Public Places to Cry: An Assessment

Reviews, Appraisals, and Suggestions To Take Your Uncomfortably Public Anguish to the Next Level

April 8, 2015 at 2:08 pm

In your car

Public Places to Cry: Car

Pros:

  • Relative privacy
  • Sense of comfort, as your stuff is there
  • For the truly pathetic, can double as attractive lunch spot

Cons:

  • Cramped
  • Oppressively warm in summer
  • Lack of privacy, depending on which way driver’s side is facing
  • All the coats and uncomfortable shoes you’ve left in the backseat are silently judging you

 

Under your desk after work

Public Places to Cry: Desk

Pros:

  • Warm and cozy spot to cry
  • Janitor only potential interloper
  • Unlimited tissues
  • Easy to get to if you’re working late

Cons:

  • Reminder of workplace responsibilities may elevate stress level
  • Extra risky location if coworker has to come back for something
  • Still have to walk to car when you’re done crying (though this might be a positive, as you can continue crying in your car and no one will be in the office parking lot)

**Safety note: make sure the doors don’t automatically lock at the end of the day in your place of employment**

 

In the street, while staring up into the rain

Public Places to Cry: rain

Pros:

  • Rain washes away tears
  • Good dramatic effect

Cons:

  • Pneumonia

 

Public Restroom (single occupancy)

Public Places to Cry: single bathroom

Pros:

  • Quick access
  • 99% of the time, you can lock the door
  • Unlimited toilet paper/paper towels
  • Mirror that you can use to clean your pathetic hot mess self up when you’re done crying

Cons:

  • Poop smell
  • Toilet paper/paper towels much less gentle on booger-leaking nose than tissues are
  • Must frantically try to remember vague beauty tips you read on the internet years ago about preventing puffy eye redness while someone knocks on the door yelling “YOU DONE IN THERE” repeatedly

 

Public Restroom (stalls)

Public Places to Cry: bathroom stalls

Pros:

  • Quick access
  • Mirror, TP, etc

Cons:

  • You will interrupt other peoples’ poops with your crying and no one likes that
  • Poop smell

 

Public park

Public Places to Cry: park

Pros:

  • Greenery and happy strangers enjoying park may remind you that things aren’t so bad
  • People might give you change if you put a cup out
  • Vitamin D

Cons:

  • Greenery and happy strangers enjoying park may make you want to destroy all humans / become supervillain who feeds off of others’ happiness and turns it to sorrow in order to fuel DestructoBeam
  • Lack of privacy
  • Scaring children will most likely lead to people calling the cops on you

 

At the bar of a bar

Public Places to Cry: bar

Pros:

  • You might get free booze
  • Failing above, you can purchase booze
  • Drunk people less likely to judge

Cons:

  • Germs from sticky counter make rubbing your bleary eyes a potential biohazard
  • Free or at-cost booze can increase and/or prolong crying
  • Location is a bit too on-the-nose, don’t you think?

 

The International Space Station

Public Places to Cry: international space station

Pros:

  • In space, no one can hear you sob
  • Relative privacy
  • Sterile environment
  • You can look down on all of humanity while you cry

Cons:

  • Potential horrifying death (see the film “Gravity” for more information)
  • Elevated waste of precious oxygen
  • Crying potentially recorded and saved for posterity above most other documentation of contemporary human life
  • Aliens will think you’re weak

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.