Riverdale Roundtable 15: “There Will Be Blood”

The Blossoms: Cursed by witches?

March 21, 2018 at 10:54 am

Welcome back to Riverdale Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about all the drama and sexy intrigue from last week’s Riverdale — just in time to get you up-to-speed for tonight’s episode. Today we’re talking about Season 2 Episode 15: “There Will Be Blood.” Join us to yell about our favorite South Side Gorgon, learn about gun molls, and speculate about the Lodge’s secret vampire cabal.

 

Please note: this recap includes Extreme Spoilers for this episode, as well as the entirety of Season One. We warned you!!

 


 

Jenny: so i would like to begin by saying that i am happy to see the return of fred andrews

 

 

i think he would make a good mayor

Rachel: I do too!

 

 

CC: the ongoing tragedy that is being fred andrews

Jenny: also this was so cute!
very future

CC: high school city planner
definitely never would have tried to build an ice town, is what I’m saying

Rachel: I want to live in this city

Jenny: that was the cool and sexy career he picked out for himself at 18
v responsible
not an ice clown

 

 

CC: I bet he could save these and use em to run against hermione

Jenny: yeah!
i think that’s why the box was left there
to inspire a runoff

Rachel: yes!! I think it’s going to happen
and it will tear V and Archie apart

CC: he’s got great creative and it’s already printed up and ready 2 go
one of my favorite things about this plot point was former mayor mccoy giving him the real talk, which allowed her some much needed venting and catharsis
i bet she had Big Dreams for riverdale too 🙁
love 2 see someone revel in a very needed shittalking session

Jenny: yeah!
it’s quality programming

CC: imo things are looking up for her
getting a divorce and moving on to less lose-lose career opportunities

Jenny: i bet she’ll make a killing on the alice/hal divorce once that blood money comes through

CC: so true
can’t wait for that too!!!

 

 

Jenny: and while we’re on that
i LOVED alice’s big entrance

 

 

Rachel: so dramatic, so truly excellent

Jenny: what are you doing here?? – i’m here to make a fucking SCENE
and TONI

 

 

Rachel: Toni is all of us in this scene

CC: truly

Jenny: but for real alice was ON IT

 

 

Jenny: this gorgon; i love her

CC: what a good line

Jenny: but she deserves to be as extra as she wants honestly
after sitting through this shit

 

 

CC: SURE, PAL

Jenny: like hell “worshipped like a goddess”

Rachel: yeah jesus
that’s why he bullied her into getting an abortion

Jenny: that’s just how people treat goddesses

CC: how many episodes before someone kills hal

Jenny: too many

CC: i think he’s a season finale death but idk if he’s even that important tbh

Rachel: I’m still waiting for it to be him who is the real black hood
god they really let that thread dangle in the wind

CC: ooh speaking of
this is related i promise but to jump forward in time to hermione’s speech

 

 

CC: what are yoooou doing here you cursed medieval woodcut come to life

Jenny: i mean, she’s his boss now, i guess
but also yeah probs something shadier

CC: i think he got facetime here making this shady ass face because he’s up to some shit with the lodges
or he just really loves for profit prisons, which, like, i wouldn’t put past him

Jenny: that makes sense

Rachel: god I just see him being so seedy like
he’s going to try to make a move on Hermione and Hiram is just going to eviscerate him

CC: lol i’d LOVE to see him try

Jenny: i kind of got those vibes too!!

CC: i don’t even think she needs him to do it
i think hermione would shoot him in the kneecaps
and just leave him to bleed out L O L

Rachel: lol yessss

 

 

Jenny: the molls use their wiles and also their guns

Rachel: I had never heard that term!
I had to google it

 

 

Jenny: fucking dope

CC: the more you know!

Jenny: more relevant than i had expected
i kind of just thought the molls were the ladies, no guns
Learning!

Rachel: yeah that’s sweeter than I thought!
also I don’t know who this lady is in the google result but she looks awesome

Jenny: agreed
speaking of awesome looking ladies

 

 

Jenny: I really wanted this ep to start w a makeover montage
or, at least, like, a dressup montage
i get that it would’ve been off, tonally, but it would’ve been on, personally

Rachel: I’m really glad that we’re seeing them at this sort of like “are they making out” moment but also

 

 

Rachel: I want to see that shit
show me their love story!!

CC: cheryl in love is 2 pure for this world

 

 

CC: but also, toni reacting to the blossoms being blossoms is amazing

 

 

Rachel: LESBOS

Jenny: straight up cackling at the will-reading
she’s an inspiration
also
can we take a moment

 

 

Jenny: like, there was a ~ secret will ~
with a ~ public reading ~
very drama

CC: even cheryl was like LOL OF COURSE
but i guess even cheryl couldn’t predict a SECRET TWIN to go with the secret will

Jenny: YEAH

Rachel: GOD THE DRAMA

CC: “as close as romulus and remus” SHUT UP

Jenny: like the SECRET WILL was NOT ENOUGH
they had to have a SECRET TWIN??!?!?!

 

 

Rachel: also had we heard of the “blossom curse” before??

CC: it feels like there are like 19 different blossom curses at this point
everything bad that happens to a blossom is a different blossom curse
comeuppance for being a crime lord? blossom curse 14

Jenny: they’ve just done so much in that family to become cursed

CC: burned alive by scorned daughter? blossom curse 9

Jenny: they really pissed off a lot of witches i bet
they’re not allowed in greendale anymore
but also this fucking guy

CC: CLAUDIUS

Jenny: claudius

CC: GOD

Jenny: god dammit

 

 

Jenny: he joined the merchant marines at AGE 14????

CC: i mean you didn’t????

Jenny: i guess there were no rules back then
in, like, what? 1972??
no law or bureaucracy

CC: i have never heard of the merchant marines before

Rachel: I thought that was just like, a made up thing for fantasy novels

CC: yeah i thought most shows just use the french foreign legion for that purpose but idk if they’re a thing anymore either

Jenny: i just googled it and apparently it’s like, civilian mariners? but w navy funding?

CC: weird!!!

Jenny: but idk for sure
this was a cursory google search

CC: maybe it’s like how rich people are always high school interns in tv shows
when like, no high school student ever interns anywhere irl

Jenny: but it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that would necessarily take one “all over the world”
yeah
if betty can intern w toni morrison between her freshman and sophomore years of high school
this guy can join the merchant marines when he’s 14

CC: how else was he going to go to lesbos, i guess

Jenny: all for that one joke
worth

CC: so, there is something i wanna talk about
the lodge family conspiracy finally was revealed and it’s….
a scheme to bring a for-profit prison to riverdale???????

Rachel: soooo underwhelming

CC: and archie is onboard with this plan because his dad was shot????

 

Rachel: Jug is like “we’re all in danger”
I mean, it’s sketchy as hell but
I don’t understand really

Jenny: i honestly do not know why archie is onboard w/ it other than that he doesn’t super care about for-profit prisons
and yeah idk what jug’s article was about but it seems like an overreaction?

CC: I feel like this is a worse reveal than previously expected! but like
not in a way high school viewers are gonna be super pissed about???
because like, riverdale isn’t really doing a lot to unpack the evils of the for-profit prison industry?????

Jenny: maybe next week
maybe fred will champion that cause

CC: man ugh
I think because of how awful for profit prisons are IRL, it makes it really
hard to sympathize with characters like archie and veronica LOL

Jenny: i’d agree w that
like it seems as though archie doesn’t have a super firm grasp on just what that would mean
but also
idk maybe we’re just supposed to be on his side bc he’s shown his loyalty to veronica/her family?
doesn’t sit well w me

Rachel: I really don’t understand the idea of being pro-mafia at all, really
like, not in the real world

 

 

Jenny: his decisions are kind of baffling

CC: “look man, i have seen a lot of shit these days; maybe if hiram lodge brought an industry many compare to modern day slavery due to its predatory nature, exploitation of marginalized individuals, and human rights violations to our town sooner, the black hood wouldn’t have shot my dad for adultery with mrs lodge”
but also, he is both extremely determined to keep his dad away from the lodges and their shady dealings while reaffirming how much he believes in hiram and his shady dealings???
archie??? what??? are??? you???? doing???????

Jenny: i doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me
but i did like
the part where he just word-for-word says the thing jughead said
about dracula
bc i suspect that that’s what jug’s “incendiary article” is suggesting

 

 

Jenny: like, i think the article doesn’t guess for-profit prison
i think the article guesses vampiric mafia cabal

CC: maybe the for profit prison is just throwing the dog a less juicy bone: a distraction from the Real Shit: vampiric cabal

Jenny: yeah my god
that scene
the blocking was ridiculous

CC: lol ya

Jenny: mostly i’m just disappointed in betty for being like
“this is the best thing you’ve ever written”
this article wherein you suggest that a bunch of organized crime vampires are going to invade the town

CC: as soon as she said that I knew the article would never see the light of day LOL

Jenny: the writers room is not actually good enough at writing to convincingly write something “good”

CC: writers on TV get way better at writing things the viewer never has to hear or read ha ha ha (case in point: 90% of rory gilmore’s writing LOL)

Jenny: zing
everything carrie bradshaw ever wrote
garbage
author characters on tv are all terrible
but esp jughead; mr. didn’t-even-THINK-to-ask-his-dad-to-go-on-the-record

 

CC: so, i wanna go back to something rachel said earlier about the ridiculousness of being pro mafia bc I am 100% with you. so far, the only good mafia shit we’ve seen is
-getting to depose papa poutine
-hermione’s Looks
otherwise it just seems like you’re willingly signing up to walk into a huge hot mess

Rachel: like in no way in the real world is being pro-mafia a good thing ARCHIE
haven’t you seen even ONE movie

Jenny: lolol
drag him

Rachel: but also Veronica!!
like, she was so concerned about her dad not being a shitty guy
but now she’s so on board
she’s down with this stuff
and I don’t really get why

CC: [extremely vin diesel voice] …..ffffffamily…………
but also, it’s a shitty family!
we all thought smithers was dead!!! that’s how far you can trust your mob family VERONICA

 

 

Rachel: I’m so so so glad Smithers isn’t dead ;-;

CC: good to know he’s not only alive but still able to work in the transportation industry (?????) i guess???

Rachel: lol

CC: I’m sure being a bus driver is a lot less glamorous than driving the lodges to and from murders but
I’m sure the work/life balance is better LOL

Rachel: lololol
I also don’t understand his loyalty!
maybe I just don’t get mob life

CC: capitalism doesn’t have ur back smithers
but i mean at least he’s still alive, i guess
oh, one related plot point I thought was hilarious
shankshaw prison

Jenny: MY GOD
yeah
it’s the glamerge egg all over again

CC: i saw that prison in real life once! it’s in ohio!!!!
riverdale is in the great lakes region confirmed ????
the prison it’s based on i mean

Jenny: i think most of the filming is in bc/vancouver, but w/in the world of the show i got the impression it was upstate new york?
like if archie was able to go beat up that rapist on a day trip

CC: true

Jenny: like, new england/mid atlantic
polly’s “The Farm” is def in upstate new york
i think that’s specified

Rachel: oh yeah I did sort of wonder about how travel worked here
everything is within a 1 hour drive

Jenny: it’s all v confusing bc all the vista shots are of what is definitely the pacific northwest
but i guess there’s the fingerlakes
up by ithaca

CC: all I’m saying is that sometimes this show leans hard on the “we’re all hard-up rust belters strugglin’ in the woods” vibes

Rachel: I think this show is just trying to be everything all at once

Jenny: a true snapshot of america

Rachel: it’s distilling all parts of the US into one 50 mile radius

CC: every part of america that isn’t next to sexy beaches
only sad beaches that are cold all year round

Jenny: next week, archie completes his mob training in the american southwest
which is somehow only a two hour drive from here

CC: GOD
i need geographical realism in my teen melodrama

Jenny: it’s just good worldbuilding
consistency
but before we get to final thoughts
i want to say bless polly cooper
shows up for some money, leaves this mess behind her
a good, smart, and relatable character

Rachel: yes!! also how she immediately distrusts Chic

 

Rachel: I wish Alice wasn’t the only one who doesn’t see how creepy he is

CC: as much as I hate chick
one thing I think is interesting is
how he is a v different person depending on who he’s around
like, when he’s interacting with betty & the fam vs kevin
how he feels like a different guy, but in a believable way
not like his shift from mistreated scamp to ax murderer in slightly different lighting lol
chick felt the least like a secret murderer while talking to kevin

Rachel: yeah!!! that was… weird
I’m interested to see where they take the chick storyline
because I honestly have no idea
and also I don’t think the writers know either yet lol

Jenny: i’d believe that
that kind of leads me to my final thought, if we’re ready

CC: I’m ready!

Rachel: ready!

Jenny: final thought: this writers room needs to do better
exhibit, this one that i have for today:

 

 

Jenny: you can’t have someone shout “jughead jones” in anger and then slam their fists on a desk

Rachel: lol

Jenny: i’m amazed this guy didn’t break
every take

CC: PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN

Jenny: LOL
YES
EXACTLY
it’s just like — take a step back from the script and identify the parts that literally no actor ever could pull off, and then fix those parts. i’m begging you

 

 

Rachel: ok my final thought is, I would like a spin off show that’s just Polly and her pudgy babies living their best california life
she deserves it and they deserve it

Jenny: YES

CC: amen

Rachel: going to the beach! getting an appropriate amount of sun! not dealing with crazy incest drama!

CC: getting the hell out of the deathtrap that is riverdale
theoretically, until we learn that san francisco is like 3 hours away LOL

Jenny: lolololololol

CC: ok my final thought is:

 

 

CC: hot dog indeed

Rachel: HEY OOOO
bless u CC

Jenny: So good
so sweet

CC: anytime B)
PICTURES OF RIVERDALE DADS everyone

Jenny: more riverdale dads!
that’s what we, as a nation, collectively need

 

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.