Welcome to Romance Roundtable: a feature where the editorial POME Crones gather together to discuss Romance media of all kinds. Today we’re covering the final three episodes of Bridgerton Season 1: Netflix’s most delightfully indulgent new regency romance. Get ready, y’all, because we’re finally, definitely about to learn How Babby Is Formed. Also in this installment: so many bees.
Jenny: where the first bridgerton roundtable covered the gross old man arc, and the second covered the egg prince, this third bridgerton roundtable covers episodes 6-8, daphne and simon’s marriage.
Rachel: which is full of sex and also very problematic actions
CC: Jenny I love the beautiful POME butt censor
Jenny: they are very horny for each other
Rachel: so happy for two people who are good at boning immediately
Ashley: GIRL okay for real
i am frankly shocked at how well daphne fucks on her first go round lololol
also let us briefly describe the butts for our readers since they can’t see them. i would call them very dignified, proper butts
nothin wild, nothin porny. just respectable
Jenny: fancy rich boy butts
Rachel: yes! the horny levels in this show are very tasteful imo
people are having a good time
Jenny: tasteful close ups
Ashley: such class
CC: look as much as I am here for this married couple enjoying each others’s company, I do love everyone who Works Here giving them the side-eye
Ashley: this guy is SWEATING when the duke pulls daphne’s gloves off
CC: “am i….do i need to stay here??? should i go grab some smokes or????”
“am i on the clock right now or not”
Jenny: lol v much the “do i actually need to deliver that message, my lord” when they’re fighting at the dinner table and won’t direct each other directly
one summer I worked at a dunkin donuts
and more than at any other job I’ve ever had
I had to deal with couple shenanigans
I would be happy to sell your boyfriend these donut holes but I am not paid enough to wink suggestively at this joke
Ashley: AH hahahaha
CC: BUT that is not what is happening here, and I’m sure this is a breath of fresh air after the previous duke
Ashley: that’s actually an interesting point… i like how these episodes brought a little depth to simon’s dad. like he was an extremely shitty dad but apparently a pretty good landlord!
probably an ornery boss tho
Jenny: certainly better than the steward who tripled the rents and then fucked off
Rachel: i mean the standards for landlords are so low
Jenny: it’s true
Ashley: BRO!!! how much time has passed, like how did he even manage to do that????
Jenny: i think anthony says somewhere that it’s been a year since his father died? and simon was raking around europe
so that plus the season i think would be a little over a year
Ashley: ahhh, okay! that makes more sense, i thought it was like a couple months
poor daphne, she really was doing her best to be like, a cool noble / landlady
CC: sometimes you really do just gotta pick a pig
Ashley: otherwise you end up with 30-50 feral hogs and a potential minor revolution
CC: so this housekeeper tho
W H A T I S H E R D E A L
Jenny: in love with the dead dutchess, i think it must be — a very rebecca situation
Ashley: YES jenny i was thinking the same
they went for that mrs. danvers flavor
CC: if they make her in love with the old duke i’m gonna be so mad
would not spark joy, no thanks
Ashley: EW no thanks
Jenny: surely not
i think she admits that the old duke was kind of an ass when she explains that simon grew up alone
Ashley: doubtful based on her being like, “look, i’m pretty sure simon’s dad was shooting blanks”
Rachel: well i can safely say that we will probably never see the hastings household again lol
if the books are anything to go by
CC: oh dang so do the books really just move on
like “you got your baby, you got your wedding, what more do you people want from me”???
Rachel: oh for sure, the bridgertons are the center of these stories
so any future stuff happens at bridgerton house in london or aubrey hall in the country
which is like, their main country home
god i hate that i know this lol
Ashley: they have a country home????? i mean of course they do lol but WHAT
CC: thank u for being our subject matter expert
Rachel: i do this for y’all (and for my mom)
Ashley: so should we talk about… the controversial scene in ep 6???
Rachel: yes definitely
CC: yeah we probably should
just get into the discourse
Rachel: so in summary, basically, Daphne kind of figures out how the birds and bees actually probably DO work
CC: at long last L O L
Ashley: we have reached…. babbyform
CC: baby: formed
conceptually and also literally
Rachel: and that Simon pulling out might be a purposeful thing and not a sign of his “affliction” as she assumes
this is a case where both parties are doing shitty things — Simon has lied to Daphne and misled her because he knows she’s ignorant
Daphne purposefully prevents him from pulling out to test her theory
Ashley: oh that broke my heart
Jenny: yeah he says stop and she doesn’t
it was ROUGH
Rachel: yeah it was not good
CC: this whole episode just made me eternally grateful to grow up in a time where I could learn what an ovum is before my wedding night
CC: I am not excusing daphne here but man she really has no idea what this whole situation is
by this whole situation I mean for all she knows he could literally be filled with bees
“does that hurt?” “yes, because i am filled with bees”
Rachel: bzz bzz
to the bee point though!!
there’s this bee motif — on benny’s collar, but also there are bumblebees everywhere!
Ashley: i don’t get its significance in the show, but it’s usually understood as a symbol of royalty
napoleon really liked them
Rachel: OH WAIT
I can explain
or at least speculate
i thought maybe like gossip = pollination??
CC: professor weiss pls teach us
Rachel: it’s a weird choice honestly, because the Bridgerton father was killed suddenly by an allergic reaction to a bee
and it haunts his children
Ashley: O M F GGGGGG
CC: LMAO WHAT
Ashley: I CAN’T OMG
I HATE THAT
Rachel: LOL y’all
yeah!!! Daphne never mentions it in her book but it is like CORE to Anthony’s long suffering
Ashley: oh good god
CC: have they ever like
mentioned that in the show????
Rachel: no i don’t think so!
Jenny: definitely no
CC: what a weird thing to tease out for future seasons
Ashley: this brings SO much more to the scene where daphne declines to collect honey from the beehive
Jenny: oh man!!! yeah!!
Ashley: she is pretty chill about it for her father having been murdered by one, gotta say
Rachel: i know in Anthony’s book, he talks about how he is terrified of bees when it comes to other people, but he like taunts them for himself
Ashley: wait rachel what do you mean he taunts them? like he tries to get in a fight with a bee and then chickens out at the last second…. ?
Rachel: LOL i mean when he sees a bee, he’s like “hey FUCK YOU bee, i DARE you to sting me” and like doesn’t back down
but when a bee stings his love interest, he FREAKS
Ashley: wow that boy really needs like, a job
Rachel: yeah and therapy
anyway, that’s my hypothesis about the bee motifs
CC: this is a bad omen for these bridgertons
as we all know….
bees are an important part of climbing the social ladder
CC: I really feel like this bee revelation has stunned me into silence LMAO
Jenny: honestly same
the Jupiter Ascending connection fully blew my mind
CC: hashtag synergy baybee
but uh, i guess the other thing that was going on in these episodes was Marina?
CC: omg yeah
CC: oh man so yall wanna just spoil something right out the gate?
idk if we can talk about marina without talking about
AKA gossip crone
I CALLED IT
CC: yeah nailed it rachel, for real
Rachel: fwiw, they don’t reveal this until book 4
so interesting choice to reveal it so early
Jenny: i do want to poke one small hole
my question here is
how could lady “congratulations and stamina to the happy couple” whistledown be one in the same as penelope “how are babbies made” featherington??
CC: i mean like
i wrote a lot of fanfiction in 7th grade that had a lot of suggestive winking in it
but if you asked me what any of it meant
i would have just shrugged LOL
Jenny: LOL i mean that is A Take
CC: stamina……to stay up until 11:30pm at a sleep over
how is babby formed? from belly button, naturally
if you swallow a pumpkin seed
Jenny: stamina…to run through fields of wildflowers towards each other in slow motion
CC: stamina…..to stare into each others’ eyes for like ten minutes without blinking
Jenny: probably wasn’t anticipating this 3MINUTE LONG SEX MONTAGE
Ashley: i am so glad you brought this up because it was bothering me so much
CC: love that they went on location to a graveyard
v mary shelley
although CC that’s a graveyard??? i thought it was a love temple!!
Jenny: gotta respect the commitment
but back to our girl Pen
she’s trying and trying to convince marina not to ensnare colin, because he is a good boy and penelope loves him and he deserves to e with someone who loves and wants him, regardless of circumstance, but marina persists because she feels it is her only option
like, penelope tries talking to colin about it
Jenny: and she tries talking to marina about it
Jenny: she even discovers that the letter that broke marina’s heart was a forgery and that the father of her child is still out there, presumably, loving her and wanting to be with her
Jenny: the heartbreak
Jenny: but even that doesn’t really do it!
even that doesn’t convince pen to betray this secret!!
it’s not until she learns of their plans to ELOPE
to GRETNA GREEN
Ashley: i know this reference because of jane austen
Jenny: very same
Ashley: i think it’s like england’s niagara falls
i had to google it! apparently marriage laws were not as strict in scotland and this was the first town on the other side of the border along the main road
so english couples would go off to get married in a haste
Jenny: like how you go to vegas to elope bc the paperwork is set up for that there
CC: “gretna green: come for your marriage, stay for the slightly more efficient bureaucracy”
Jenny: but once colin finds out about this, and talks to marina, and marina tells him that she holds him in great esteem (but does not love him), he gets a little cruel imo
Jenny: like, keep that shit to yourself man — she has got to feel bad enough already at this point
Rachel: yeah, although i think as a spurned/betrayed partner i would also have a hard time not leaning into some level of petty barb
Jenny: oh i mean very same
Rachel: idk it’s shitty when your life is still fine though
and hers is ruined
Ashley: i mean, that’s def a bit mean and i feel SO bad for marina but like, he almost got tricked into a sham marriage
“sham” meaning he thought they were passionately in love and they’re not
CC: reddit’s greatest fear
Jenny: LOL GOD
i mean, at least marina ends up with a surprising ally in daphne
Jenny: daphne uses her duchess clout to track down a lowly soldier
Rachel: yes!! love to see women support other women when literally no one else will
CC: surprising that daphne’s assistance was actually helpful
I fully expected it to backfire but good for you daphne!
Ashley: yeah, this was daphne’s finest moment imo
CC: got to go to that SICK mom party to gather intel too
Ashley: OMG THE WIFE PARTY
Rachel: basically all the ladies who know how babby is formed
Ashley: and who have the money to make hearts or cribbage or whatever very interesting!!!
CC: to be a fly on the wall of that party tho
the hottest of hot goss
either way i’m so in
Ashley: honestly in terms of divided-sex social gathering we really went downhill from here to like, mary kay
down with mlm, up with dens of iniquity
Jenny: only a global pandemic is stopping us from bringing this back
CC: me & the gals once we’re all vaccinated
Jenny: sign me up
Rachel: plus karaoke machine
CC: SERIOUSLY the only thing this party needs is a wine mom belting out an adele song
well maybe not
seems like a mood killer
Jenny: it would work if she had a string quartet backing her
fit into the theme
old timey karaoke
CC: ooh good call
Ashley: we got the unmarried equivalent at the pre-whistledown engagement dinner
Jenny: OH SPEAKING OF
Jenny: such a small thing but i do genuinely enjoy when they do this — where people with mediocre talents are still forced to compete/perform/show off
feels very humanizing
like, no — not everyone sang like a nightingale
we’re all just people
CC: GOD i’m glad I didn’t need to demonstrate my ability to sing in public in order to meet my spouse
and completely sober?
no thank u
that and basic sex ed
really selling me on modern times
CC: birth control that isn’t made out of sheep guts
like: we live in hell but I’m v grateful for modern convenience
i mean, plan b ALONE
CC: oh man I can’t believe we’re already nearly at the end bc I feel like so much else happened during these episodes
this isn’t to strongarm us on task, there’s just
this is just like, nearly boys over flowers level of content density here in these episodes
Ashley: honestly it’s CRAZY how much they pack into to every episode
Jenny: yeah did we mention that the soldier daphne tracks down for marina is THE WRONG ONE
because the one she wants is dead!
Ashley: to be fair, yeah, the correct one is no more
CC: second best brother
Jenny: and she has to confront the part of herself that could ever have lost faith in him!
but the brother
he really seems to be trying to do the right thing
Rachel: ahhh this was so sad
cannot imagine falling in love, getting pregnant, your lover dying, and then marrying his brother
because you have to
Ashley: it was honestly like, shockingly generous of him
Jenny: yeah!! but i did really like the way it all brought marina and milf featherington to some mutual respect and understanding
marina is so strong!!
perhaps even moreso than her!
Jenny: marina who can sniff out the modiste’s bullshit
CC: and we know milf featherington is strong enough to hold up the girls all day!!!! so that’s saying a lot!
Jenny: it’s true!!
CC: also let the modiste live & scam rich people
good for her, i say
Ashley: HARD AGREE
modiste is a gem
Ashley: not her fault everyone is a classist jerk, unless you have a french accent
CC: oh hey one last thing I think we should probably talk about
while we’re on the subject of milf featherington
RIP mr. featherington
Jenny: and good riddance!
Ashley: don’t hit the door on your way out!!!!
CC: the CASKET door bc ur dead!!!!
Jenny: only dislike that it complicates things for milf featherington
Rachel: and for penelope :disappointed:
CC: and cheese lad!!!
Ashley: HONESTLY i can’t believe they left us with the featherington cliffhanger but revealed whistledown?????
Jenny: i mean, maybe if they can secure cheese lad before this mysterious new inheritor comes in??
completely topsy turvy
CC: cheese lad come thru
Ashley: cheese lad is in it for the long haul, i believe in him
Jenny: i def agree that they revealed whistledown too soon
but also, like, whistledown is (supposedly) raking it in, charging for these scandal sheets
surely there could be some respite??
Ashley: she is not tho, they’re free!!!!
Rachel: oh in the book, they START free but then she starts charging
because she is savvy as hell
CC: good for her
monetize that content kid
Ashley: oh i see
freemium model, smart
Rachel: she gets them hooked and then gets those coins
Jenny: oh yeah in the first ep, they say that the first sheet is free but they charge for all the others
Ashley: OH AHA, i missed that
CC: penny, more like fat stacks of cash!!!
those broadsheet plates don’t come cheap
Jenny: i think the only other thing that mainly happens is anthony’s relationship w big tiddie opera gf totally implodes
Jenny: he tries to change her lifestyle and she dumps him bc he’s unreliable
Ashley: this storyline was utter nonsense to me
Jenny: i mean, it sounds like (from what rachel’s said?) that it’s one that they fully made up
but also, like, he makes great promises but has already let you down once; so it’s dump him or let yourself believe and be disappointed over and over again
Rachel: Yes! there’s an opera lady whose name is not Siena that is mentioned as a previous lover in book 2
so this opera lady is entirely fictional, one assumes
Ashley: yeah, totally. i mean it’s shocking to me that she even stuck around after the breakup bang in the bleachers
Jenny: that was a great scene though
and i do like how much she throws him around
Ashley: it was good!!! she shoulda just deleted his number after that tho
Jenny: but now season 2 is all set up
Rachel: they better find someone who is very endearing to the audience
because Anthony as a character is hard to empathize with
Ashley: she has to have a big enough personality for the both of them
Jenny: oof yea
Rachel: i’m so curious if they’re going to give him the same belief that he’ll be dead at 38 because that’s how old his dad was when he died
or if they’re like….. that seems…. like not a real thing
Ashley: oh my GOD
can we get an F in the chat
my worst ex also had these kind of thoughts
Jenny: i kind of hope now
CC: ask not for whom the bees buzz
they buzz for u baby!!!!
well, with that, final thoughts??
last thoughts for Bridgerton?
CC: at least until our predictions next week L O L
Jenny: i’ve got one!
i think ashley has touched on this before, but i really liked that the wedding came right in the middle of the season — so it was really like the beginning of a new arc, instead of a happily ever after, necessarily
Jenny: bc the real season arc was building up to this moment
i’m not sure that they had actually said ‘i love you’ before this?
and it was nice to see that prioritized in the story over marriage
Rachel: i think just “i burn for you” which is not the same thing
Jenny: yea–like we get it. you’re horny
nice to have both horniness and love
Rachel: yeah!! especially in a setting where marriage is so transactional!
Jenny: and theirs especially! so separate from love with both of them thinking at their wedding that they had trapped the other
Ashley: fully agree though, it was really cool to turn the regency trope on its head and make marriage just the conclusion of the first (or second i guess) act
scratched a 200 year old itch
Jenny: yeah — felt fresh, i guess
ok for my final thought
Rachel: i wanna know what song you are angrily playing piano to when you are mad at your SO
Ashley: oooooooooooo brilliant
i think Torn
it is my #1 karaoke song so i gotta use it here
Ashley: mine is trouble by taylor swift and i just bang my whole arm on the keys when she goes “WOAH”
CC: ok so my final thought
was going to be something more sophisticated about how this show uses costuming and colors to alienate the featheringtons from the rest of the tonne BUT my screenshots of this turned out super low quality
my one and only final thought
lol look at this goofy face baby; i love it
Rachel: glad that the Hastings are embracing naming their children alphabetically
Jenny: a very nice family tradition
Ashley: awwwww yes!!! i was like, oh wow they actually got a new-type baby that still looks alien!
and the naming was corny but lik,e in a good way
i got emotional with mom bridge at the birth when simon says that to her
Rachel: “new-type baby”
Ashley do you mean an infant?????
Ashley: HAHAHAAHAHA oh sure yea
i am clearly the non-babby-havingest of them all
plucked right out of the cabbage patch
still in that baby yoda stage
that’s how you know it’s baby
if it looks like baby yoda
Ashley: precisely! important! the world needs to know that the brand-new ones are WEIRD LOOKING
Rachel: omg i think i just made the cabbage patch connection – do people say that because baby faces look all wrinkly??? like a cabbage?????
Jenny: maybe it’s that, but i think it’s mostly that they don’t want to talk about sex
Ashley: we’re peeling back so many layers of the babby formation onion
i’m just gonna nip this in the bud with my final thought, which is:
Eloise and Penelope OTP. they already changed so much of the books so LET’S DO THIS
eloise can get a special license from the queen to wear pants and then it’s ON
Jenny: god i really do just want to see it
Rachel: sigh i hope so
we deserve this
Ashley: WE REALLY DO
WE ALL DO
Join us next time for even more love story shouting in our next Romance Roundtable! In the meantime, check out our Patreon for just a few bonus goofs that didn’t make it into today’s roundtable, as a treat.