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Romance Roundtable #1: Bought: One Husband

Let's take this husband back to the Husband Store

Welcome to Romance Roundtable: a feature where all four editorial POME Crones gather together to discuss a Harlequin romance manga. Today we’re discussing BOUGHT: ONE HUSBAND by Diana Hamilton  (Author) and Motoyo Fujiwara (Illustrator) — a tragic tale of love, fake identities, sibling face-cupping, and disappearing half-ponytails.

 


 

Carolynn: ok first can we talk about Jethro’s Look
it’s bad
that dumb baby ponytail mullet is Bad
Jenny: i can’t tell when it’s a ponytail and when it’s not
Carolynn: if he can afford all those houses he can afford a goddamned haircut
Rachel: It is a bad look and I hate it
Jenny: who runs an international business conglomerate and still looks like that??
Carolynn: I mean like he’s not exactly mark zuckerberg
Jenny: but he is like “100k is pittance”
Carolynn: at least he looks like a reasonable human being but jethro’s hair would make me cross a street to avoid him
Ashley: Wait there’s gotta be a Lesbian Ken of Jethro
Jenny: YES
Carolynn: oh absolutely, 100%
Lesbian Ken Jethro is probably 500 times hotter than Harlequin Jethro
Ashley: I have no doubt

 

Rachel: ok I want to talk about THESE THINGS
why???? are they here???????
Carolynn: there’s a cat living in her baby beehive
Rachel: this is what happen when you try to cut your own bangs, kids
Carolynn: I know, I tried it once
Ashley: that forehead is what my mother would lovingly call “a runway”
Like an airplane runway
What is she the top model of tho
Carolynn: gaudy thrift shop wedding dresses
Ashley: hahaha yeah like wtf is she wearing at those shows???
Carolynn: chiffon tarps with floral appliques
Jenny: THE GLOVE SHIRT
that’s a shirt that is also gloves!

Ashley: lol omg
also her torso???????????
is like a spaghetti??
Carolynn: she’s a mess
Rachel: I think 70% of her is just her hair
Carolynn: also he KISSES HER HAIR

Rachel: YEAH THAT WAS WEIRD
Carolynn: “how can I show her that I’m a gentleman”
“hmmmmmmm”
Ashley: overall he was very stalkery and gross
like hair kissing is dangerously obsessed
Jenny: ALSO does he STEAL her hair?
like at the end?

Jenny: like how is this still attached to her head??
Ashley: holy shit wtf
Carolynn: oh I think it’s just
usagi-style prehensile hair
Rachel: maybe it’s like those magicians that have handkerchiefs coming out of their sleeves
but with hair
he just keeps pulling and more hair keeps coming out

 

Carolynn: ok so I have an important discussion point
so the panel where Jethro is in the shower
did Harlequin PHOTOSHOP HIS DICK OUT

Ashley: AHHHHHHH
I NOTICED THAT
HAHAHAHAHA
Carolynn: It’s blurry in a very suspicious way!
Jenny: it was just like a blank circle
Ashley: or maybe they just didn’t draw it
and they put a screen tone steam puff to cover it
Carolynn: I’ve picked up romance novels in the supermarket checkout that were like “his throbbing member in her womanly caverns” so tbh I was surprised they left his d a mystery
Rachel: it’s like me in life drawing class in high school
just skip that part
Carolynn: myster-d
Rachel: yeah there was very little sex stuff happening in this book
it was very disappointing
Carolynn: except that
“they made love every day” for ten days
sure pal
sure u did
Ashley: it’s like before midnight u guys
v romance

 

Rachel: ok also
THIS IS NOT HOW SIBLINGS ARE

Carolynn: oooh I’m glad you brought this up
Jenny: WHO FACE-CUPS A SIBLING
Carolynn: well u know they’re only h a l f s i b l i n g s
barf
Rachel: GROSS GROSS GROSS
Ashley: the face cup is drawn in such a way that you can imagine her brushing his hand away
which is what i like to imagine happened off panel
Carolynn: yeah like “uhhhh maybe please don’t, my biological brother”
Rachel: our protag should probably trust her instincts on that one
also this panel is a great example of his disappearing tiny ponytail
Jenny: right!!?!
where did it GO?!!?
Ashley: i can’t keep track of this man’s hair
Carolynn: I just started to block it out of my mind

 

Carolynn: I feel like the two moms (mom & nanny) really should have been more concerned about all of this
Ashley: at least nanny told him off tho!

Jenny: THE NANNY WAS THE BEST
Rachel: the true protag of our hearts
Jenny: PREACH PREACH PREACH
Ashley: duh obv the crone is our collective fave characters

 

Carolynn: wait so is jethro his real name???
Rachel: I…. don’t know?!?!???
Jenny it must be i guess
Carolynn: maybe it’s an ironic evil boy boarding school nickname
jethro is a terrible name
when they bone is she like
“oh yes, jethro”
“let me touch your butt, jethro”

 

Jenny: also this shit!

Jenny: he should be praised?? for the effort of not raping her?
Ashley: omg yeah
that passage had me reeling
Carolynn: good 4 u, asshole
Ashley: like wow truly you suck
Carolynn: get into your shitty truck & drive away & never come around here again JETHRO
Ashley: i mean it just sucks that he’s so deeply repulsive
this story would have worked great for me if he didn’t suck

 

Carolynn: I wonder if we’re ever gonna read one of these where the rich half-assed wannabe Darcy is literally lighting a cigar with burning $100 bills
Jenny: and also he’s only into virgins

Ashley: ugggggggggh
the virgin thing whyyyyyyy
Rachel: YEAH HER INNOCENCE
Carolynn: SAPPHIRE EYES WITH A HINT OF PURPLE
Ashley: it’s like, at first i was like this is gonna suck because she’s a lesbian and he’s gonna turn her straight or whatever
but then she turns out to just be a shy virgin and it’s like, actually i prefer the queerbaiting
Jenny: i want it on the record that she never out and out denies being into ladies
Ashley: good point jenny

 

Carolynn: ok so at the end
the thing that made me arguably the most angry
other than schrodinger’s ponytail
was at the end when she’s like
oh I can’t be mad at you; I’m the one who bought a husband!!!!
AT LEAST HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS IN FOR
she was upfront about her shit
Rachel: YEAH IT’S FINE THAT YOU LIED TO ME
IT’S FINE YOU THOUGHT I’D ONLY WANT YOU FOR YOUR $$$$
Carolynn: things jethro can do with his trillion dollars of Business Money:
– get therapy 2 work out his definitely uncomf issues about his sister
Rachel: -stop pretending to be poor because it’s “easier”
Carolynn: -get a haircut get a haircut get a haircut
-and maybe like, subscribe to trunk club idk

 

Carolynn: I think this girl needs to get her money back
she needs to take this husband back 2 the husband store
Rachel: “can I get a refund??? this one has a weird ponytail and a blank space for genitals”
Carolynn: “no refunds, only exchanges”
Rachel: “do you have….. lady husbands???”
Carolynn: “oh, I see u r a woman of taste and distinction~”
I am gonna leave a bad rating for this husband store on the better business bureau

 

Rachel: ok so just to put a bow on it
this book was bad
Carolynn: and everybody needed to get a haircut
except the nanny
Rachel: EXCEPT THE NANNY
Carolynn: the only person who came out of this book better than when they started it was the mom tbh
she has beefcake mansion all to herself
Checkmate

 

Jenny: prime old gregg ref

Jenny: it’s been so long
Rachel: lololololol

 

Ashley: that scene where he’s holding her prehensile hair is a Darkest Timeline version of this moment

Carolynn: unfortunately, he did not turn into a car

 

Carolynn: so ok: there is one more thing I think we can do to wrap this up: what is your main takeaway from this book
mine is always keep your husband receipts
Rachel: my takeaway is never cut your own dang hair, NO MATTER WHAT
Jenny: don’t trust people who face-cup their siblings?
Ashley: my takeaway is i wish i had one hundred thousand dollars
i would do a lot cooler things with it than purchase jethro cole

 


 

Join us for our next Romance Roundtable, where we tackle Closer Encounters: a paranormal Harlequin manga romance thriller that seems like it’ll have a lot of good makeouts. 

 

Carolynn Calabrese

If you prick your finger and write “Cat Fancy” on your mirror in blood during a harvest moon, CC will appear behind you and make you put human clothes on your pets. CC is Head Crone in Charge at POMEgranate Magazine, as well as the co-host of Moon Podcast Power MAKE UP!!

Ashley Gallagher

Ashley is a writer, a subtropical swamp blossom transplanted to a temperate rain forest, and a 100% organic mansplain repellent. She enjoys yelling about the media and pop culture zeitgeists that everyone has moved on from at least six months previous, and headcanoning her favorite fictional characters queer.

Jenny Mott

Jenny is just a Silly Nerd with a lot of Feelings about Comic Books and Friendship and also This Capitalist Yoke We All Share; she enjoys Dogs and Sleeping and Cartoons. Her three favorite words are: Breakfast All Day.

Rachel Weiss

Rachel is a big weirdo that likes to design in Photoshop and code in JavaScript. She is pro-feminism, pro-crones, and pro-dogs. She's also Boss Crone at POMEgranate Magazine, and one day hopes to be able to drink her tea without so much milk and sugar.

© 2014 - 2017 Carolynn Calabrese, Ashley Gallagher, Jenny Mott and Rachel Weiss and POMEgranate Magazine

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