Skateboarding Dogs

In a world on fire, a world of pure chaos and devastation, what pure beam of light can shine over us, banishing our earthly troubles and guiding us towards a better state of mind?

I mean, As a famous horse once said,

Well I have an answer for you:

Skateboarding dogs.

Skateboarding Dogs
Via Youtube and also this rad Nat Geo documentary.

Skateboarding dogs have eased our troubled souls for centuries. Literally, centuries. Skateboarding dogs predate skateboards.

Skateboarding Dogs: historical skateboarding dog
Dog on Wheeled Platform — Mexico, Veracruz, 450-650. Via the Los Angeles County Museum of Art bc we’re not fucking around here.

Around the world, human interest stories about skateboarding dogs dot the last few minutes of innumerable local news programs. Why? Because skateboarding dogs are a nearly universal balm to whatever’s ailing you, if only for a moment. Only the most fervent dog-haters and partisan cat-lovers are immune to their daring and charisma.

Every single dog to fly by on a skateboard is the best doggy skateboarder of all time. Every single one — because every lil dog on a skateboard is an intrepid voyager, a bold thrill-seeker intent on disrupting the laws of nature and kissing (or licking) the very face of god.

“Faster, faster, faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death.”  

Hunter S Thompson Tillman the Skateboarding Dog

Why are we here? Where do we come from? Who cares? Not Tillman, the Guinness World Record holder for “fastest 100m on a skateboard by a dog.” Tillman, who passed away in October 2015, was too busy seizing the day and becoming a multi-disciplinary sportsman for petty existential quandaries.

Skateboarding Dogs: Tillman (RIP)
Via The Washington Post’s obituary for Tillman. If there’s any justice in this world, Tillman is up in heaven looking down on us and catching some sick celestial waves.

Unlike large, squat bulldogs like Tillman, smaller canines have a harder time centering their gravity on a gliding plank of wood. But bold and stalwart heroes like Chiquita aren’t afraid to ask for help when plotting their escape from this sluggish mortal prison we call gravity.

From puppers to longo doggos to doggerinos to puppos, dogs of all shapes and sizes across the globe have thrived on the adrenaline rush of flying through the street atop their boards.

Like Icarus, Skateboarding Dogs laugh at the laws of physics, putting their fragile doggerino bodies on the line to fly amongst the gods. Skateboarding Dogs take a poo on the grave of Sir Isaac Newton himself. These doggies can catch more than a ball — they can also catch more air than any human being to skate upon this earth.

Finally, in the words of Extreme Pete, the Skateboarding Jack Russell Terrier:

“It is not death that a dog should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

Featured image: Waffles the Skateboarding Dog

CC Calanthe

CC Calanthe

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!
A collage featuring the top 10 crones of the year for 2023.

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