Welcome back to Riverdale Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about all the drama and sexy intrigue from last week’s Riverdale — just in time to get you up-to-speed for tonight’s episode. Today we’re talking about Season 2 Episode 15: “There Will Be Blood.” Join us to yell about our favorite South Side Gorgon, learn about gun molls, and speculate about the Lodge’s secret vampire cabal.
Please note: this recap includes Extreme Spoilers for this episode, as well as the entirety of Season One. We warned you!!
Jenny: so i would like to begin by saying that i am happy to see the return of fred andrews
i think he would make a good mayor
Rachel: I do too!
CC: the ongoing tragedy that is being fred andrews
Jenny: also this was so cute!
CC: high school city planner
definitely never would have tried to build an ice town, is what I’m saying
Rachel: I want to live in this city
Jenny: that was the cool and sexy career he picked out for himself at 18
not an ice clown
CC: I bet he could save these and use em to run against hermione
i think that’s why the box was left there
to inspire a runoff
Rachel: yes!! I think it’s going to happen
and it will tear V and Archie apart
CC: he’s got great creative and it’s already printed up and ready 2 go
one of my favorite things about this plot point was former mayor mccoy giving him the real talk, which allowed her some much needed venting and catharsis
i bet she had Big Dreams for riverdale too 🙁
love 2 see someone revel in a very needed shittalking session
it’s quality programming
CC: imo things are looking up for her
getting a divorce and moving on to less lose-lose career opportunities
Jenny: i bet she’ll make a killing on the alice/hal divorce once that blood money comes through
CC: so true
can’t wait for that too!!!
Jenny: and while we’re on that
i LOVED alice’s big entrance
Rachel: so dramatic, so truly excellent
Jenny: what are you doing here?? – i’m here to make a fucking SCENE
Rachel: Toni is all of us in this scene
Jenny: but for real alice was ON IT
Jenny: this gorgon; i love her
CC: what a good line
Jenny: but she deserves to be as extra as she wants honestly
after sitting through this shit
CC: SURE, PAL
Jenny: like hell “worshipped like a goddess”
Rachel: yeah jesus
that’s why he bullied her into getting an abortion
Jenny: that’s just how people treat goddesses
CC: how many episodes before someone kills hal
Jenny: too many
CC: i think he’s a season finale death but idk if he’s even that important tbh
Rachel: I’m still waiting for it to be him who is the real black hood
god they really let that thread dangle in the wind
CC: ooh speaking of
this is related i promise but to jump forward in time to hermione’s speech
CC: what are yoooou doing here you cursed medieval woodcut come to life
Jenny: i mean, she’s his boss now, i guess
but also yeah probs something shadier
CC: i think he got facetime here making this shady ass face because he’s up to some shit with the lodges
or he just really loves for profit prisons, which, like, i wouldn’t put past him
Jenny: that makes sense
Rachel: god I just see him being so seedy like
he’s going to try to make a move on Hermione and Hiram is just going to eviscerate him
CC: lol i’d LOVE to see him try
Jenny: i kind of got those vibes too!!
CC: i don’t even think she needs him to do it
i think hermione would shoot him in the kneecaps
and just leave him to bleed out L O L
Rachel: lol yessss
Jenny: the molls use their wiles and also their guns
Rachel: I had never heard that term!
I had to google it
Jenny: fucking dope
CC: the more you know!
Jenny: more relevant than i had expected
i kind of just thought the molls were the ladies, no guns
Rachel: yeah that’s sweeter than I thought!
also I don’t know who this lady is in the google result but she looks awesome
speaking of awesome looking ladies
Jenny: I really wanted this ep to start w a makeover montage
or, at least, like, a dressup montage
i get that it would’ve been off, tonally, but it would’ve been on, personally
Rachel: I’m really glad that we’re seeing them at this sort of like “are they making out” moment but also
Rachel: I want to see that shit
show me their love story!!
CC: cheryl in love is 2 pure for this world
CC: but also, toni reacting to the blossoms being blossoms is amazing
Jenny: straight up cackling at the will-reading
she’s an inspiration
can we take a moment
Jenny: like, there was a ~ secret will ~
with a ~ public reading ~
CC: even cheryl was like LOL OF COURSE
but i guess even cheryl couldn’t predict a SECRET TWIN to go with the secret will
Rachel: GOD THE DRAMA
CC: “as close as romulus and remus” SHUT UP
Jenny: like the SECRET WILL was NOT ENOUGH
they had to have a SECRET TWIN??!?!?!
Rachel: also had we heard of the “blossom curse” before??
CC: it feels like there are like 19 different blossom curses at this point
everything bad that happens to a blossom is a different blossom curse
comeuppance for being a crime lord? blossom curse 14
Jenny: they’ve just done so much in that family to become cursed
CC: burned alive by scorned daughter? blossom curse 9
Jenny: they really pissed off a lot of witches i bet
they’re not allowed in greendale anymore
but also this fucking guy
Jenny: god dammit
Jenny: he joined the merchant marines at AGE 14????
CC: i mean you didn’t????
Jenny: i guess there were no rules back then
in, like, what? 1972??
no law or bureaucracy
CC: i have never heard of the merchant marines before
Rachel: I thought that was just like, a made up thing for fantasy novels
CC: yeah i thought most shows just use the french foreign legion for that purpose but idk if they’re a thing anymore either
Jenny: i just googled it and apparently it’s like, civilian mariners? but w navy funding?
Jenny: but idk for sure
this was a cursory google search
CC: maybe it’s like how rich people are always high school interns in tv shows
when like, no high school student ever interns anywhere irl
Jenny: but it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that would necessarily take one “all over the world”
if betty can intern w toni morrison between her freshman and sophomore years of high school
this guy can join the merchant marines when he’s 14
CC: how else was he going to go to lesbos, i guess
Jenny: all for that one joke
CC: so, there is something i wanna talk about
the lodge family conspiracy finally was revealed and it’s….
a scheme to bring a for-profit prison to riverdale???????
Rachel: soooo underwhelming
CC: and archie is onboard with this plan because his dad was shot????
Rachel: Jug is like “we’re all in danger”
I mean, it’s sketchy as hell but
I don’t understand really
Jenny: i honestly do not know why archie is onboard w/ it other than that he doesn’t super care about for-profit prisons
and yeah idk what jug’s article was about but it seems like an overreaction?
CC: I feel like this is a worse reveal than previously expected! but like
not in a way high school viewers are gonna be super pissed about???
because like, riverdale isn’t really doing a lot to unpack the evils of the for-profit prison industry?????
Jenny: maybe next week
maybe fred will champion that cause
CC: man ugh
I think because of how awful for profit prisons are IRL, it makes it really
hard to sympathize with characters like archie and veronica LOL
Jenny: i’d agree w that
like it seems as though archie doesn’t have a super firm grasp on just what that would mean
idk maybe we’re just supposed to be on his side bc he’s shown his loyalty to veronica/her family?
doesn’t sit well w me
Rachel: I really don’t understand the idea of being pro-mafia at all, really
like, not in the real world
Jenny: his decisions are kind of baffling
CC: “look man, i have seen a lot of shit these days; maybe if hiram lodge brought an industry many compare to modern day slavery due to its predatory nature, exploitation of marginalized individuals, and human rights violations to our town sooner, the black hood wouldn’t have shot my dad for adultery with mrs lodge”
but also, he is both extremely determined to keep his dad away from the lodges and their shady dealings while reaffirming how much he believes in hiram and his shady dealings???
archie??? what??? are??? you???? doing???????
Jenny: i doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me
but i did like
the part where he just word-for-word says the thing jughead said
bc i suspect that that’s what jug’s “incendiary article” is suggesting
Jenny: like, i think the article doesn’t guess for-profit prison
i think the article guesses vampiric mafia cabal
CC: maybe the for profit prison is just throwing the dog a less juicy bone: a distraction from the Real Shit: vampiric cabal
Jenny: yeah my god
the blocking was ridiculous
CC: lol ya
Jenny: mostly i’m just disappointed in betty for being like
“this is the best thing you’ve ever written”
this article wherein you suggest that a bunch of organized crime vampires are going to invade the town
CC: as soon as she said that I knew the article would never see the light of day LOL
Jenny: the writers room is not actually good enough at writing to convincingly write something “good”
CC: writers on TV get way better at writing things the viewer never has to hear or read ha ha ha (case in point: 90% of rory gilmore’s writing LOL)
everything carrie bradshaw ever wrote
author characters on tv are all terrible
but esp jughead; mr. didn’t-even-THINK-to-ask-his-dad-to-go-on-the-record
CC: so, i wanna go back to something rachel said earlier about the ridiculousness of being pro mafia bc I am 100% with you. so far, the only good mafia shit we’ve seen is
-getting to depose papa poutine
otherwise it just seems like you’re willingly signing up to walk into a huge hot mess
Rachel: like in no way in the real world is being pro-mafia a good thing ARCHIE
haven’t you seen even ONE movie
Rachel: but also Veronica!!
like, she was so concerned about her dad not being a shitty guy
but now she’s so on board
she’s down with this stuff
and I don’t really get why
CC: [extremely vin diesel voice] …..ffffffamily…………
but also, it’s a shitty family!
we all thought smithers was dead!!! that’s how far you can trust your mob family VERONICA
Rachel: I’m so so so glad Smithers isn’t dead ;-;
CC: good to know he’s not only alive but still able to work in the transportation industry (?????) i guess???
CC: I’m sure being a bus driver is a lot less glamorous than driving the lodges to and from murders but
I’m sure the work/life balance is better LOL
I also don’t understand his loyalty!
maybe I just don’t get mob life
CC: capitalism doesn’t have ur back smithers
but i mean at least he’s still alive, i guess
oh, one related plot point I thought was hilarious
Jenny: MY GOD
it’s the glamerge egg all over again
CC: i saw that prison in real life once! it’s in ohio!!!!
riverdale is in the great lakes region confirmed ????
the prison it’s based on i mean
Jenny: i think most of the filming is in bc/vancouver, but w/in the world of the show i got the impression it was upstate new york?
like if archie was able to go beat up that rapist on a day trip
Jenny: like, new england/mid atlantic
polly’s “The Farm” is def in upstate new york
i think that’s specified
Rachel: oh yeah I did sort of wonder about how travel worked here
everything is within a 1 hour drive
Jenny: it’s all v confusing bc all the vista shots are of what is definitely the pacific northwest
but i guess there’s the fingerlakes
up by ithaca
CC: all I’m saying is that sometimes this show leans hard on the “we’re all hard-up rust belters strugglin’ in the woods” vibes
Rachel: I think this show is just trying to be everything all at once
Jenny: a true snapshot of america
Rachel: it’s distilling all parts of the US into one 50 mile radius
CC: every part of america that isn’t next to sexy beaches
only sad beaches that are cold all year round
Jenny: next week, archie completes his mob training in the american southwest
which is somehow only a two hour drive from here
i need geographical realism in my teen melodrama
Jenny: it’s just good worldbuilding
but before we get to final thoughts
i want to say bless polly cooper
shows up for some money, leaves this mess behind her
a good, smart, and relatable character
Rachel: yes!! also how she immediately distrusts Chic
Rachel: I wish Alice wasn’t the only one who doesn’t see how creepy he is
CC: as much as I hate chick
one thing I think is interesting is
how he is a v different person depending on who he’s around
like, when he’s interacting with betty & the fam vs kevin
how he feels like a different guy, but in a believable way
not like his shift from mistreated scamp to ax murderer in slightly different lighting lol
chick felt the least like a secret murderer while talking to kevin
Rachel: yeah!!! that was… weird
I’m interested to see where they take the chick storyline
because I honestly have no idea
and also I don’t think the writers know either yet lol
Jenny: i’d believe that
that kind of leads me to my final thought, if we’re ready
CC: I’m ready!
Jenny: final thought: this writers room needs to do better
exhibit, this one that i have for today:
Jenny: you can’t have someone shout “jughead jones” in anger and then slam their fists on a desk
Jenny: i’m amazed this guy didn’t break
CC: PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN
it’s just like — take a step back from the script and identify the parts that literally no actor ever could pull off, and then fix those parts. i’m begging you
Rachel: ok my final thought is, I would like a spin off show that’s just Polly and her pudgy babies living their best california life
she deserves it and they deserve it
Rachel: going to the beach! getting an appropriate amount of sun! not dealing with crazy incest drama!
CC: getting the hell out of the deathtrap that is riverdale
theoretically, until we learn that san francisco is like 3 hours away LOL
CC: ok my final thought is:
CC: hot dog indeed
Rachel: HEY OOOO
bless u CC
Jenny: So good
CC: anytime B)
PICTURES OF RIVERDALE DADS everyone
Jenny: more riverdale dads!
that’s what we, as a nation, collectively need