what are cates

even MORE things we know

August 16, 2019 at 9:00 am

There is a movie coming out about cates???? We did some research about them & this is what we have learned.

Cates:

  • Reluctant caretakers of this world
  • Cursed to serve the ones they hate
  • Full of a pain we can never comprehend
  • Domestic sisyphus
  • Thieves, but they feel bad about it
  • Portable withholding parental affection simulators
  • Not for children
  • Murder rabbits
  • Shitty candelabras
  • Secret wizards
  • Will light your shit on fire when you’re not looking
  • that’s what you get for moving the fern where cate cannot play
  • Lol is this the CATS trailer??
  • Both satan’s heralds and his army
  • Naturally talented musicians
  • You know those school buses that are just flat on the front? Like that, but worse and for unicorns.
  • Definitely Not a Horse
  • Potentially Not Even a Cate
  • Hairy dragons
  • Sometimes bearded
  • Does not want to be in the room while you and your partner are going at it, but too stubborn to leave, and frankly how dare you do this in your own bedroom when the cat was so clearly here first
  • Forever put upon
  • Awkward losers, the lot of them
  • Can we actually take a quick aside to talk about the head growing from this tree?? Is that the fruit she’s eating??
  • Like a sad, angry roomba that is also very bad at being a vacuum
  • Crippled by separation anxiety but too proud to admit they need you
  • Hate to see you leave, love to see you walk away
  • Witches
  • Again, musicians apparently??
  • So talented
  • Just here to have a good time
  • Surprisingly well-coordinated — I guess only cats can herd themselves???
  • The deadliest warrior
  • The most obvious assassin
  • Maybe a dog actually????
  • down for whatever, really
  • On their way to steal your girl
  • Garfield progenitor
  • Can’t murder you and thus must settle for detonating urine blasts instead

Other things we know:

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a designer and artist from Texas. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.

Ashley Gallagher

Ashley is a writer, a subtropical swamp blossom transplanted to a temperate rain forest, and a 100% organic mansplain repellent. She enjoys yelling about the media and pop culture zeitgeists that everyone has moved on from at least six months previous, and headcanoning her favorite fictional characters queer.