#rando

CroneCrate Unboxing: September 2016

CroneCrate: You'll Always Bewitch

Guys: as the internet’s premier crone headquarters, POMEmag was honored to receive a free subscription to CroneCrate: the only crone-centric subscription box that brings hexes and enchantments right to  your mailbox / that hollow inside of a dead tree where all your letters turn up. We’re SO excited to share this benevolent gift with y’all so here’s our #unboxing blog about all the treasures packed into our very special September CroneCrate.

Let’s take a look inside! First off, here are the product description cards:

 

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CroneCrate Introductory Card

 

Greetings & Salutations,

As the Harvest Moon rises across the black September sky, this month’s CroneCrate shall darken thy mailbox, imbuing ye with sundry magicks to greet the autumnal spirits.

We ken that many of ye hath returned to yr thick tomes of learning to practice yr spellcraft anew. This month, skip that visit to yr local apothecary, for yr September CroneCrate provides all yes require for Demeter’s season of bounty. We’re offering a vertitable horn of plenty stuffed with tools & treasures for the changing sky.

Blessed Be,
CroneCrate

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Product Description Card: Page 1

 

Crow’s Feet (crows included) | Cost: 1 fingertip/set
Organic, local, ethically-sourced. Perfect for bringing to your next vegan potion swap.

One Month Broom2Go Subscription | Cost: 66 seconds (of your life)/min
Small, energy-efficient broom can get you wherever you need to go. Warning: broom will dissipate after 1 month unless credit card number is said out loud under the light of a full moon.

Candle Wine Stopper | Cost: A liver, doesn’t have to be yours
Are you a witch or aren’t you? Hide your wine in plain sight.

Urn | Cost: Only available for Friends of the Mausoleum subscribers
Someday, your first familiar will depart from this mortal plane. Don’t say goodbye forever! This urn allows your familiar’s spirit to inhabit your dorm in spectral form.

POMEmag Pin | Cost: $8.00
Enchanted pin; will attract like-minded souls.

Cursed Jewelry Box | Cost: $14.99, ghost not included
Will prevent you from losing only one of your earrings (but not both).

 

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Product Description Card: Page 2

 

Enchanted Armadillo Photo | Cost: $50.99
Concerned uncle of the coven, double-cursed to live in the armadillo and also in the picture frame. He only wants the best for you.

Teeth in a Jar | Cost: Has Been Paid
This year, you’ll be cutting your teeth on new opportunities. Here are all the teeth you had that fell out in a dream; don’t lose them again.

Witch & Famous Mug | Cost: $14.99
College years are the last years where you have viable dreams of being famous. Coffee will disappear from this mug as your dreams will disappear from your soul.

Big Cauldron | Cost: Can only be inherited
You’re not allowed to have a toaster ovens allowed in the dorm, but nobody said anything about a cauldron.

Cursed Mirror | Cost: Your Shadow
For reflection.

Carole King: “Tapestry: Original Recording, Remastered” CD | Cost: $7.00 + s/h
Study music for when you’re ready to venture beyond your Fleetwood Mac Greatest Hits LPs.

The Craft VHS | Cost: Your VHS player
This educational video will teach you everything to know about friendship and forming a new coven.

 

Let’s take a closer look!

 

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From left to right: Cursed Mirror, POMEmag Pin, & Teeth in a Jar

 

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Cursed Mirror, Teeth in a Jar, Urn, Crow’s Feet (and crow),  Broom2Go broom, Carole King’s “Tapestry,” and Enchanted Armadillo Photo

 

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Witch & Famous Mug, The Craft VHS, Cursed Jewelry Box, Crow’s Foot, Big Cauldron, & Cursed Mirror

 

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Witch & Famous Mug, The Craft VHS, Candle Wine topper, Cursed Jewelry Box, Crow’s Feet (with crow), Cursed Mirror, & POMEmag Pin

 

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All CroneCrate materials and cards!

 

OK ALL OF THIS IS GREAT SO WE MADE A VINE FOR Y’ALL TO SEE

 

We reached out to CroneCrate and unfortunately, subscriptions aren’t open to the public at this time. When reached for comment, a CroneCrate marketing rep would only tell us that

Ye cannae subscribe to CroneCrate, child; CroneCrate subscribes to you

And then cackled into our ears for pretty much 15 minutes straight. But we’ll keep y’all posted! Regardless, our first CroneCrate was a huge haul and we’re super excited to see what we get next month!  ✨💀🙏

 

Pomegranate Magazine

POMEmag is the internet’s premier pastel, macabre feminist dork publication. Or at least, a very pastel, macabre feminist dork publication that is leaning into that identity pretty hard.

© 2014 - 2017 Pomegranate Magazine and POMEgranate Magazine

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  • FriendOfDaja

    I'll be completely honest: I was hoping there was a way to sign up for this service. I guess I'm not quite witchy enough just yet…..

    • presidentcc

      Well, we'll put in a good word to the Crones That Be on your behalf~~

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