A Crone Birthday Gift Registry for POMEmag’s Fifth Birthday

Happy POMEversary, one and all!

September 13, 2019 at 9:00 am

Monday marks the fifth anniversary of POMEmag’s very first article. Happy Birthday to POME!! But what do you get the crone-friendly internet magazine that has everything? We’re not going to tell you how to live your life, but if the mood strikes you, here are a few recommended offerings to the Crones That Be on this momentous occasion. 


Neiman Marcus Rose Gold Cobalt Valkyrie ACTUAL AIRPLANE

Pls help us ascend into the night winds with this 1.5 million dollar airplane that is already perfectly calibrated to our aesthetic. 

Licensed Disney Suffer Porg 

porg hell licensed porg glamour shotz

No longer available from the Disney Store; still available in our hearts.

Nightmare Barbie Shoe 

We regret missing out on the opportunity to gaze into our enemies’ souls as we leave them in the dust but what can you do. RIP, Pre Walmart Buyout Modcloth; we mourn for you still.

17 Metric Tons of Fresh Pomegranates

Always down to eat The Fruit Of The Damned now that we all live in hell ™.

Big Chicken Energy Baba Yaga End Table

The only accent table homegood a crone needs (cronegoods)?

A Copy Of Ukulele Spells: Coda (or 5)

We are v proud of this beautiful & magical book — we’re not even too proud to receive multiple copies of it in gift form.

Tasteful Fawkes Floor Lamp

Light up your inner sanctum with this judgmental brass bird.

Fun and Festive Dutch Oven

It’s not tacky if you’re having fun!

Spooky Punch Bowl!!

Maybe fill it up with this POMEtastic Sangria? Or just brew up a Costco-sized vat of mint juleps you can sip while hexing mortals & non-believers.

Samovar

Keep your tea hot all day and as strong or as weak as you want it! Russia did at least this one thing right!

Two-faced Memento Mori Ring

One for each finger, or one for every time we forget that we are mortal and we too will turn to dust.

Totally Practical Celestial Cape

We would wear it to work, we would wear it to the grocery store, we would wear it to the funeral of our enemies and our friends alike. Honestly, where WOULDN’T we wear it???

Remote Lighthouse

If nothing else, RUN/SWIM, do not walk, to your bank and take out the $75,000 necessary to purchase this actual lighthouse. It’s all we have ever wanted (except the other things too, naturally), and we’ve waited for so long.

Box Set of Rosemary & Thyme

The perfect gift for the murderous crone who loves to stay in (especially given sub-optimal online streaming options and wifi on, say, a remote and probably haunted lighthouse in the middle of Lake Michigan).


But in all seriousness, giving you the feelings-heavy words-and-pictures Content You Crave for the past five years has been all the gift we need. From all of us in the POMEmag Editorial Coven, thanks for being a crone & enjoying the weird and wonderful stuff we love sharing with you. We hope you’ll stick with us for even more beautiful books & thoughtful articles for years to come. <3

Pomegranate Magazine

POMEmag is the internet’s premier pastel, macabre feminist dork publication. Or at least, a very pastel, macabre feminist dork publication that is leaning into that identity pretty hard.