilda’s conversation w dr. c before he proposed
about just getting a chill cabin and an actual dog and a place to knit
seemed so extremely jennycore and i was v here for that
love to see it

Jenny: reruns of the munsters!
I would LOVE TO SEE IT
get me that spin off!
it’s just fireplace for your home but instead of nick offerman, it’s hilda and dr c having a quiet night in
cheap and easy to produce! hire me netflix!

CC: wait
Nick Offerman is in fireplace for your home?????

Jenny: yeah he’s in one of their specials
he just sits there and nurses some whiskey
it’s ok — perfectly charming

CC: ok, ok
I’m still adjusting to birchwood fireplace for your home
i just was so charmed by the original cast
a fire, and some nondescript wood

Jenny: LOLOLOLOL

CC: perfection
ANYWAY
back to some actually scintillating content:
hilda’s book!!!!!

Rachel: i want to read this book SO BAD

Jenny: HIS SWEAT-DRENCHED JODHPURS

Rachel: such a hilda thing to write

Jenny: i did think of you Rachel when i heard it

Rachel: LOL

CC: what are jodhpurs???

Jenny: those puffy 1940’s pilot pants

CC: OH WOW
amazing
also, I got a p good screenshot of this cover

Jenny: hit us w it

CC: ^^
unfortunately this was the best I was able to do

Jenny: lol
BUXOM AND THE BEAST

Rachel: i feel like… it kind of looks like hilda!!!!

Jenny: genius
blonde
buxom
hilda

CC: love when people produce the content they crave

Jenny: one does truly love to see it

Rachel: hilda for me was the highlight of the whole episode
everything else hit way below the mark in comparison

Jenny: TRULY
but let’s get into it
the main “plot” of this episode

CC: god

Jenny: i don’t understand why he’s on such a macguffin kick but it’s lazy

Rachel: yeah
also what is RAS’s deal with maple syrup
why does everything come up maple syrup here
there are OTHER KINDS OF TREES

Jenny: LOL
i think he was just trying for a riverdale tie-in
which like

Jenny: um… since when???
what happened to “America’s Favorite Small Town”??
other than the worst graffiti you’ve ever seen

CC: uhhhh we’re living in a jingle jangle epidemic jenny!!!!
also the mask guy
teen vigilantes
betty’s dad continuing to be in the show???

Jenny: it’s the murder capital of the world i guess
murdered my desire to watch it

CC: if you can make it there you can make it anywhere

Jenny: lol i think the only example of that is lili reinhart’s career
i mean, neither here nor there, but: see hustlers, if you haven’t already
in the meantime
this show
buckwild

CC: I screamed out loud three times in less than one minute during this episode
first: when ambrose revealed we were going to riverdale
second: when he whipped out the “amoral compass”
and third: when the compass came from the flying dutchman????
that’s too much

CC: GOD

Jenny: this show is too much
and it needs to stop
it needs to stop being this way and instead be just enough
like
here’s an example of it’s being too much:

Jenny: stop it
BUT! i know it has potential! to be good and just right!
as evidenced by:

Rachel: i’m so glad to see this, at least
it’s just hard when the main character of your show is just not somebody you root for lol

Jenny: yeah!

Rachel: i think i used to like sabrina
like, at one point?? right?????

Jenny: maybe??

Rachel: it just feels like it’s been so long!

Jenny: truly!!
i will say that i do find myself coming around a little bit
but not enough
the cast on this show is massive and there are so many more storylines that I find to be so much more compelling that sabrina, teen queen of hell
but this is how it works!
we’re hooked with the soft baking aunt and we just have to put up w the teens
it’s how he gets us

CC: so one more thing about the riverdale road trip
after howling as if I had been injured thinking we’d actually get a crossover, I was surprised that they didn’t even bother to do that??????
was that whole name dropping thing just an excuse to showcase jughead’s crappy graffiti??????
the laziest tagging of a sign of all time?????
didn’t even bother to show us at least one blossom or something????

Jenny: they blew their blossom last ep w that penelope cameo in “new orleans”
honestly i bet cw’s not thrilled about netflix’s taking the rights to this out from under them, and they maybe don’t want to share the cast

Rachel: yeah i feel like that means they’re never going to have a proper crossover
like casting penelope shows that they’re never going to show actual penelope

CC: i guess that’s kind of a relief, in a way
maybe netflix just doesn’t want to spring for any of the teens

Jenny: as much as i would love to see cheryl turn out to have magic powers…
oh!
that’s actually something i wanted to mention
i know the coven’s power is on the wane bc of the whole “imprisoned satan, bequeather or their power”
but, like, isn’t sabrina’s power, like, separate from that?
like, it is the satan blood in her veins that gives her her power, not the will of satan on a case-by-case basis??
and i feel like last ep she did a great job of using her magic to make the plot move forward, but this ep it’s like she’s forgotten that she is a powerful witch and the queen of hell with all of those resources at her disposal!
every time a problem arises, i feel like it could be solved by magic, but she just doesn’t even try?
doesn’t make sense to me

CC: so glad we have our bud ambrose around to keep stumbling onto macguffins to keep advancing the plot

Jenny: lol
absolutely
he’s the real mvp

Rachel: i guess trying to solve all problems by magic is just too Sabrina season 01
she’s got a new MO now and it’s — to have inconsistent character development and to be mostly blind to the needs of others

Jenny: LOL

CC: she keeps putting her friends in danger!
I guess not this episode, but generally speaking!
I would never want to go on a double date w sabrina

Jenny: lol a good point
sure to end in disaster
doesn’t matter how good and sweet you are (ex: harvey)
he was so good and sweet in this ep!

Rachel: man what is up with Roz though???
she’s being inconsiderate too!!
poor harv!

Jenny: idk idk i think it might be something about the haunted carnival’s unholy influence
but honestly it might not be
honestly she might just be mishandling this situation p badly

Rachel: i just didn’t think we were doing stories where girls are tempted by the appeal of being “popular” anymore
like, it’s not 2002

Jenny: lol

CC: I mean but let’s be real, what year is this show set in
like:
what antique shop did she buy this phone in????

Jenny: who uses this font?
and did you see the strongman??
straight out of a cartoon from the 1920s!

CC: i loved the strongman

Jenny: he was great

Rachel: lol i wish he had a line
just even one
like “ho ho ho tiny human”
i would have taken that

Jenny: a reason for the camera to look at him
would’ve taken anything
but yeah
i think this show has always had a weird relationship w time
like, remember the old photographs of sabrina’s parents from the pilot?
realistically, they had to have taken them at, like, a wild west town where you dress up in old timey clothes and get your picture taken w a sepia filter
and i feel like that’s this whole Thing
like, i know they’re trying to be timeless, but
it’s v silly

Rachel: yes def agree
ok also though
we need to talk about
Robin
I TOLD Y’ALL
Y’ALL ALSO TOLD ME
WE WERE ALL RIGHT
NEW CHARACTERS CANNOT BE TRUSTED

Jenny: lol it’s true but also

Rachel: lol harvey!!!!
such a sweet boy

CC: what a nice thing to say about somebody who has the AUDACITY to be NEW IN TOWN
but also

CC: something about him just screams fishman
and it’s not just the green hair

Jenny: lol i hope that’s actually what he ends up being bc if so: v well cast

CC: I’d be willing to be one (1) cider that he is a fishman

Rachel: oh i could def see it

Jenny: will take that bet actually!
i think he might be the prince/son of whatever green man they were resurrecting at the end

Rachel: oh!!!
there’s gotta be something under that hat he always wears
like the angler fish’s light thing

CC: oooooh

Jenny: ooh a good point
one (1) cider on the line
i haven’t finished the season yet so it’s anyone’s game

CC: ok rachel what do you think his deal is
you want to enter the game

Rachel: angler fish
angler fishman, specifically

CC: i hope you’re right and would be v happy to give you that cider

Jenny: 100%

Rachel: i feel bad because I want Theo to be happy!!
he doesn’t deserve this!!

Jenny: theo is too good for these writers
they don’t know what to do w him

CC: ok I have one more prediction
I bet that Anglerfish Greenman Jr is going to fall in love with theo and decide not to be evil and die in a self sacrificing way
i mean: i’ve seen sailor moon, it’s definitely possible

Jenny: LOL
i hope you’re right!!
that is cheesy but it’s also better than betrayal!
and theo deserves some cheesy non-betrayal

CC: love an earned redemption arc, honestly

Jenny: do we want to do proper final thoughts?
are we ready?

Rachel: ready!

CC: ready!

Jenny: ok i want to say that my final thought is:
as much as i love to hate on the writing on this show, there are a couple of plotlines that i am v genuinely interested in and excited to see move forward
1. sabrina, actually

i don’t want to be her friend, but i do want to see her enact some righteous violence in the name of her own ambition

Rachel: true!!

Jenny: i absolutely respect it
plus i like that her big reformation of hell is just starting w an audit
and frankly they should have those records on file anyway
2. mortal wardwell

Jenny: i’m interested to see how this ends up intersecting with our main plot — like, she’s going to have to do all this detective work and i love almost nothing more than i love occult detective work
throw in some fake dating and you have me hooked
it’s like momento except that i actually care

Rachel: do y’all think wardwell and lilith will meet??

Jenny: OOH
i hope so
that sounds like it would be fun, actually

CC: maybe wardwell will somehow take down lilith
then have to pretend to be lilith
to avoid unrest in hell

Jenny: AHHHH!!!!

Rachel: : O

Jenny: i would love that
but i would also love if they became friends

Rachel: i hope they become pals
ok so my final thought is kind of silly but i want y’alls takes
in Hilda’s desired future, what kind of dog would she have????
this might be too on the nose, but here’s my suggestion

Jenny: OOOOH!

CC: O M G

Rachel: it just seems like the kind of dog that hilda would appreciate!!!

CC: I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!!!!!
a perfect dog for her!!!!!!!!!!

Jenny: it’s a good dog!!
but i do want to throw another contender in the ring:

Jenny: just straight up A Wolf

Rachel: YES
love it

CC: jesus christ
big pup
“but he’s an old softie”
-hilda, probably

Rachel: wow i forget that they’re so big

CC: here’s my final thought
imagine you’re a fortune teller carnie at a cursĂ©d carnival and mortal wardwell walks in

Rachel: lollllll
so savage

CC: EVEN BETTER

Rachel: AHAHAHA

CC: i would also watch that spinoff tho honestly

Jenny: yeah i mean, i’m p sure these carnies are going to be the bad guys, but also i would love to see them have their own show
and/or just remake clueless
OR clueless but they go to witch school
fuck me up that’s it right there

Rachel: jesus christ i would 100% watch that

CC: please hit me w this unholy content


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Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.