A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: Season 4 Predictions

Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. Now that — praise Hecate — we have finally finished Season 3, here are all our predictions for the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina’s hellscape in Season 4.


Jenny: so i’d like to start off by saying that i know this is a Predictions post, but all the time i spent trying to figure out my predictions, i kept butting up against “what i want to happen” and “what i expect these garbage writers to do”
so, like, my Prediction for Hilda is EITHER, she moves out of the mortuary and in w Dr C — OR dr c moves into the mortuary, a la Mr. Knightly
but in either case, i think what these writers will end up doing is making hilda’s living situation a big point of contention w zelda, which hilda eventually loses
and then hilda and c are unhappy and it’s stupid

Rachel: Ugh

CC: UGH

Rachel: I think your right though, that we should distinguish what we want vs what we expect here
My prediction is that Hilda’s wedding will mark the midpoint of the next season
But some lovecraftian horror will crash it with Blackwood
And he’ll come in all “why wasn’t I invited???” And then smirk sinisterly

Jenny: oh god i can see it

CC: EW

Jenny: like maleficent but shitty

CC: how dare

Jenny: lol

CC: i predict that if this happens, hilda will kill him, at least temporarily, for ruining her wedding

Jenny: LOL i hope so
can we dwell a moment in hilda’s wedding
would love to hear some predictions for that
colors? flowers? dress?

Rachel: Well they love classic horror, maybe like a vintage theme??

Jenny: OOOH!
they could go full tack and dress up like the addams!! would be p cute and charming actually

CC: I predict that Hilda’s wedding dress will be black, bc, v subtle, of course
and I also predict that Ms Havisham will be revealed to be an Actual Crone in the universe of the show and will somehow also cause mayhem at the wedding
again, bc: subtle

Jenny: i’m trying to remember zelda’s wedding to blackwood — what were the rituals of witch weddings?? (i predict that the writers will also forget and there will be massive discrepancies)

CC: I think you are absolutely right

Jenny: was zelda’s dress black?
i can’t remember
OOH! i bet there’ll be a musical number though

Rachel: oh FOR SURE

Jenny: she’ll hire the Fright Club to be her wedding band

Rachel: That’s cute actually lol

CC: yeah that is v cute

Jenny: it could be nice for roz and harvey to get a little break so they can have a slow dance
but also i could see this as a moment when things get Dramatic for them

Rachel: Oh and Zelda and Marie!!

Jenny: oh HELL YES
zelda gives a speech that’s supposed to be about hilda but is actually just about how much she likes marie

CC: oh zelds

Rachel: I love thattt
And you’re def right, the writers are not done with the “but does Harvey ACTUALLY love Sabrina” thread

Jenny: definitely they’re still stuck on it
but here’s where i’m at
like — sabrina did the wick cutting ceremony w both nick and harvey, so presumably she does not have any feelings for either of them; i could see them try to play it as, like ‘True Love’ cannot be cut w a simple spell, but also they have 0 chemistry so idk
mostly i’m hoping that sabrina gets at least half of the next season to be single and learn how to be a good friend?? but i’m expecting that she’ll just get a new love interest

CC: caliban isn’t dead, unfortunately
that is, sadly, my prediction

Jenny: oh GOD

CC: you don’t just throw away an australian hunk

Jenny: lol

CC: out with yesterday’s warlocks
i also predict that Lilith will do something completely bonkers

Jenny: like have satan’s child?

CC: like have it and then eat it in front of him or something

Rachel: Revenge for Adam??

CC: OH
GOOD
CALL

Rachel: Oh she’s gonna trick satan into eating the baby!!

CC: amazing
wow guys
we’re
so good at this

Jenny: OH MY GODD!!!
OH MY GODDDDDDD!!!!!

Rachel: Yep

Jenny: genius

Rachel: Is eating a baby too far??? Even for this show??
Maybe she’ll just make Satan THINK he ate his own son

CC: it’ll be like, a literal goat or something

Jenny: not if he swallows the baby whole and then the baby breaks out through his abdomen

Rachel: But she’ll sneak him away with the old witch in the woods

Jenny: oh i could def see that

CC: do y’all see anything cool happening with the hedge witches?
or anything at all?
I am sad to predict they might end up vanishing within like, 2 episodes

Jenny: a good point — would love to see it; but do not expect it
probably they’ll be like — it’s too unpleasant to live communally; we will return all to our respective bogs and mountains

Rachel: If they even get one mention at all

Jenny: v fair

CC: i mean but: good for them, honestly
take me with you, crones!!!!

Jenny: truly!!

Rachel: Hmm ok, predictions for Prudence?

Jenny: slums it w nick but gets bored

CC: she and nick will hook up and the show will play it like they have chemistry but it’ll just be super awk

Jenny: maybe gets a side plot where she’s hunting down blackwood?

CC: i hope so

Jenny: never forgives ambrose, but they tease it like maybe she will
sad
poor bb ambrose — the only voice of reason in this whole damn mess

Rachel: 🙁

CC: oh dang, speaking of voice of reason
I have a big prediction for the two sabrinas

Rachel: LOL I already forgot about that!!!

Jenny: lololololol

CC: one of them — probably the one who is trying to go inherit hell — will get hella killed really early in the season, somehow ripping the time loop wide open and causing crone @ home sabrina to be in exactly the same situation she’s always been in re: straddling two words
OR, crone @ home sabrina will get bored and have to overthrow herself for w/e reason

Jenny: oh i 1000% see it

Rachel: Yeah Sabrina v Sabrina

Jenny: more the former but god yeah could see that latter too
someone will have to deal the killing blow but the two sabrina’s are both trying to convince whoever it is that they’re the True Sabrina
exhausting

CC: 🆒🆒🆒

Rachel: At some point, Sabrina will say “you know that really old movie that Ambrose likes, Highlander???”

CC: EW

Jenny: LOLOLOLOL
i am CACKLING

CC: “you know that really old TV show ambrose likes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer?”
“you know that really old TV show ambrose likes, Mean Girls?”

Rachel: Lol
Predict they will get at least one line in that format in every episode

Jenny: lol
do we have any predictions for theo?
how long can this hobgoblin last?

Rachel: I just want…. Theo to be happy…..

Jenny: i mean same, but also

CC: i forgot about hobgoblin
wish he had been an anglerfishman after all

Jenny: what are the chances that the ghost of his aunt or whatever comes to him and tells him that the hobgoblin cannot be trusted??

Rachel: There’s still time honestly
Oh I FORGOT
ABOUT DOROTHEA

Jenny: i’m still p firmly in the “the ghost is fake, conjured by lilith” camp and we’ve yet to see lilith make theo unhappy, but…
it’s never too late
it could still happen

CC: theo will kill a bad guy by stabbing them right in the heart
and it will be metal as hell

Jenny: god i want that for him

Rachel: Theo will save his hobgoblin bf
His hobgoblin bf will swoon

Jenny: you love to see it

Rachel: the way to make me like Robin is to have him treat Theo the way that Dr Cee treats Hilda
Just absolute adoration

CC: i love 2 see it
i love 2 see it and only it in these trying times
by “it” i mean love and adoration

Jenny: (and if you also love to see it, check out GOING STEADY)
💖

CC: from a guy that is sort of a demon in a really dorky way to somebody who is kind and has a good heart and would absolutely stab a bad guy without hesitation if called to do so

Rachel: Hmm I’m trying to think of who else is even in this show

Jenny: i mean — the dream
salem?

Rachel: Oh man

CC: salem will talk in season 4

Jenny: i predict that salem will continue to get absolutely no screen time
LOL cc

CC: I say it every season and someday it will be true

Rachel: Lollll

CC:

Rachel: I hope you’re right but I think Jenny will actually be right

CC: LOOK: i’ve been wrong before, I know
but i got a feelin in my bones
season 4 is the one where salem will talk

Rachel: And it’ll be the same voice actor

Jenny: GOD we should be so lucky

CC: jk jk jenny’s right but stranger things have absolutely happened on this show, like spending an entire season with pagan carnies

Jenny: lol
thinking again about who actually is in this show
i’m thinking more about roz, and i actually would not be surprised if they introduce a new character to steal her away from harv

CC: or…….not a new character…….
……..

Rachel: Oh you know what, I bet it’ll be her ex
Whoever she lost her virginity to

Jenny: ugh

Rachel: Because in this show that shit matters and it’s so dumb

CC: I’m honestly so surprised they remembered that detail
it’s the kind of continuity i never expect from this show

Rachel: Lol you’re absolutely right

CC: i mean: the odds are not great, but hey, Jenny predicted prudence x roz and I am still Here For It

Jenny: oh god! we can only hope

CC:

CC: these scenes were like, seconds apart
sword wedding or bust
i am here for it

Rachel: God please

Jenny: !!!!!

CC: this is more of a hope than a prediction, but I really hope harvey backs away from the edge of going full-on archie andrews

Jenny: truly truly

CC: if he starts a masked vigilante group, y’all
i
idk if I can do it
lol

Jenny: oh! that’s something!
do y’all want to predict our “fuck this shit i’m out” moments
like, if they for real kill dr c — i will not continue to watch this show

Rachel: Oh that should be our wrap up!
Just since this whole thing is kind of our final thoughts on the season

CC: agreed
I’m ready if y’all are!

Rachel: Yes!

Jenny: same!

CC: I am absolutely O U T if they harm ONE MORE HAIR on Dr C’s precious head
ok fine:
if they even pretend like they would actually kill this precious man

Rachel: 100%

Jenny: v much agreed

Rachel: That’s honestly the thing I feel the most strongly about

Jenny: same same
but i’ll say as well:
i think i’ll be p out on this show the more it becomes like riverdale
like — the constant escalation; the speakeasy that doesn’t serve alcohol; the secret fight club in a for-profit prison
i just want some good, cozy magic in the next season
get back the roots w this triple goddess stuff

CC: seriously

Rachel: Agreeeeed

Jenny: and some nice domestic scenes w hilda and c would be great too

Rachel: We deserve that content
I don’t have like a single thing I can point to here, but the whole deal with Lilith’s baby makes me nervous
And depending on how that goes, I could be out

Jenny: oh V FAIR

Rachel: If that baby is like the twilight baby, for instance
And it grows up overnight and is hot

Jenny: lol GOD
fucking of course it will though

Rachel: Like they were so close to doing that with the Blackwood twins

CC: going from 1 (“not problematic at all”) to 10 (“comments posted to the Cracker Barrel’s facebook wall”), I predict it will reach like: maybe a 7 in the “oh god why are they doing this when they should know better in 2020” scale

Rachel: True

Jenny: LOL Yes

Rachel: If it only gets to a 7, I might not be out
But honestly anything 9 or above and it’s a hard out

CC: same
one other thing for me that’s a hard out
I am a big wimp. I can only handle so much body horror, and they really PUT US THRU IT this season

Jenny: oh man yeah a v fair consideration

CC: if this show goes through any more extended, multi-episode body horror fiascos torturing Hilda, like: bye
it’s been real
see u never
once was enough

Jenny: truly
so, uhh…. don’t let us down Netflix!
maybe hire us!?!

Rachel: Hire Jenny at least!!!!!! For the love of Hecate

Jenny: i have So Many ideas for a hilda/c spin off — this could be what your audience needs in 2020

CC: the Practical Magic-vibed content we crave

Jenny: but w a touch of Keeping Up Appearances and Murder, She Wrote
solid gold for a certain demographic

Rachel: (Which is us!!!)


In the mood for even more Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Hot Takes? Head on over to our Patreon to see how all our Season 3 predictions stacked up!

Carolynn Calabrese

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!
Rachel Weiss

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.
Jenny Mott

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.
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