Welcome back to Romance Roundtable: Bridgerton Edition. Join in shouting through the final two episodes of Bridgerton Season 2 as scams, secret identities, and (assorted) Bridgerton brothers are laid bare. And of course, be warned: spoilers for the entirety of Bridgerton Season 2 lie ahead!
CC: yay!! wow, so we finally got to the end of the season!!!
Rachel: and what an ending!!
Jenny: what a finish 😏
Rachel: HO HO HO
Ashley: i am blushing respectfully
Jenny: before we get into that, do we want to summarize? talk through some b plots?
Ashley: MILF FEATHERINGTON
Rachel: HELL YEAH
CC: i’m glad she got it
gotta know when to hold em
gotta know when to fold em
and most of all, gotta know when to let em head back to their defunct ruby mines w their tail tucked between their legs
Rachel: i have never liked her before that moment
Ashley: yeah i feel like i see a lot of folks who read the books being like, “less featherington”
and i get it but that was a fierce moment
Jenny: it was! she was great!
Rachel: honestly, lady featherington is a better character here than she is in the book
[pushes up glasses]
CC: she loves to scam but her kids come first
it’s in her tinder profile even i bet
Jenny: she’s scamming FOR them, not for this asshole
Rachel: vs in the books she’s just like, i am a marriage minded mama and have no other character traits
Ashley: she truly is in fact
scamming for the kids
won’t someone scam for the children????
Jenny: while we’re talking about this asshole though (cousin jack)
i could never get a read on how sincerely he admired lady f
CC: he is looking respectfully
Rachel: honestly i want this to be his true feelings so bad
i choose to believe it
Jenny: i really do too!
CC: rococco simp
Jenny: i can’t tell if he had ulterior motives exclusively or if he was just a somewhat unconvincing actor
maybe a little of both
CC: i feel like he would have scammed her first if he was smart enough BUT
i think he is probably relieved that he was not smart enough
Rachel: i think he loves to be scammed upon
CC: i feel like, he would like to be scammed by a big booba milf
Jenny: you’re right and you should say it
Ashley: i agree
Jenny: before we move on
i think this is a good time to point out/pivot to colin
milf featherington’s elaborate fraud unravels when colin unmasks cousin jack
CC: definitely did not expect him to see through the scam
Jenny: me neither!!
CC: dumbass ex machina
Jenny: but he chooses to confront lord f in private bc of the great esteem in which he holds penelope and her family!
v nice, imo
CC: still laughing my ass at “these poor ladies Featherington” tho
Jenny: LOL truly
he is still a dumbass
Ashley: colin is SO OBLIVIOUS
this actor is very good at being a huge ding dong
in a love to hate em way
Jenny: but when he leads penelope off of the dance floor in order to tell her of his findings
Jenny: my heart did beat
when he decides that after such a dramatic confrontation, the two of them should dance!!
CC: ok, ok are we ready to get into pen / colin now bc like
Jenny: so sweet!!
why is he immediately talking shit
Ashley: he is hetero no-homo-ing her somehow
CC: i literally thought as soon as she ran away he was going to say “how could i court my wife, penelope featherington, who i will marry, as i am very serious”
Rachel: ahhh this happens in the book too
and something that i like about the book
is that she immediately confronts him about it
“well i didn’t ASK you to marry me, did i????”
CC: L M A O WOW
love to be right!!!!!!!!!!
Rachel: i missed that chance to defend herself for pen
there’s not much the books do better than the show, but this was one thing
Ashley: he definitely comes off like such a huge pimple this way!!!!
CC: thank you for doing the due diligence rachel
Jenny: yes our subject matter expert
to be fair, her night was p full up of dramatic confrontation
Rachel: y’all i cannot wait to yell about Eloise’s book with y’all
i am VIBRATING
CC: correspondence straight from the source material omg
Rachel: anyway anyway
something else that is interesting, if y’all wanna pivot to pen/eloise
is that Eloise is the one who discovers Pen’s identity as Whistledown
CC: oh are we getting into THE MAIN PLOT L O L
[cracking all my knuckles]
Rachel: in the book, Colin is the one who figures her out
and i cannot tell you, how gratifying it is that it is Eloise
Jenny: colin is too stupid
much more believable to be eloise
Ashley: literally could never
CC: i guess he did see through the rubies
Rachel: oohhh a good point about the rubies
Jenny: but still
Rachel: but he needed to be tipped off by mondrich
without that tip off, he could never
Jenny: that’s true!!
Ashley: pen is way smoother than cousin jack tho
Jenny: that was such a nice moment btw — between colin and mondrich
interested to see how that develops tbh
CC: i love that the eloise reveal is “i literally never listened to anything you said til now” lol
we start these last two eps with the queen thinking that eloise is whisteldown
Jenny: and so the queen is out here threatening eloise, threatening her family
queen shit, historically (murder)
Ashley: i love the queen this season 😈
CC: i love that she’s that desperate to control the hot goss
you are literally the queen of england you’re really gonna put the shakedown on this teen
Ashley: tbf her whole sort of livelihood depends on controlling goss!
this is why the queen’s previous moment with edwina was so special
Jenny: yeah lol and the scene w lady danbury when she’s just like ‘what if we found different hobbies, now that whistledown’s stopped publishing?’
and the queen is just like ‘hmmmm nope’
CC: and the queen’s like “if i can’t get 2 youths to hook up i am literally gonna die of boredom”
Rachel: oh i was also curious if that was Danbury dragging the queen for her drug habit
need a new hobby, other than sniffing whatever that stuff is
Ashley: lol i mean, Danbury’s one to talk, she smokes
Jenny: maybe future seasons will have a D.A.R.E. plotline
but for now
we’ve just got pen in crisis bc eloise is in crisis
she meets up w the modiste to warn her that the stakes have just been RAISED
and they need to play it cool
Jenny: was good to see her taking some more responsibility at least
i feel like her relationship w the modiste has been kind of iffy, but this felt like she was at least trying to do right
but also it was the modiste who suggested that pen should smear eloise in the pamphlet, as the only real way to convince the queen of eloise’s innocence
Jenny: this was very “narrator voice: that was a lie”
where do we fall on this falling out, team pen or team eloise?
Jenny: oh good q
Ashley: obv in a fight, they both say fucked up stuff to each other
as we all do
CC: torn bc eloise is right but she annoys me more L O L
also i think it’s rude that she was literally not paying attention til now!!!
pen is always talking shit!!! constantly!!!!
Ashley: yeah, it’s definitely like, eloise is a blockhead
but also, pen does want to save her friend from being queen murdered? and it works?
CC: i also think eloise has been treating this whole unmasking whistledown thing like a nancy drew investigation when there are real consequences
i don’t think eloise really understood the consequences even when she was in the hot seat!
Jenny: i mean, yeah! and also idk i feel like a lot of where i’m coming down against eloise has to do w this “poor people exist” learning journey that she’s been on this season
like, what does she think it means for pen’s dad to have gambled away all of their money
CC: i don’t know that eloise knows what money is even still
even after her interlude with the hot newsie
who had some good reasons for breaking things off, even if wHisTleDoWn tOLd hIm toOoOoOo~
Ashley: fully not wrong
Jenny: she needs to hear it!
CC: i do respect that she doesn’t seem especially defensive about this lol
Rachel: this was a great point
and i think we were all waiting for it to be made
Jenny: would’ve liked it more if he hadn’t immediately walked it back next time they hung out
CC: exactly!!!! like, sure pal
i’m not feeling this dude so much
CC: also isn’t like, potentially getting kissed literally ruinous at this point?
like, even the thread of a 1 second closed mouth kiss literally life ruining?
Rachel: well i don’t want to spoil things
but according to the books
Theo Sharpe is not who she ends up with
CC: L O L
Rachel: BUT YOU HAVE ALREADY MET WHO SHE DOES END UP WITH
AND YOU WILL LITERALLY NEVER GUESS
Ashley: ! !
are we taking bets?
CC: the guy who read locke or w/e ?
Jenny: is it mr. botanical illustrations
CC: it better not be cheese lad he’s spoken for
Ashley: punch bowl guy
Rachel: i am so glad y’all can’t see my face
i can give nothing away
Jenny: penelope or bust
Ashley: god i wish
CC: i also put my money on punch bowl guy OR, UGH, finding out that one of the bridgerton brothers is adopted, vomiting forever
Ashley: EWWW WTF CC
i can ASSURE YOU THAT’S NOT IT
CC: LOOK IT HAPPENS IN THESE KINDS OF BOOKS, IT’S THE WORST AND I HATE IT
Rachel: IT’S TRUE
Jenny: ^^would love to see this guy be it
CC: LMAO wingman footman i can get behind
Ashley: mmmm sure sure
i could get into it
Rachel: LOL OK i couldn’t tell if this was Theo in disguise????
Ashley: OMG I THOUGHT IT WAS THEO IN DISGUISE AT FIRST TOO
Jenny: similar face shapes, but v different eyebrows
CC: hilarious that none of us nor eloise would have been able to tell
ok except jenny
it’s like clark kent’s glasses, but this guy’s thing is the wig and some eyebrow pencil
CC: i don’t think i would recognize myself in a powdered wig
Ashley: trying very hard to imagine us all in powdered wigs now lollllll
anyway… we’ve explored all the side plots…
Jenny: on to the main course
CC: bone apple teeth
Jenny: lol (butts)
CC: hard to get a non blurry photo of kate admiring the stone cheeks
the “…unless” part of the kombucha girl meme lololol
this is the most exciting part of the slow burn i think!!!
Jenny: speaking of ha ha unless
Jenny: still, in the midst of this scandal fallout — he’s still trying to get something going w her (stalking her around the art exhibit; begging for a moment alone; reminding her, at her strict denial, that they definitely kissed)
CC: i cannot believe kate got rocked so hard she fell off her horse and got a concussion lol
Ashley: horses DO NOT TRUST
Jenny: oh truly
gotta say though
Jenny: her post-coital thunderstorm horseride felt like a bad idea for a lot of reasons
but i must grant that it was VERY dramatic
i literally have no idea what it’s like to ride a horse, so
i was like, okay sure
CC: horses: not even once
Jenny: it’s a lot of bouncing up and down
doesn’t seem pleasant in the wake of getting absolutely railed
Ashley: sure okay
CC: maybe he was actually so bad at sex that she pretended to be unconscious for a week
so that when he came around gloating about knowing all the ways a woman could be pleased she didn’t have to say anything
“all the things i can teach you”
CC: YEAH exactly lol
on a more sincere note though
the scene where mary is telling kate to go for it
really got me y’all
Jenny: oh yeah
Jenny: i cried A LOT
CC: this part
CC: all of it is good mary is good a+++ stepparenting perfection
well ok maybe a- for leaving kate to deal with so much stuff
Jenny: it was a really nice moment
it came in the wake of her fall
the story was a little different pre-near death experience
esp from edwina
Ashley: oh yes, she was getting very cold shouldered
Jenny: but then one little week-long coma and suddenly:
CC: off the charts levels of self awareness from edwina in these eps
Jenny: i love her so much
Ashley: she’s just a sweet, beautiful kid doin her best
CC: i am so glad my prediction from last time was correct
CC: banana pudding prince pulled out of retirement for the expressed purpose of marry her off!
Rachel: i scremed
Ashley: yesssssssssssssssssssssssss so good
CC: i yelled “oh hell yeah” and high fived myself
what i liked about the mary & kate moment especially was how it mirrors the way that they’ve been playing with kate and anthony being alike (dead fathers), they also show how mary and milf bridge are alike besides just being widows
they both withdraw from their children and leave them to parent themselves
Jenny: yeah! it was so nice to get two big feelings mom scenes to close out this season
Jenny: and also nice that it takes getting expressly told by their respective mothers for these two idiots to finally make it happen
Ashley: HAHAHAHA YES
like god that felt very real lol
Ashley: chef kiss
i love a miley moment, so inspired
i live for this goofy angsty stuff
CC: it goes so hard!
Jenny: oh yeah! i mean, kate’s refusal even AFTER they fuck??
Jenny: made sense when she explained it though
that is a totally reasonable take for having known anthony
Rachel: oh yeah and also, he is bad at explaining
“i took liberties”
the wrong thing to say!!!
Jenny: he’s so bad at it!!
CC: after anthony’s legendarily bad second proposal to edwina
the bar is super low for anyone to proposition worse than anthony so far
his charisma stats are so low one hopes the rest of his points are in laying it down
Jenny: i hope that for kate at least
Ashley: i’m glad these 60 year olds in limber young bodies finally learned to let go a little
CC: i’m glad they can finally channel their aggression towards each other into more regular intramural family sports games
they will absolutely burn down a mansion during board game night
Ashley: he + we learn the true meaning of sports
i gotta say, i also just really really loved this couple by the end in a way i never expected
Ashley: they’re both super hot and have amazing chemistry
but she also DOES basically make up for his previous wet blanket personality
a fixer-upper, fully and sexily fixed
CC: she has to carry the personality for the whole couple
Rachel: i think what i like is that she has given him permission to be less stupid
just like, do the stuff you want
instead of inventing reasons why you can’t?
Jenny: oh yeah i mean he definitely has grown
Jenny: this moment w bb greg
Rachel: love that the youngest bridgertons got some moments this season
at least, in these last 2 episodes
Jenny: season 1 anthony could never!
CC: yeah, they got these kids some lines!
Jenny: yes! they were charming
Ashley: for real
Jenny: when ant calls hyacinth down
‘if she gets to dance then so do i’
CC: love to see your crush being nice to their siblings
Ashley: i’m pretty sure tommy came home to find me crying a little watching that part lol
Rachel: hahaha awwww
Jenny: it was the nicest!!
Ashley: that ball with just all of them
such a great little way to force them all to figure shit out together
also, the leftovers?? 👌
Jenny: yes! but also well-timed bc it turned out that they were alone in the wake of whistledown’s having exposed eloise
no one could consort w their family of loose radicals
a fact anthony then proved by fucking in the wisteria pergola, i guess
Ashley: DUDE OKAY
why is literally NO ONE ever like
gee, what’s that sound i hear from the sex gazebo?
oh just the winds of the moors i suppose
Jenny: a recurring issue w this show!
CC: it’s bc they have a plot of land roughly the size of new hampshire
the sex gazebo could be like, a county over or something
have to ride a horse to get there or something
if you’re not supposed to take liberties before marriage why’s everyone got such a chill sex gazebo?
CC: i bet it even has a bottle of wine there waiting to be used
a few outlets and extra charging cables
a mini fridge
ye olde fridge
Jenny: nice blankets, comfy pillows, ready for sex in the sex gazebo
VERY “seaplane” episode of bob’s burgers
Ashley: i’m dying
CC: well idk about y’all, but, BUT: are you ready for final thoughts (so we can dig into the spicy stuff for ko-fi?)
CC: mine is very silly
and a little dumb but
papa bridgerton seems like kind of an a-hole
CC: what kind of prank is this??!?!?!
Jenny: get owned, child
Rachel: lol love to prank your own son
Jenny: sticky shoes
a bad and stupid prank
CC: just ruining a perfectly good pair of shoes!
Rachel: i’m sure he deserved it
Ashley: i had the same thought rachel lol
CC: ok, very fair
Jenny: ok do not speak to me or my son ever again lol
Rachel: in this house we don’t do corporeal punishment
CC: was his foot glued to the shoe
or did he just fill it with like, mod podge
“guess we’ll have to cut off the whole foot B”
-papa bridgerton, hours before his death, probably
Jenny: oh lol maybe that is the prank part
Ashley: oh nooooo
Jenny: ok ok speaking of benny though
Jenny: my final thought
is really just a reminder of where we leave him
CC: lol ohhh nooo poor benny
Jenny: i’m not totally convinced that they will or should follow the book order next season
so maybe benny will still have time for his bisexual awakening
he finds out that anthony bought his entrance into the art academy
Jenny: and he’s feeling some doubts
decided to quit art
which–i mean, there are worse reasons–but also
i love him and want him to be happy
Rachel: lol true second brother vibes in that screenshot
Rachel: i am so interested to see what they do with Benny
and how far / if they stray from the books
also, agree with the sentiment that they should not follow the books!!
they’ve left at least 3 people bereft at the end of this season
and i want them all to be happy
Jenny: i feel like they’re weaving in so much of pen’s story that it could make sense to skip ahead to colin!
give benny another one-off romance
Rachel: well also…. Eloise and Pen’s stories canonically take place like 12 years after Daphne’s coming out
and i cannot see them doing that here
CC: how old are they supposed to be???? (i wonder)
Rachel: they reach full spinsterhood at age twenty eight (!!!!)
Ashley: oh my god
you’re telling me this IDIOT colin takes 12 years to notice penelope???
Jenny: oh JESUS
esp bc those two actresses are the oldest
can’t expect nicola’s skin to stay looking THIS good for another 12 years
she just starts playing her actual age
no other changes
they just make her Looks a bit more pulled together
Ashley: i mean… a time skip forward could also be fun
do it out of order
i want to see a gothy penelope
CC: hydrating & accessorizing
Rachel: lol ok well my final thought is dumb but
but the elder featherington coming into slam the middle featherington
Jenny: LOL yeah they were great
their faces here when mrs. cheese lad makes that joke and then the tall one flicks tea at her
CC: love to see them
Rachel: this is the same picture
Ashley: SO THAT!!!!
but a little more likeable
we love the cheese lad romance
Jenny: to be fair, this screenshot looks like it’s from cinderella 2, where the redhead turns out to be nice
so not entirely unlikeable
also the straight to vhs sequels of cinderella are good
esp cinderella 3: a twist in time
Ashley: LOL jenny
Jenny: just throwing that out there
Ashley: cinderella lore dump time
okay, my final thought is:
Jenny: this was nice!!! and i want to hear the lads’ gossip!
CC: so happy for him
Ashley: more of the lads making asses of themselves in the nice dude’s bar
CC: next season cruikshanks and dickens will both be there
buying a round for everyone
maybe jane austen
just “austen” i guess
Jenny: lol eloise is in the market for a new bestie
yeah oof!!! big breakup
Jenny: “austen” and “bridge” dress up like boys and infiltrate the gents club
Ashley: TOO CUTE
you’re writing the fanfic already, jenny i can see it
Jenny: yeah and then they kiss
Ashley: that’s what we’re all here for after all
Jenny: hire us netflix lol
Ashley: lol. not me, i just wanna be along for the ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Join us next time for even more love story shouting in our next Romance Roundtable! In the meantime, Monthly Ko-Fi members: head on over to Ko-Fi for just a few bonus goofs that didn’t make it into today’s roundtable, as a treat.