Welcome back to Romance Roundtable: Bridgerton Edition, or as we like to call it, the “Uncut Gems of Romance.” This week we’re all a-buzz about Papa Bridgerton’s untimely demise, death croquette, and the joy of getting absolutely zooted in the middle of nowhere. And of course, be warned: spoilers for the first four episodes of Bridgerton Season 2 lie ahead!
Ashley: let’s go!
Jenny: the theme of this week: bbc’s escape to the country
Ashley: is that a real bbc show?
Jenny: lol yes
Jenny: but this time
bee bee bee’s escape to the country
CC: I really appreciate that the whole “going to the country” arc was resolved within two episodes
v convenient for our recapping purposes
Jenny: that’s actually one of my only real complaints about this season vs. last season
last season felt really tight–like 3 acts, very straightforward
more arcs, resolution a little slapdash; maybe trying to do too much
Rachel: dear reader, i hope you are prepared
for the bee puns
Ashley: always bee punning
CC: so if I was gonna summarize these two episodes
my summary would be
CC: I bet you’re wondering how I ended up like this
Ashley: i mean… pretty much
proposing to the sister of the woman i’m in love with. well, it’s a funny story
god this was painful
Ashley: his haunted eyes and forced smile make him look like the crunchiest reaction image
CC: i mean we get to know the whole deal
from his surprisingly well worn “29 year old” father’s untimely demise to this uh, ominous proposal
also lol yes agreed
Rachel: watching this proposal happen is what propelled me to watch all the kissing parts of the rest of the season
i just needed to know
re: the pacing comment jenny made earlier – the chaos of this season definitely propelled me forward in a way last season didn’t
last season i would be like, okay here’s a nice stopping point
this season was like, the Uncut Gems of romance
“what are you do – WHAT ARE YOU DOING????”
Jenny: lol i mean, when you put it that way…
CC: I kept yelling the same thing!!!
you’re 27-to-29 years old!!!!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
this is some 23 year old romantic ineptitude party fouls all around
but also: times were different and ALSO I am forcing myself not to watch ahead LOL
so I don’t know where things go from here!
Ashley: you are stronger than the poisonous man-killing sting of a bee, CC
Rachel: well it’s a safe bet to assume smooching happens at some point
Jenny: you’re doing this rountable a service by keeping your perspective pure
but also yes the man-killing bee
the plotline i thought was lost from 2020
does anyone else remember that? from like, may 2020? a new species of man-killing bee?
was it a fever dream?
the escape to the country arc opens up with: 10 years earlier (the origins of anthony’s daddy issues)
i am SO curious about allergy science at this time but too lazy to google it
like… when did it become possible to survive a fatal allergy attack? (i know for sure that someone probably wouldn’t die quite THAT fast but no one needs 20 minutes of a man gasping for air)
Jenny: oh yeah he went IMMEDIATELY into the like, zombie makeup
CC: how did this family line survive this long with such a glaring achilles heel, is what i want to know
i know they’re not like, necessarily ALL allergic to bees but still
Jenny: that’s why they have so many kids
it’s a numbers game
CC: yeah that checks out
Ashley: they definitely did not talk (in these eps at least) about how the Bee Murder started anthony’s superstition, so it seems like… he assumes that he will be killed… by a bee?
Jenny: i have to hope that anthony’s “i’m going to die at 38 bc that’s when my father died” superstition was cut by these showrunners to make room for better things
def i don’t think it exists within the text of the adaptation
Rachel: lol i think that’s what happened
i think what it is, is that he saw how much his mother suffered, and he didn’t want to do that to another woman
like, being in love to that extent
that if something bad happens, he would leave someone like that
Jenny: yeah–that honestly made WAY more sense as an explanation
Jenny: and that scene was nice
Jenny: so stubborn but about this thing that is good and makes good sense to you
Ashley: hahaha oh yes, very very earth sign
it totally makes sense as a motivation but i’m also like,,,, man can’t you see how being your wife’s roommate would cause the same amount of pain in slow motion???
Jenny: no he cannot; it has not occurred to him and so it does not exist
Ashley: i guess he does (fairly) assume that their marriage would be typical of the era, and more businesslike
Jenny: so the country visit — they bridgertons are throwing a big party, but they’ve invited the sharma’s out early for quality time
CC: ; )
if you know what we mean
(chaperoned visits and outdoor party games baybeeeee)
Jenny: yes very
and the main activity is death croquet
Rachel: i know we’ve talked about the chemistry this family has
Rachel: but nothing is more endearing to me than seeing siblings bully each other in a made up sport
and also seeing Kate get in out it
Jenny: not just kate!
i also really loved this moment
Jenny: lady danbury cheering on eloise
Jenny: so nice!
can’t wait to see how the two of them interact when we get to eloise’s season
CC: honestly if lady danbury cheers you on how could you possibly lose
Jenny: it’s true
Ashley: blessed by queen crone herself
Jenny: it’s her blessing and not any superstition over croquet mallets that will bring victory
Jenny: but also daphne does win
CC: look: 100% agreed over crone’s blessings and all
but while we’re on the subject of eloise though, y’all, i have a confession to make
i do not like eloise!!!!!!
Jenny: oh lol i can see it
CC: maybe it’s bc I too discovered feminism as a teen and i am in this picture and do not like it
honestly yeah, i feel you CC
CC: i just feel like! keep it down over there! people are trying to regency bone! (ie, graze cheeks gracefully with tears in their eyes)
Jenny: in fairness to eloise
when i was her age (in the show), i was doing a lot more of this “i’m not like other girls–what, are you scared of getting your boots muddy, pussy?” bullshit
Rachel: oh same, 100000%
CC: yeah see, i was very much “have u heard of this very cool website feministing dot com???”
(which i think eloise would have been all about if she had been a teen in the mid to late aughts instead)
Jenny: at least eloise is able to stick up for other women
Jenny: when she tells this guy to fuck off when he says she’s not like other girls
CC: like, ok, I agree that she is right to be pissed off about her mom trying to set her up with the spike the punch guy / gatekeeping nerd guy
but at the same time
this was too much and I 100% relate to not knowing what to do if you hand me a baby
CC: like OK KID, WE GET IT but also like I didn’t do some of this same stuff lmao
Rachel: i saw a baby this weekend and had the opposite reaction
“i want to hold that baby”
a thing i actually said
(this was my friend’s baby, not a random baby!!! just for clarity!!!!)
CC: yeah see maybe i’m more of a give-the-baby-a-thumbs-up kind of baby reactor
like, good on you, baby
keep it up
Ashley: here’s my thing about eloise: i think she is very purposefully White Feminist, but within a show that is race-bent and absolutely class semi-unconscious? it’s a very sketchy brew
CC: the comeuppance i feel like she’s getting set up for
i am not ready for it
i am annoyed by but also worried for her
bc if a story w a grumpy and frequently protecting feminist character has one goal its the inevitable comeuppance narrative
Rachel: i think that’s why she is a good Teen Representative
CC: also LOL rachel agreed
Jenny: yes — i do not want to hang out w her, but i am concerned for her — peak teen
Rachel: my hope that her comeuppance is more of a cumeuppance with handsome newsie
CC: L O L L L L L
CC: i feel like with this many kids you can afford for one to run off with a newsie
Jenny: surely! it’s a numbers game!
speaking of children throwing their lives away
[mass effect 2 sovereign voice] this hurts me
CC: lol sorry in advance jenny but: me to pen | me to colin
Jenny: he was having a GRAND time — stressing out about art school, getting absolutely zooted with the boys
CC: so zooted
zooted out of the stratosphere
Jenny: embarrassing himself at family dinner!
Rachel: this was cuuttteeee lol
precious high man
i love a basic-ass high person
Jenny: i mean, that’s REALLY what the country is all about
Ashley: as the resident stoner, i had the too-close-to-home reaction CC had with benedict in this scene
i was like you IDIOT now they’ll KNOW
Jenny: i am in this picture and i do not like it
Jenny: but that’s the beauty of the old times!!
no one knows about colin’s foreign substances
they don’t have that shit here
CC: yeah what are they gonna do, make a law about it
CC: even when they finally do i bet fancy rich people can still do original recipe four loco / absinthe shots in their country mansion whenever they want ¯_(ツ)_/¯
CC: so do you think colin getting zooted had anything to do with his awk ex gf visit?
Jenny: lol yeah speaking of horrible things that these characters do that make us hate ourselves
Rachel: i attribute that to pure dumbness
CC: colin: haha u up
Jenny: top to bottom – unbearable
CC: marina: i am literally married, do you not see this whole ass baby
Ashley: TWO babies
Ashley: YES !!!!
CC: also this guy could be a romantic lead in any bbc masterpiece classic get it marina
Ashley: colin was big yikes but i loved that we got more time with marina, i frankly love her and she killed this scene
Jenny: WAKE UP SHEEPLE (colin)
Jenny: don’t play this what if game!!
Ashley: HAHAHA yeah i get why poor marina was like “UGH” but i thought her hubs was cute
CC: “are you not happy” “colin i literally am the mother of two newborns i have not slept in four months”
Ashley: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEPPPPP
Jenny: we did get 2 good things out of this scene though:
Jenny: this clown
the only good thing he said all day
CC: frankly he doesn’t deserve either of them
Jenny: marina still considers penelope her friend and here she is! setting her girl up!
also like, she’s right
only Penelope could love this absolute dingus as a full human being tbh
CC: you can lead a horse to water and put gas station weed pills in his tea but u can’t make him drink
Jenny: before we really dig into the Romance
i wanted to just briefly mention a couple other side plots
pen suspects that the modiste suspects
Jenny: but luckily the modiste is –what is the meme?– content, hydrated, in her lane?
but then pen kind of bullies/capitalisms the modiste into helping her with whistledown distro
CC: ok i was wondering how this partnership is shaking down
also as wise as pen thought she was in negging the modiste slightly
CC: if the queen didn’t know that whistledown was a dumb baby before
Jenny: yeah honestly!!
that was one of my questions from last time–why did the queen think she would be a youth? why not a mom?
but this gave it away
and my other main sideplot i wanted to talk about
Jenny: “is it not odd to marry one’s cousin?”
it is REGAL
says milf featherington
this whole bullshit thing
new lord f(uckboy) is courting cressida cowper (the pinched blonde); milf f doesn’t want to answer to her, and so contrives for prudence to catch the eye of her own cousin
horrible to watch
plays out exactly as one would suspect
Ashley: sooooooooo awful!!
CC: me throughout this whole plot:
Jenny: but inevitably
Jenny: what if they had just talked to each other!??!?!?
what if he had just taken the olive branch she offered???
Ashley: tbf to milf featherington, she did try, yeah
he fully underestimated her
CC: lmao at joanne the scammer over here
Jenny: it’s true!!
and now they’re all in the shit together
CC: lol. lmao. love it.
CC: that and also my head because I clearly wasn’t thinking when i cut the scheme queen milf out of the action!!!
ok ok but i have so many screenshots of the Romance
i know we’re supposed to be rooting for kate-anthony
but i fully fell in love with edwina
Rachel: she’s so nice!! she doesn’t deserve to be caught between these two dummies!
Jenny: beautiful charming can do no wrong
CC: yeah agreed w both of you
she is absolutely smarter than both of them
in most ways
low perception high intelligence?? idk how d&d stats work
Ashley: low wisdom haha
CC: ooh ty, ty
Jenny: ok but when anthony chickens out of the proposal at dinner….
first of all:
Jenny: couldn’t stand that she wouldn’t look at him while he did it
Ashley: everyone who MATTERS
Jenny: but also
that night, after dinner
Jenny: edwina is having a TIME
she’s blaming herself
and she’s never done anything wrong
not in her entire life
Ashley: she doesn’t deserve any of this!!!
Jenny: i was ready to murder him
CC: me too honestly
Jenny: i don’t care if you’re in love with her sister, you marry this girl and make her happy god damn it
CC: see i genuinely hope they do that thing
where the romantic rival who was never actually gonna end up with the lead
gets written off into a b plot romance that is 1000% sweeter and more fulfilling than the turbulent main romance
she deserves a doting husband who is absolutely head over heels for her
a cheese lad of her own
Jenny: ho ho ho ho well i will not say anything
i am happy for her
CC: NO SPOILERS i am barely hanging on in my restraint lol
Jenny: back on track!
the morning after his failed proposal, he’s taking a walk in the garden with kate in a totally normal non-romantic way
Rachel: his nemesis, or his cupid????
only time will tell!!
CC: his angle or his debil
Jenny: anyway, he has a panic attack
you know how those are actually really sexy???
but they do put their faces really close together and she puts his hand on her chest
“to show that [she] was unharmed!”
not in a sexy way! she swears
CC: every time anthony looks at kate, i feel like he only has one thought in his head
Ashley: i mean who can blame the man
Rachel: it would be my thought too
Jenny: lol or like all those non-boob euphemisms that every 90s movie had for some reason (hocus pocus, encino man, etc)
Ashley: although i will say, my personal preference is for her to behead me with her jawline
Rachel: yes jesus the jawline!!
also drop the skincare routine plz
CC: can this young 29 year old boy and this ageless 27 year old crone find love? only time will tell
L O L
s/o to eloise for asking kate how it feels to be a spinster
but i digress
Jenny: it was nice seeing her bond w kate though — and to actually talk to people
she really needs guidance out of these choppy teen waters
but also maybe kate is not actually very qualified to offer advice to anyone
Rachel: she is definitely compromised
Jenny: incredible susceptible to romance by dare
Jenny: i didn’t even want to go on this stupid hunt but then you said i couldn’t so fuck you i’m coming
CC: oh god, and that poor maid!!!!!
unionize the bridgerton country estate
Jenny: and that, of course, is where we get this absolute CLASSIC recreation:
Jenny: you know how you recreate things you did with your dad but with the girl you’re into
you know how that’s actually very normal
okay tbf i feel like that’s more of a cover
“oh you were turned on? totally not my intention, you see this is how my dad taught me-“
Jenny: lol ok ok i can see that
CC: i don’t think he’s that smart
but that’s just me
Ashley: LOL no true, i think you’re right
the gemini jumped out
CC: “this feels familiar hmmm let’s just push that down and walk it off”
was my read ha ha ha
and also later that night
they have a little dead dad bonding session
CC: in the library during a thunderstorm might i add
Jenny: she talks about how storms make her think about her dad and he admits that his dad was killed by a bee and that’s why (implied) he freaked out earlier
and then they nearly kiss
for the millionth time
CC: i wanna just say one more thing
if anybody was gonna catch them almost smooching in their regency nighties i am glad it was her
Jenny: daphne really delivered on her threat
Rachel: karma is a bitch
good for daphne
CC: imagine having that much power over your annoying sibling
i love this for her
Jenny: the dream
Ashley: ahhhhh hahaha yes, i loved this dynamic SO much
Jenny: to go from this:
Jenny: to this:
Jenny: yes obviously i am in love! but i am GOING to marry her sister
BECAUSE I ALREADY DECIDED
i can’t take in new information!!
i am actually ready for final thoughts now
Rachel: lol ok well here is mine
Rachel: the enemies to lovers dynamic, in a screenshot
Ashley: THAT FACE. that’s ACTING!!!
CC: he’s really good at making Faces
this is kind of a segue, but here is my final thought
me last week, joking about the upcoming bee plotline:
CC: me this week after watching violet sob for her dead husband:
CC: sorry for making fun of your whole deal anthony!!!!
Ashley: incredible, this is art
you should apply to the royal academy
CC: only if i can get absolutely zooted first
Jenny: but speaking of violet’s dead husband
that’s my final thought
Jenny: best role on the whole show
1 day of work and an oil painting of your face
cut the check
CC: do you get to keep the oil painting after the show ends? who else would want it right???
Jenny: i have to assume so!
bc exactly — what else are they going to do with it??
Rachel: i would demand it
Jenny: write it into my contract
Ashley: y’all that’s gotta be one of those prints with like, brushwork looking coating on it
it’s in my contract that it has to be a real oil painting, so….
let me believe
CC: i’m sure that netflix has wasted more money on worse props
Ashley: oh surely
i am going to do something out of character and offer a non-shitposty final thought, which is…
Ashley: hyacinth 😭
Jenny: oh NO
Rachel: oh MAN
i didn’t even CATCH THAT
Jenny: i’m so sad
Ashley: too much
CC: I AM HOOTING AND HOLLERING soberly
Ashley: **** sad cowboy emoji ****
Join us next time for even more love story shouting in our next Romance Roundtable! In the meantime, Monthly Ko-Fi members: head on over to Ko-Fi for just a few bonus goofs that didn’t make it into today’s roundtable, as a treat.