Welcome to A Very Chilling Sabrina Roundtable: a recap series where we chat about the chills, thrills, and top shelf witchery in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. Today, we’ll be recapping episodes 3 & 4 of the Sabrina reboot: October Country and The Dark Baptism. Join us in our enchantment with these set designers, Ambrose’s wardrobe, and the eternal sweet simplicity of Harvey Kinkle.
Rachel: well, we’re here at the spooky school in the spooky town
let’s start with a recap of episodes 3 and 4?
CC: love 2 toil in the halls of Evil Hogwarts
Rachel: at the end of episode 2, Sabrina bailed on signing the Dark Lord’s book and really stuck it to all of ’em
Jenny: ep 3: witch law and order; ep 4: the dangers of bullying at sexy witch high school
Rachel: lol those are Very Good titles
so Sabrina gets charged with “breach of promise” and gets taken to witch court
Jenny: yeah yeah
the evil church sues her for not joining
there’s a lot of p gross language about “consummating” her promise to satan
but sabrina stands p firm, and her sweet lawyer dad falls on his sword for her (implied?), takes her place in hell so she can go on to learn all about how to defeat satan for good
CC: In the wider context of the world I realize how much of an understatement this is but
god damn satan is a creep
yeah he’s a real weirdo
hiding out in the mines, spooking kids
trying to marry Actual Teens
satan really comes off as a cult leader here
Jenny: i mean, to be fair, catholic nuns do sort of marry god
but i think w can all agree that catholicism is not great
is kind of cult-y
CC: this episode really doubled down on that theme!
I could see more clearly than ever before in my life how protestants see catholicism lol
this ep felt the most “this satanic witch church is just negaverse catholicism” out of all the imagery this season
Jenny: lololol i think that was esp clear bc sabrina was specifically baptized in the catholic church
and, like, all of the exorcism movies, in a wider context, are catholic
like, you don’t see any protestant exorcists, to my knowledge
Rachel: a good point!
and there’s a pretty direct parallel with Uncle Jesse
Jenny: yeah yeah – uncle jesse; what a bummer that turns out to be
i mean, i know i’m supposed to not do spoilers
but that’s one thing this show does so much better than riverdale
it actually follows up on most of these plot lines! like, things happen and then they keep happening
Rachel: lol girl!!!
I’ve still only seen up to episode 4!
Jenny: lol yea basically
Rachel: ok y’all are killing me lol
Jenny: ok ok let’s dive in a little deeper
i’ve got some screenshots
number 1 most important point i have to make about ep 3:
look at this kitchen!!
Jenny: it’s a great kitchen!
i’m in love
keep on killing it, set designers
Rachel: that lighting fixture is also Very Good
and speaking of set choices
ambrose’s alarm clock
is so much
Jenny: like, they did that
they found that somewhere!
Rachel: i love how hard Ambrose leans into his whole aesthetic
all the british decor
Jenny: he’s a gift
Rachel: his robes, his VELVET JACKET
that he wheres to a FUNERAL
Jenny: a funeral where he tries to and later successfully picks up the dead guy’s bf
CC: rachel like u don’t have a VELVET FUNERAL JACKET i mean come on who doesn’t in the year of our dark lord 2018
Jenny: just what a move
also, wardrobe staple
right up there w silk lounging robe
Rachel: i can tell you, i’m going to have a velvet funeral jacket after this
also yeah, I 100% do not trust Luke
he deffo killed that familiar
and he is going to break my poor boy’s heart
i mean he 1000% does not deserve ambrose
CC: brb buying the domain for AmbRobes.com – your hot source for all ambrose spellman-inspired loungewear
CC: yall gotta get in on the ground floor w me on this
how do i invest
CC: put your money in an old dead tree at the full moon
what else was good about ep 3: witch law and order
Jenny: this part was the opposite of good?
it was just, like, actively dumb
you know me, i love a good law and order episode
i’m a sucker for legal technicalities
Jenny: loved that double aunt betrayal
Rachel: yes!!! every episodes I just love Hilda more and more
Jenny: she’s the best!
Rachel: i’m curious how her being excommunicated will affect things
it seems she’s still a witch??
and can do witchy things?
CC: I guess it’s cool that they gave hilda her immortality back???
Jenny: def def
good that they were fair about that
would’ve been really hard to keep that up through the rest of the season tbh
And yeah she keeps her powers
like, she IS a witch; she just no longer belongs to this, specific, wider witch community
like, she can’t go to book club, but she can still read
which brings me to another plot point here!
the banned books!
ep 3 has the first mention of roz’s ensuing blindness
Jenny: yet another thing that these writers actually build up as episodes pass, rather than just forgetting about entirely
i think netflix is good for them
CC: they have to watch all of their episodes now LOL
Rachel: although i wish the girls had taken a slightly different route
like, maybe demanding braille books in the school library
Jenny: yeah braille and audio books
CC: also yeah, I agree! it’s 2018(ish)!
Rachel: it’s This Year
Jenny: lol ugh
CC: under the ADA she has a right to demand assistive technology in her school! she is entitled to it!
Jenny: hell yeah
also getting audiobooks would benefit a lot more kids than just her!
i’m sure there have got to be some dyslexic kids in this place
def def that would’ve been a v productive way to channel that energy
but also i get that yelling about banned books is way sexier
as far as things to get mad about go
CC: so this is related but adjacent to our discussion but
do you think these riverdale/CAOS writers actually like toni morrison or they just know of a bunch of the titles of her books
OR does toni morrison just like, have a summer home in some corner of NY/Pennsylvania near Riverdale/Greendale
CC: my school always got that dude who wrote the Hank the Cowdog kid’s book series to speak at our school bc I think he lived near bell county
Jenny: i mean maybe — if betty was somehow able to do an internship w her!?!? at the age of 14??
CC: i v much doubt that toni morrison would ask a 14 year old to pay for airfare to fly across the country and be her intern
I know this isn’t riverdale roundtable but i’ll die mad about it
unless toni morrison just puts a statement out there like
“oh yeah i fuckin love riverdale this was 100% my idea” I will never believe it
Jenny: LOL yes
other good things about ep 3…
the kinkle boys!
Jenny: i love this brother — what a good boy; also what a babe! a soft, sweet prince
Rachel: yeah!! it made me distrust him???
CC: lol same
Rachel: but that was also my reaction to every man that showed up
like, this Nick guy
yeah nick kind of blows and kind of doesn’t?
idk idk i think in general the young people are ok
CC: I do not trust him as far as I could throw him
Rachel: i would be surprised if he’s not out to get something from sabrina
CC: i can’t tell if he’s just trying to get laid or if he’s trying to steal her dad’s ~ * ~ AnCiEnT mAgIcKs ~ * ~
but also, why not both?
CC: i mean fair
Jenny: but honestly
he’s got no chance if this keeps up
Rachel: i love harvey!!!!!
CC: Harvey “but the bluest eye is a classic!!” Kinkle
Jenny: a good boy!
CC: i’m the worst; I literally shouted “SHUT UP HARVEY” at the screen when he said that LOL
not bc I didn’t appreciate it but just bc he is Too Good
and he needs to be protected with every single great and powerful ancient goth dad magic spell sabrina can find LOL
Jenny: speaking of goth dad
this asshole out here with the sick burns
CC: : |
i h a t e h i m
Rachel: god he sucks
him and his gross nails
like, what is his game, asking Zelda to be the midwife for his wife
i’m very suspicious!!!
Jenny: yeah but also at this point in the season i am kind of living for seeing zelda feel some kind of shame
Rachel: oh also hell yeah
Jenny: she’s so mean to hilda and i love hilda
def there’s a weird gross tension between them
like it really seemed like he was going to ask z to be his sacred surrogate so that they could just have gross-ass sex
Rachel: ughghhh vomit
CC: no thank you
looking at a man with long fingernails
it’s a harrowing experience
but i will say that by the end of ep4, zelda starts to turn around, and i appreciate it
Rachel: yeah!! having some tea like sisters
it was really nice
i hope it lasts
Jenny: love to see zelda treating hilda w some dignity
yeah but i guess on to ep4: the dangers of bullying at sexy witch high school
this ep had A LOT of good friendship moments in the B plot, and i kind of want to start there
Jenny: roz and suzie out here
understanding the importance of the buddy system
love to see harvey out here
Jenny: being actual friends with sabrina’s friends
like, these three are friends! i am convinced of it
and it’s not weird that they hang out when sabrina’s not around
even if it’s a little weird, this is what i’m telling myself
Rachel: oh i thought it was awesome
they’re supportive pals and there doesn’t have to be anything weird about a boy hanging with his 2 pals who are ladies
just a good friend group
and before we move on to the sexy witch highschool part of this ep, i just want to take another small moment to appreciate what a good boy harvey kinkle is
Jenny: look at his dinosaur wallpaper!!
it’s so sweet!
Rachel: the set designers here just really continue to kill it
Jenny: love to see these set designers acknowledge that these are teens/children
they get it!
they get that these are not sexy adults!
they are young people trying to figure stuff out!
Rachel: it’s all i’ve been wanting out of riverdale 😭
Rachel: let’s talk about another group of friends
the Weird Sisters
i sort of thought they’d be nicer to Sabrina since they all enjoyed a good torturing of mortal boys together
like i thought that was a real bonding moment for them
Jenny: yeah i had hoped
you’re never really bonded w someone until you both threaten and try to kill each other
i will say, that even though this scene was a lot of what I was talking about last time,
Jenny: i love to see these moments when sabrina is, like, v hardcore
Rachel: yeah!! it’s when she’s her witchiest i think
Jenny: it’s nice; it’s nice bc she’s not perfect; it’s nice to see her being strong and mean an scary and to own that part of herself
sabrina “i want freedom AND power” spellman
out here doing it
CC: i’m just always worried she’s getting manipulated into it??? by like, the evil toxic masculinity satan??
like: I like to see sabrina be authoritative but it feels like the fate of the world rests on her moral compass and also like the forces of evil are manipulating her to do what they want her to do but feel like she made those choices herself
i guess such is the societal pull of internalized misogyny, but that is a metaphor I doubt is intentional L O L
Jenny: lol yes, fair — it def feels, to me, like she’s playing the game to achieve her own goals (or, like, the goals she thinks are her own); but, like, it’s His game
CC: What Is Free Will And Does It Even Exist really is a Theme this week lol
BUT I am sorry I took this in a weird direction
Jenny: no way
this was a great direction
CC: well getting back to our earlier points
about the weird sisters
CC: that is some A++++ loungewear
did yall inherit those from the ghosts of your great aunts or ? ? ? ?
Jenny: that seems the only explanation
idk that this quality of #looks exists in the world as we know it today
at least in the realm of vintage teen sleepwear
who is the ghost and who is the student
is another thing from this ep
and kind of nitpick that i have
Jenny: like, nick cannot see quinten
but, like, quinten greeted sabrina when she arrived??
took her to father blackwood’s office?
Rachel: maybe it’s one of those things where he’s only seen when / by whom he wants to be?
CC: maybe even they could tell that nick’s a secret creep
i guess the ghost kids in the woods also were able to appear when the chose
Rachel: ghosts follow their own rules
Jenny: yeah — idk it just seemed like they were singling sabrina out from the start
before they knew that she would be sympathetic to their cause; which seems like the kind of thing that could make me question whether that was a decision they made or if they were following some higher orders
Rachel: i love that the solution to their problem wasn’t coming to peace with their deaths, but embracing revenge
and that hilda helped them
*kisses fingers like a chef*
Jenny: def their solution was perfect
made me love hilda even more
Jenny: this is in part an appreciation post about hilda’s coat but also yes she’s the best
hidden depths of rage and violence
CC: so, one thing about the harrowing
The Harrowing is a test that every mage-apprentice must go through to become a full member of the Circle of Magi. All of their training and apprenticeship is meant to prepare them for this test…
CC: IT’S A VERY DIFFERENT KIND OF HARROWING
but in Dragon Age it’s basically just also a magical hazing ritual
Jenny: i mean
CC: so imo nvm it’s the same; the riverdale/CAOS writers are dragon age fans and can @ me about my podcast anytime
Jenny: talk all about jughead jones, the greywarden
CC: if flemeth shows up in sabrina i’m done
y’all ready for final thoughts?
CC: I am if y’all are!
i just have one more screenshot about what a dick father blackwood is
Jenny: like, this guy blows
Rachel: yeah what’s his deal?? my guess is that he’s got some baggage re: sabrina’s dad
and how he was the high priest before him
Jenny: yeah and also his student
Rachel: probably also responsible for his death
Jenny: oh def yeah; i mean, unconfirmed in s1, but you can feel it
still. as someone who, personally, hates children, i will never understand the extent to which this guy seems to enjoy torturing this one specific child
CC: most likely backstory: sabrina’s dad was a better warlock than him and he always resented it
my headcannon: sabrina’s dad broke up with him for sabrina’s mom and he never got over it and now he’s just one of those people who becomes a huge douchelord after a rough breakup
Rachel: men are such petty creatures
Jenny: lol def
but ok yes, final thoughts!
Rachel: ok here’s mine
CC: O M G
Jenny: omg ok
Rachel: church of satan! a bad look!
Jenny: didn’t know churches filed copyrights
like, idk if anyone told starwars — but, y’know, and also w you
Rachel: more proof that all organized religion is bad
even the satanists
Jenny: ugh ugh ugh
CC: lol this guy’s name is lucien greaves
Rachel: lol i 100% do not believe that is his real name
CC: OK BUT:
“Lucien Greaves, a co-founder of the Satanic Temple, said designing and constructing the statue took over a year and cost about $100,000. ”
I thought this was just his twitter name at first
Rachel: like, here’s the thing Lucien
you spent money on art and now somebody is referencing it very distinctly
idk isn’t that sort of the point???
but also i get it, it’s being shown in an antagonistic way
the satan worshippers are mostly the bad guys here, in the show
but not all of them! not ambrose! not hilda!
CC: it seems like it’s tough to have a close personal relationship with your Dark Lord
like, seems like it gets way too personal way too fast LOL
Rachel: the Dark Lord is very sensitive to copyright infringement
“breach of copyright”
CC: so here’s my final thought:
CC: iguanas are the hot bisexual fashion accessory of the season
Jenny: lol yes
lizards in general are a friend to the gays #anassakatakalokale
CC: the new cuffing your jeans
using a lizard as a hat/scarf
Rachel: lol it’s a very good look
Jenny: just an undeniably good look
and speaking of good looks!
my final thought is really more just an appreciation of madam satan
Jenny: this casual, dropping in to make funeral arrangements look
CC: god on a wheel
(satan on a wheel????)
Jenny: this casual, threatening to eat the flesh of your coworker look
she was in rare form these eps, truly
but most especially
when she started the secret book club
Jenny: like, where do i sign up for this book club??
i need to find a demon who will assign me books to read
books that are chosen to fuck me up, specifically
CC: help us grow into our dark powers
Jenny: madam satan, tell us how to live
CC: literally was about to say that; praise madam satan