Riverdale Roundtable 17: “The Noose Tightens”

Running is for Deviants

April 4, 2018 at 11:26 am

Welcome back to Riverdale Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about all the drama and sexy intrigue from last week’s Riverdale — just in time to get you up-to-speed for tonight’s episode. Today we’re talking about Season 2 Episode 17: “The Noose Tightens.” Join us to unpack our feelings about Nana Rose, cast a Riverdale/Middlemarch AU, and formulate more portmanteaus for all our favorite Riverdale couples.

Please note: this recap includes Extreme Spoilers for this episode, as well as the entirety of Season One. We warned you!!

 


 

CC: our uncanny powers of prediction seem to be getting stronger as we move through the season bc
holy shit toni rules

Jenny: she is so good!!

 

 

Jenny: the hero we need!!

Rachel: she is one of only 2 good things in this episode

Jenny: is the other good thing…

CC: is the other: the implication that alice and FP finally hooked up???

 

 

Rachel: YES
YES IT IS

Jenny: the gum toss
was a nice touch

Rachel: I wish more time was spent on this

Jenny: SAME

CC: next ep better OPEN ON THAT CAR, the one they are GOING TO THE BONE ZONE atop of
maybe not the murder car, just A Car

Jenny: Sheriff Keller’s car

CC: beautiful
obligatory “HIRE US CW” over here

Rachel: everybody is boning everybody and i love it
oh, the other thing I loved was Kevin and Moose staring in that deviant movie

 

 

Jenny: same
it’s so hard NOT to be ensnared by deviants tbh

CC: there are just so many enticing deviants

Rachel: I mean, I sympathize

CC: in riverdale, who WOULDN’T want to be ensnared by deviants
even just a little ensnared

Jenny: i’ll tell you some deviants i’d like to avoid

 

 

Jenny: these guys

CC: ugh
UGH

Jenny: this was the fucking worst

Rachel: goddddd
I hate this
I hate this I hate this I hate this

CC: “”””the dark circle”””””

Jenny: mortal kombat looking motherfuckers
POSTURING

Rachel: what were they called before??

CC: the red spot??

Jenny: the red circle
now they’re the Dark Circle

Rachel: man what a stretch
the imagination

Jenny: the transformation

CC: my suggestion for the next iteration:
blood cube?
sounds more dangerous

Rachel: nega circle

Jenny: the maroon stain

CC: ominous sphere

Rachel: spooky blob

CC: of course mr. unpopular opinion (reggie) is pro private prison

Jenny: reggie sucks
i’m glad v punched him last week

Rachel: also since when is Josie is running mate??
was that always a thing?

CC: I think so but tbh I don’t think they elaborated on it all that much

Jenny: i think they’re trying to call back to their garbage-pickup flirting scene
from, like, ages ago

CC: wow riverdale is all about “power couples” huh

Jenny: as per usual — not elaborating on josie
for shame

Rachel: well cause V approached Josie for support for her election and like, that makes on sense if she was running with Reg

Jenny: i think it’s a new thing
i don’t think josie was running last week
but yeah they didn’t really explain it
though i could see how she would be motivated to start campaigning
presenting herself as an alternative to veronica

CC: well I’m still voting for rachel
for riverdale student body president

Jenny: same

Rachel: thank you for your support
also Team Rosie is sooooo much better than Team Varchie

CC: varchie omg

Jenny: oh god
yeah
she had that dumb “team varchie” shirt
i mean it was cute
but dumb
varchie is a terrible word
like a strained vagina

CC: lol yeah jenny, “varchie” sounds like a colloquial term for some kind of downstairs dryness
what it is is something that sounds unpleasant but not necessarily contagious
look man ya gotta know if yours & your partner’s names won’t be a good portmanteau

Rachel: I wonder what Jug and Betty’s is?

Jenny: bug head
i think is what it is on the internet

Rachel: see that’s cute
Rosie is a cute couple name though

Jenny: not as good a Cheri

Rachel: Cheri and Bughead are my faves in terms of endearing portmanteaus
but Cheri this week
they really strung us along, trying to get to that kiss!
I’ve been waiting for weeks!

Jenny: but it was a nice kiss

 

 

CC: a good kiss, a good couple

Jenny: it was maybe a little cheesy, a little on the nose, but it was good and we/they deserve cheesy

CC: I am so glad that these teens can get past their rivalries to bust their pal out of a creepy religious conversion camp
I feel bad for josie though

 

 

Jenny: yeah
that was a shitty thing penelope did
shitty to josie
and also shitty to cheryl
and also shitty to toni
penelope sucks
is what i’m saying

Rachel: she really reveled in it
her shittiness

Jenny: that was kind of her thing this ep

CC: all the blossoms gotta go (except maybe nana rose?)

Jenny: love nana rose

 

 

Rachel: I have such mixed feelings about her
I mean, yeah, she’s doing something for Cheryl here, but didn’t she also particpate in that lynch mom that killed that guy?

Jenny: fair
i’m just so glad she appreciates bob ross
also she’s so drama

 

 

CC: nana rose is a messy bitch who lives for drama
literally only kept alive by it
it’s how she shrugged off that poisoning

Jenny: i mean, crawled off that poisoning

CC: she’s like those kids in persona 5, except instead of being fed on public support, her powers are sustained thru drama
the more drama ensues, the more powerful she becomes
by the end of this show she’ll be like a giant mecha crone

Jenny: now that’s the show i want to watch
going back a little
to friends coming together to break their other friend out of the conversion convent

 

 

Jenny: (through secret gay hookup tunnels)
I was kind of disappointed

 

 

Jenny: i was kind of disappointed to see the loss of Veronica’s trademark “sneaking around” cape

Rachel: man their looks in this rescue op

Jenny: what a boob window
toni’s black bra, mesh shirt — she looks great, but is it maybe too much skin for sneaking in the shadows?

Rachel: normally I’m like, so into these looks
but V walked out and I was just like “girrrlllllllll”
“why tho”

Jenny: boob window too big

CC: I am impressed that she didn’t have to do the ol discrete “crossing one’s arms while running”
with that much boob in one smol bra

Rachel: I think a lot about how these people are teens
and how I don’t like how sexy they are

Jenny: yeah
fair

CC: I always end up kinda laughing at this show whenever it’s like, “these are teens”
I legit forgot that alice could force betty to move home
like, “she’s like 31, how can you make her do something she doesn’t want to do” LOL

Jenny: EXHIBIT B!!!

 

 

Jenny: has archie gotten his driver’s license since the s2 premiere???

CC: THIS is what lands hiram back in jail

Jenny: god i hope so
the prison that he built

CC: also i love how they bought him that car as a pretend gift when really it’s just like “hey kid, guess you’re our servant now”

Jenny: LOL
yeah

 

Jenny: Veronica: accept this EXTRAVAGANT gift from my parents; of course it’s not like we own you now!
that’s gotta be a weird spot to be in

CC: archiekins pls pick up my dry cleaning
hope this sick unpaid internship is worth betraying your earnest, handsome dad, archie!!!!
the lodges are no toni morrison, that’s for sure

Jenny: yeah — her parents start to send andre, and then v’s like “oh don’t worry, we’ve got it” (looks at archie)

 

 

Jenny: NOTHING IS WORTH UPSETTING MOLLY RINGWALD LIKE THIS ARCHIE
and fred was really sweet this ep

 

 

Rachel: so sweet!!

CC: is there some unwritten rule in fiction
where the more earnest a dad is, the more obligated he is to say, verbatim, “I’m not much for speechifying” ???
I just finished listening to the middlemarch audiobook and the World’s Greatest Dad character says that exact line too!!!
what a blessed earnest trope

Jenny: [maybe riverdale is just an elaborate middlemarch au]

Rachel: [holy shit]
[i need to read middlemarch then]

CC: [you’d Love It dude; it’s my second time on this audiobook and it was a Fucking Delight]
[the one I listened to was the juliet stevenson one]

Jenny: [i’m trying to think of other characters]
[would archie be fred?]
[idk if i have a strong enough grasp to be making these claims]
[would jughead be the artsy cousin upstart guy?]

CC: [anything can be cast with middlemarch characters if u try hard enough; easy with a book with like 30 protagonists LOL]
[jug is a total ladislaw 100% 100% 100%!!!! UH, ANYWAY]

Jenny: while we’re talking about fred

 

 

Jenny: molly ringwald has been SO SUPPORTIVE
and when she first came back
and fred was like “I called in the big guns”
i loved that
he loves his wife
even though they’ve been separated
he loves and respects her
and he knows how smart and capable she is
that’s so important to me

CC: i know ;__;
love it
why is she leaving again????
I mean other than that riverdale can’t afford molly ringwald for that many eps in a row

Jenny: is she leaving?
i thought she was staying on through his election

CC: I thought she said she was heading out but maybe I am blessedly mistaken

Jenny: i may have missed that
i honestly don’t think i pay attention to the last, like, quarter of any given ep
except of course to see that Kevin is directing a musical of Stephen King’s Carrie!
what the fuck??
i’m into it

Rachel: woah I did not understand the way that episode ended, but I guess that’s cause I haven’t seen Carrie??
was it a Carrie reference???

Jenny: Carrie lights things on fire w her mind
but i agree
it was weird, tonally
idk if madelaine delivered that line super well

CC: i mean, burning shit down is cheryl’s answer to everything
so that sounds like a perfect fit

Jenny: i’m down
speaking of things that were weird, tonally, though

 

 

Jenny: i don’t think i fully understood this callback
like, are they saying that adams was the black hood
or are they just saying that archie is triggered by men in black masks?

CC: the actual black hood looks too grizzled to be that animated organic flesh woody doll

Jenny: bc adams was def not the same size or shape as the black hood

CC: YEAH

Rachel: I think the latter?? but I guess, now he is one

CC: I think it’s just archie’s flashbacks to the black hood

Jenny: it seemed like a weird moment
but also i’m glad they’re not pretending like the black hood thing is over
even though i so so want it to be over

Rachel: I guess it’s like, this is Archie’s reason for everything
even if it doesn’t super make sense
it’s like the writers being like “We promise we have a reason for Archie doing this!!”

CC: yeah!!!
HOW
THE HELL
WOULD A FOR PROFIT PRISON
HAVE STOPPED THE BLACK HOOD
would it stop archie’s dad from hooking up with v’s mom???
would it stop the economic disenfranchisement of the south side thus precipitating the need for the serpents in the first place???
I DO NOT THINK SO, ARCHIE
how would this prison solve literally any of your problems

Jenny: archie’s such a dummy
exhibit 19035:

 

 

Jenny: god
i wanted to slap him so hard when he started talking here
you’re 15!
and you didn’t do any of the things you’re claiming! (except beat up that rapist)

CC: lol y’all remember when archie sabotaged jug’s drag race because he didn’t like crimes???

Jenny: remember when he was a pure and sweet boy
remember when his being a dummy was endearing??

Rachel: omg I forgot about that

CC: a benevolent pair of abs with a pair of eyebrows on top of them?

Rachel: it’s all we ever wanted him to be

Jenny: “i’m looking at you now and i don’t know who you’ve become”
-molly/us

Rachel: do we have any predictions for how this shit with the lodge’s is going to go down??
mob wars in Riverdale

CC: I think somehow hiram has more control over this shit than he lets on
I think this is partially a plot to get archie even more in his pocket to somehow compromise fred’s campaign???
idk

Jenny: i think i agree; when he was like “i don’t know what happens next” — that felt v out of character; that felt v much like something he was saying to manipulate archie into taking the lead/doing something stupid
(the dark circle)

Rachel: and how is V so in the dark and so complicit with all of this???
she doesn’t see how this is Very Problematic

CC: smdh @ v in every episode

Jenny: yeah she is super not looking out for archie
she’s been in a p bad way for a While now
i hope next week is about how she really wants to patch things up w betty

CC: and then actually makes an attempt
instead of being like, “i am doing crimes, but for good reasons, ok???”

Jenny: yes
couples mani-pedis
and also standing up to her parents

CC: at this point i bet she stands up to her parents and archie is like
finally, u can adopt me without making things weird
://////

Jenny: oof
i mean
yeah
yikes

CC: what i am saying is, v will change her mind about going down with this ship before archie does

Jenny: i could really see that happening

Rachel: I hope it does
and it’ll be a rude awakening for archikins

CC: this is kind of on another subject but
what do y’all think about the serpents becoming essentially chaotic superheroes

Jenny: i’m kind of surprised that jug was able to rally them in such a show of force

CC: if they are unwilling to VOTE FOR JUGHEAD for student body president why are they willing to threaten murderers for betty on his behalf but okay

Rachel: I guess cause the stakes were higher??
literal murderers

CC: I think sweet pea secretly likes to be persuaded into doing things

Rachel: he just wants people to work for it

Jenny: also, i mean, the police force in this town hasn’t been super on top of things?
so i think it’s a good thing — at least narratively, at least for the drama

Rachel: that’s true

Jenny: i’m p on board with just calling in the serpents to shut down blackmailers/other plot lines i don’t want to bother watching play out
like
chuck starts talking about his comics career
call in the serpents
hal
call in the serpents

CC: archie starts talking
call in the serpents

Rachel: now that Alice is back with the serpents, I’m ready for this to be the serpents show

CC: YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA
are y’all ready for final thoughts?

Jenny: almost
before we get to final thoughts
i want to wrap up the blackmailers thing just by saying: chic is gone now?
is that what’s happening?

Rachel: I mean, I doubt it
seems unlikely

CC: also like
there’s no way he didn’t tip off the cops
I bet he comes for alice next
what a lil shit

 

 

Jenny: oh that’s going to suck

Rachel: he’s playing some game for sure

CC: chick is good at fake crying

Jenny: honestly i hate this kid
“i was trying to help”
my ass

Rachel: I mean, when that’s the first thing you say when you walk in
you know you’ve fucked up

CC: can confirm; have walked into a room saying “I was trying to help” before
I mean to be fair, if he was actually trying to help, he probably would have said “I was JUST trying to help” but I know that is just semantics

Rachel: well I vote Chic off the island
and out of our lives

Jenny: yeah no way he didn’t cut himself in on that 10 grand
seconded

CC: i feel like chic is not smart enough not to start shit with people he knows can thoroughly hide a body
good luck chump!

Jenny: so, final thoughts?

Rachel: my final thought is, these murders nuns are not going to hurry for anybody
just walking threateningly in a pack

Jenny: running is for nerds

CC: and deviants

Jenny: lol yeah — running is for deviants

CC: my final thought is: I am So Hyped about Alice’s new serpent makeover because I’m counting on one
every time Alice resolves to do anything she follows it up with a Look so I for one am hyped

Jenny: yeah she needs another slow motion entrance — it’s been too long since the last one
my final thought is:

 

 

Jenny: in jug’s voice over right at the beginning, he refers to himself (and archie/betty/veronica) as cheryl’s friend
and that made me really happy

CC: to be fair tho, reggie is also there and he is nobody’s friend

Jenny: lol
yes, fair

CC: BUT I think this coming from jug, during what is maybe cheryl’s darkest hour
indicates that he thinks of himself as her friend
i mean I’ll take it!

Jenny: right??!
it’s important to me that people be friends w cheryl

Rachel: it’s very sweet and I love it
she needs to know that people care about her

CC: cheryl for student body president 2018

Jenny: YES

CC: (sorry rachel)

Rachel: (it’s ok, I’m voting for her too)
(especially if she burns all the garbage in this town to the ground)

CC: what a campaign promise; I’m sold

 

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.