8 Dog Swimsuits You Didn’t Know You Needed, But Here We Are

aka Dog Swimsuit Hell; uh, we mean: aka Dog Swimsuit Heaven

July 25, 2018 at 9:00 am

It’s summertime and you know what that means: it’s swimsuit season, and more importantly, it’s dog swimsuit season!!! Like: sure; you can just take your dog to the pool WITHOUT coordinating an entire Fun In The Sun ensemble — but what’s even the point? If your sweet, trusting pup needs an entire new Look for your next beach outing, we’ve got you covered:  we are proud to report that we scoured the internet and found the for most powerful Dogs-In-Swimsuits #Looks for your viewing pleasure.


 

#Look: World’s Cutest Deep Sea Predator

Dog Swimsuits shark doggos

  • I’ve been sitting here trying to come up with shark movie puns, and it’s PAWS! PAWS is the joke!
  • Deep Bork Sea
  • The Deepening, but with Dogs; The Doggening
  • Barknado
  • The Meg except it’s The Dog and instead of eating all these people this Good Boye just hangs out with the cute lil pomeranian from the trailer and they become best friends

 

#Look: The Suffering Damned Souls From Dante’s Inferno, but at the pool

Dog Swimsuits - Lifeguard Dog (aka a very sad bulldog in a lifeguard costume with FAKE COSTUME BOOBS)

  • It’s a living
  • Do Not Put Fake Boobs On Your Dog

 

#Look: I Wanna Be Where The People Are

Dog Swimsuits - merdoggo - a really happy dog showing off his shiny life-preserving swimsuit

  • this dog has a secret and it’s how to survive underwater
  • I really feel for the poor, unfortunate souls who lived this long without seeing this li’l guy
  • this bb can be a part of my world anytime

 

#Look: High Femme Beach Dog

Dog Swimsuits - a literal dog bikini y'all

  • at some point, i think, we need to come to terms with the fact that technology has gone too far
  • further proof that humanity does not deserve dogs because look at this poor baby’s trusting face!!
  • a Look that says: “i find faux vintage aesthetic cloying and dated (and also i am a tiny dog)”
  • finally, dogs can experience all the frustrations of finding a bikini that fits both halves of your body:

dog swimsuits - review of the dog bikini complaining that the bottom half was too big and like, girl, SAME

 

#Look: If You Like Pina Coladas

Dog Swimsuits - beach bum doggo in a beach bum button-up

  • Wasting away again in Margrowlitaville
  • Jimmy Puppet? Borkket? Jimmy Barkfet?
  • +1 to Jimmy Puppet
  • $20 bucks says this doggo is wearing a muscle tee that says “life’s a beach” under this button-up

 

#Look: Surfer Good Boye

Dog Swimsuits - SURF DOGS. Dog swimsuit can be shorts or a lil dog bodysuit!!!!

  • Little surfer little one / Made my heart come all undone / Do you love me, do you surfer girl (because I LOVE YOU! WHAT A GOOD GIRL! WHAT A GOOD DOG!)
  • Get this dog a puka shell necklace
  • and some frosted tips

 

#look: Beach bee dog

Dog Swimsuits - bee doggo! actually just a dog in dog-specific sunglasses; bee costume not included

  • the perfect look for your vintage beach day
  • lol guys i am all A BUZZ over this pupperino

 

#Look: Heckin’ Eye Protecc Boy

Dog Swimsuits - dog wearing a lil baseball cap and keepin the sun out of his cute little eyes

  • what is the “G” for??
  • Good boye
  • the Goodest boye

 


 

Despite everything — despite fake boob padding, awkward pet wigs, and sequined dog-sized halter tops — dogs still love us anyway, for some reason. Bless you, dogs, for being the real heroes of our time.

Finally: shoutout to this article for teaching us two extremely valuable parting lessons:

1. Looking for dog swimsuits will draw you into a hell-dimension where you’ll learn more about canine sanitary products than you’d ever want or need to know.

2. Dog people are 100% just as weird as cat people.

 

Dog Swimsuits - a mean looking little dog in a mermaid costume with detachable seashell bra cups

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.