Happy Earth Day, Fellow Earthlings!

Greetings, Terran Friends!

My name is ❧❖❂✩✩✨➿, but you are welcome to call me Guest. It is my understanding that your—our—planet’s single most significant observance shall soon come to pass: the grand celebration of Earth Day on April 22, of course!

As an honorary Earthling still experiencing my first solar revolution on this planet, I want to make sure I don’t squander my chance to enjoy the pinnacle holiday on this incredible world. And as a student of the great cosmos, I seek to learn and understand as well as participate.

While I do not presume to know what is in store on this magnificent day and have avoided “spoilers” thus far, I have prepared as much as possible based upon customs I observed at your other annual celebrations.  Given the recurring elements across your holidays and drawing upon my own past experiences with the annual planet-wide festival on V-Zigs, my home planet, I am happy to report that I am ready and eager to participate in the following ways as much as is appropriate!



I must say, your penchant for gift-giving is one of the many ways the human species has charmed me! Greeting Cards in particular are such a beautiful and odd tradition. In preparation for Earth Day, I have decided to craft my own cards made from leaves I’ve sewn together with natural twines and filled with flowers and seeds from many pleasing Earthen plants. I am a bit lost on the appropriate message to include within, but I hope the following language I have adapted from home will do!

On this joyous day
We honor and celebrate our magnificent home
Earth, oh mighty space rock
We give thanks for your habitable atmosphere
And we marvel at your splendor
Let us never forget our shared origins
Happy Earth Day, Fellow Earthling!



Although I was admittedly alarmed and disappointed to learn that the people of Earth have not yet collectively agreed upon one symbol or flag to represent your planet, I trust that your tradition of celebrating life through artwork and festive adornments holds true on Earth Day. Since many of your holiday observances include imagery of various Earthen animal species, I assume I can expect this delightful feature! For now, I can only venture a guess about which one you might choose. Tardigrades would make a fetching and appropriate “mascot” for Earth Day, certainly, and given their abundance and prevalence across your world, not to mention how wonderful looking they are, I have a feeling I’m “getting warm” on this one! I have likewise created many paper fans and streamers bearing bold blue and green hues and festive, smiling tardigrades (lightly anthropomorphized for the sake of cuteness). Oh, I just know you’ll love them!


Gathering Area

Nearly every significant celebration on this planet has the shared aspect of a people coming together to enjoy each other’s company. What a wonderful idea! I gladly offer up the communal space within my own dwelling for this purpose, if it should be needed. I eagerly await the energy of the community on Earth Day, for certainly stories will be shared of travels, of natural wonders, of facts about this remarkable planet. On V-Zigs, orally sharing stories has not been a part of our culture for millennia, since before our ancestors built the Sphere, so you can understand how excited I am to partake in this immersive and adorable tradition. Perhaps some of you might also compile a slideshow with some of your dearest photos of Earth locations? What fun!



Truly, a shared meal is the cornerstone of human celebration! On this joyous day, you humans will surely honor the very world that sustains your life by enjoying a wide variety of the foods it offers. I look forward to sampling a multitude of cuisine, and I do hope potatoes will be included in one of the many delightful preparations you have developed. I anticipate, also, foregoing dyed and flavored beverages in favor of cleansed water, the very juice of Earth, which has the most unique taste! At home on V-Zigs, the natural liquid of our world was once also filtered for consumption and is now synthetically produced, and only here do I realize that nothing can compare to the liquids from a planet’s natural reservoirs. What a rare treat to cherish and celebrate! I have frozen many “cubes” as well, should any of you prefer your water cooled.


Outdoor Parade

I must admit that I do not fully understand the parameters that deem a holiday observance as worthy of a joyful procession, but I can only assume that Earth Day obviously qualifies, and I have acquired sunscreen lotions and a lovely “lawn chair” in advance. I cannot wait to see the ways in which you share your joy for your world—you’ll wear and distribute attractive flowers, presumably, in addition to crafting various parade visuals. Given the large parades I witnessed for something as simple as the celebration of a single saint, I genuinely tremble with anticipation for the grand displays in store for the day that unites your planet in celebration! And to think, although your species has not yet comprehensively recognized or agreed upon the need to respect and sustain your planet (do not be alarmed, you are still quite primitive, and we have utmost optimism for your collective evolution and potential for survival), I do confidently predict that your Earth Day parades will call for greater conscientiousness and no speck of “litter” will remain strewn in the green grasses and paved streets as they would at other times. To think of all you can accomplish when you simply care!



Ah, for no parade or celebration of any sort would be complete without wonderfully “upbeat” human music! As I am still becoming familiar with the patterns in your music as they correspond to certain emotions and experiences, I look forward to experiencing what I imagine will be a vast selection of Earth musics from cultures all across your globe. Dancing is something I have yet to participate in, myself, as I’m afraid this synthetic human form has proved absurdly ungraceful, but I foresee that I will not avoid it much longer and have accordingly begun practicing my “moves!” How could I call myself an honorary Earthling if I simply observed as you raised your hands and swayed your hips in jubilant praise of your species and your home? Even now, I feel compelled to spring out of my seated position!



These are only the first things that come to mind; I make no assumptions about my accuracy, and I await your celebratory traditions with an open mind.

Strangely, even though Earth Day is fast approaching, I have heard very little chatter amongst my new human peers, but I assume this is only because they do not want to spoil any of the surprises in store. Truly, how wonderful it is that your species takes such pride in unexpected delights!

It is a high honor to visit and celebrate Earth with all of you!



Alicia Kania

Alicia Kania

Alicia is a feminist mermaid on a never-ending quest to find the ultimate grilled cheese. She enjoys flower crowns, air conditioning, and singing to her cat. Please send her any and all funny animal gifs set to music. You can follow her on Twitter and visit her magical blog Alicia of Earth.

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