Riverdale Roundtable #8: “House of the Devil”

Blood is thicker than maple syrup.

December 13, 2017 at 11:23 am

Welcome to Riverdale Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about all the drama and sexy intrigue from last week’s Riverdale — just in time to get you up-to-speed for tonight’s episode. Today we’re talking about Season 2 Episode 8: “House of the Devil.” Swim with us through these jingle-jangle-and-snake infested waters; join us in this Sad, Mad World.

Please note: this recap includes Extreme Spoilers for this episode, as well as the entirety of Season One. We warned you!!


Jenny: i’d like to start by saying that this episode was bullshit, but there was one redeeming dynamic

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- MY GOD!!! MY GODDDD!!!!!

 

CC: truly we are definitely getting closer to FP and alice boning on top of that car

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- she came right then, in anticipation

 

Jenny: her face
it’s all happening

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- who's "Hal"?

 

Jenny: gonna pick him up from jail
then gonna PICK HIM UP

CC: 😉
plus, her Outfit for the “retirement party”

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- so glad she got another slow-motion entrance

 

CC: 3/4ths of the way 2 gettin it

Jenny: i’d like to start a petition
every episode needs a slow-motion entrance from madchen
this was honestly right up there w the snake necklace fundraiser look

Rachel: I love how little pushing she needed to show up in the most extra outfit she had

Jenny: she’s an inspiration

CC: i love how she goes from “oh, south side serpents i couldn’t possibly” to “who wants tequila??”

Jenny: lolololololol
truly

CC: i think my most pressing question now is, why did she leave
this is the happiest i think we’ve ever seen her

Jenny: pregnancy

Rachel: hal
the answer is hal because Hal ruins everything

Jenny: but the greater question:
why fuck hal when you could fuck fp?

CC: I KNOW
on a srs note: maybe his alcoholism?????

Jenny: seems reasonable
crime?

Rachel: well also he has Mrs. Jones
Jug’s mom

Jenny: that too
or some petty teen nonsense

CC: maybe alice didn’t feel comfortable saying “i love you” yet and FP broke up with her

Jenny: UGH

CC:😬

Rachel: godddDDDDD

CC: look i will say it one more time before the jury
alice and fp are my #2 endgame OTP
it’s messy as hell and i love it

Rachel: amen

Jenny: #2 after cat puppet/jinglejangle?

CC: #1 being THE LOVE THAT DARES NOT SPEAK ITS NAME

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- ICONS

 

Jenny: def
DEF

CC: look i think it is no accident that the otp straight couples break up after v drops that very gay allusion and i don’t care how many archie ab shots we get, i want 2 believe

Rachel: wait what was V’s gay allusion???

CC: whoop let me delete this now that I uh, read about the quote more than i ever had before
sorry to waste all of our time but i had no idea this was not just about oscar wilde being gay; guess i needed 2 pay more attention in class

Rachel: oh!

Jenny: oh no
not just gay?
also pedophilia?
is that what we’re saying?

CC: apparently!!! i had no idea
thanks, wikipedia

Jenny: maybe the writers on riverdale also had no idea
maybe they also just thought gay

Rachel: yeah that would be my guess

CC: i have only ever heard that poem quoted when referring to historically closeted queer folks so, idk

Jenny: i mean look
if that’s its common usage i guess new meanings develop as things are taken from one context to another context
like how “blood is thicker than water” is about how you should be loyal to family before all others
but the original is
“the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”
like found family
and honoring responsibilities in a community

CC: true, true
so, as much as I want to believe in my otps, I do think that all the breakups in this episode were dumb.

Jenny: they were
honestly
archie
GOD

CC: 1: archie: “i know you aren’t comfortable saying this now so say it whenever you want.” v: “okay! I am not ready yet.” archie: “GOD U SELFISH PIECE OF JINGLE JANGLE WHY CANT U SAY IT”

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- you're doing so well!

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- fuck right off

 

CC: HE WAS SO CLOSE

Jenny: men ruin everything

CC: he was 3 brains in to the ascending brain meme, only to have it all come crashing down

Jenny: when he took responsibility for his feelings and didn’t pressure her i was SO PROUD OF HIM
and then he fucked it up!
SO BAD!
and also!
MAD WORLD IS THE WORST KARAOKE SONG EVER
why would he pick that

CC: THAT SCENE WAS FUCKING BANANAS
EVERY PART OF IT
what was his goal??? that they would do a sweet and loving duet of the sad ass song from baby’s first poignant film experience???

Jenny: it’s the worst karaoke song, but it is somehow even worse than worst as a song to strip to??????

CC: ALSO HOW DID SHE PLAN THAT

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- absolutely terrible

 

Jenny: YOUR MOM DROVE YOU HERE BETTY
WHAT ARE YOU DOING???
SHE’S IN THE AUDIENCE
YOUR MOM

CC: i am impressed she did that sober tbh i can barely sing to the eagles sober
let alone strip in front of rowdy strangers to a sad ass song

Rachel: this part was so painful!!!!
Jug’s face was my face
“oh nooooooooooo”

CC: FP putting the coat on her was all of us in that moment

Jenny: honestly

Rachel: thanks Serpant Dad

Jenny: he was so good this ep

CC: “i think it’s kind of funny and i think it’s kind of sad” – an apt caption for essentially this whole scene, except it was mostly sad
FP was definitely killin it. I knew i missed him but i didn’t realize how much until that scene with him and madchen 60% ready 2 bone
also, FP Jones: army dad AND motorcycle dad??? who knew.

Jenny: when he talks about AA

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- the PINKY

 

Jenny: this smug ass pinky

Rachel: hell yeah

CC: diner dad
the new hottest diner dad
sorry luke

Jenny: i mean yeah
fp had that little cuffed sleeve, the dumb little hat
better than flannel
in this instance

CC: so, i understand why fp got back into the serpents
and i understand his drive to protect jug
BUT
i did not think that meant he needed to immediately start drinking again
like, all things considered, the serpents are a pretty considerate group for also being a bunch of shady criminals
i feel like, he didn’t necessarily need to start taking shots?
i am worried for him is what i am saying

Jenny: i agree

Rachel: I am too
is he going to stop working at Pops?
is he going to stop wearing that very cute uniform?????

CC: say it isn’t so ;__;

Jenny: maybe if he opened up to tall boy a little, fp would get a little support and tallboy would finally feel included and maybe stop being such an ass

CC: if the serpents can put a lawyer thru college they can definitely fund the first south side serpent therapist

Jenny: that’s what this show needs though
that’s what all these characters need

CC: ugh, including! veronica
jeez when she was talking to her mom about how her parents never said “i love you” to each other i feel like
oh u poor kid; that’s really hard
to make a leap like that when it’s something you don’t see in your life

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- maybe bring that up in the next family therapy session

 

Jenny: VERONICA! who used to see someone, and just what? hasn’t? since coming to riverdale?? after all the shit she’s been dealing w here???

CC: maybe there just aren’t any therapists in riverdale

Jenny: that’s why the town is such shit
and no one seems capable of understanding emotion
no therapists

CC: i guess we haven’t talked about the black hood stuff yet but
i just don’t care anymore

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- lazy fucking writing

 

Jenny: it’s dumb

CC: we’re all the black hood; oh well; MORE FP, PLEASE

Rachel: why does anybody even live in Riverdale!
everybody should move!
shut it down

Jenny: lug those cameras over to greendale instead!!
we’re ready!!

CC: what this town needs is
more witches

Jenny: speaking of
i know cheryl is being manipulative and indescribably unhealthy
but also
flirting w girls is hard and she does not know what she’s doing and i think a lot of highschool kids/people in general can relate to that

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- listen: flirting w girls is hard

 

Jenny: like she v clearly had a plan
a horrible horrible plan
v clearly did not go the way she thought it would when she was ordering another pig’s heart and sketching them making out

CC: i am sure that while the pig heart part wouldn’t have worked well regardless, the massage would have landed better had she been flirting with any of the dumb boys of riverdale
except maybe jughead who is not as easily distracted as, say, archie

Jenny: right
and that’s all she knows
dumb boys
like she’s being terrible but alos my heart goes out to her

CC: i feel bad for cheryl but i resent this plotline

Jenny: YES
exactly that

CC: i never want 2 harbor a grudge against cheryl!!!! she just has had so much to deal with

Jenny: SAME!!
also
are we ready for final thoughts?

CC: yeah! my final thought is: the most hilarious part of the karaoke scene was the serpents booing when veronica and archie stormed off the stage

Jenny: now that’s what i find kinda funny

CC: like LOOK man i came out here to see two sad teens work out their relationship differences through sad late 90s / early aughts tunes and honestly i am feeling so let down right now

Jenny: lolol
sweetpea specifically
the camera zoomed in on sweetpea’s booing and i’d like to think that he’s v invested in karaoke as performance art
making up passions for these side characters is what keeps me going when all the show gives me is sad teens being unreasonable

CC: i mean this episode really demonstrated that sweet pea contains multitudes
agreeing with jughead’s vision for the serpents, booing at karaoke
still waters run deep

Jenny: truly
i think my takeaway
is that if i had a daughter i think i would also want her to be w someone who is
brawny and devoted to her

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- get you a man who can do both

 

Jenny: the lodges making some sound points

CC: really isn’t that what every parent wants

Jenny: get you a man who can do both
be both brawny and devoted to you
i think i’m still v frustrated by riverdale’s ever-changing topography
like,
polly was going to a farm “upstate”
i think there was some mention of vermont
but then there was this shit

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- where the fuck is this town supposed to be???

 

Jenny: like is that mt. ranier?
what is going on?
ALSO

 

Riverdale Roundtable 8 House of the Devil -- V does not deserve this anguish

 

Jenny: we all slid off the board and into free fall
and FP/Alice rises from those ashes
mixing metaphors
but also i do not care

CC: jughead’s teen writing really was the embellishment this episode needed tho
from “archie was the opposite of death (because sex, obviously)” to that mixed snakes and ladders metaphor
he was really nailing the sad teen xanga vibe in this, the year 2017

Jenny: i mean look these writers probably peaked in their sad teen xanga years

CC: god bless


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Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.